The Leila Texts

2012-01-23T23:40:00.002-05:00

hey u have to see this pic
from an 813 phone number, Monday, January 23, 4:00 PM EST

Oh my God, IS IT A PIC OF A CUTE CAT??? I REALLY HOPE SO.

2012-01-23T23:38:00.001-05:00

Call me about our credit card we have together asap
from a 912 phone number, Wednesday, January 18, 9:30 AM EST

"162.43 at Condom World?"

2012-01-23T23:35:00.002-05:00

hi..spent 12 hrs at hospital testing n trasfusion..surgery postponed xomething showed up on x ray n cat scan finding out today what it is
from an 808 phone number, Tuesday, January 17, 11:50 AM EST

Scott update. Vitals look better but still considering move to Nw or Uic for ventrical pump.
from a 773 phone number, Thursday, January 19, 10:40 AM EST

These are from two different numbers, about two different patients. It was a rough week for health.

2012-01-23T23:34:00.003-05:00

What's up?Have fun at work but just do your job and try to remember why you took the job-to earn money and meet weirdos0=3714
from a 507 phone number, Sunday, January 15, 2:07 PM EST

"Have fun at work. But not too much fun. I don't want you having so much fun that you forget to meet weirdos. Keep your eyes on the prize, Leila."

2012-01-23T00:20:00.000-05:00

do you like shane
from an 808 phone number, Tuesday, January 10, 1:39 AM EST

Is this a game of Truth or Dare? And if it's not, then why the hell should I tell you?

2012-01-23T00:18:00.001-05:00

leila pizz dont kill me but me and adam mite date
I lOVE YOU !
from a 585 phone number, Monday, January 9, 5:32 PM EST

Before you wreck your friendship with Leila by telling her that you are going to date the boy whom she has had a crush on since fourth grade-- that's THREE WHOLE YEARS-- I would suggest making absolutely sure that Adam is going to ask you out. It's not really worth ruining a friendship if it's only that you mite date him.

2012-01-23T00:16:00.002-05:00

Dad bought a caddy
from a 610 phone number, Monday, January 9, 5:22 PM EST

Have to take greg to get his cast off in the morning, so i will see you at mah jongg late. hope you're having fun with sydney!
from a 610 phone number, Monday, January 16, 9:01 AM EST

One of the weirder things about the Leila Texts is when I receive texts through a time warp, that were actually sent from the year 1956.

2012-01-23T00:14:00.001-05:00

hey wat up pretty lady
Nick my sexy man 4ever:)
from a 419 phone number, Monday, January 16, 1:30 PM EST

Do you think that Nick finds it creepy when he receives text messages from 419 and her sig line include his name and an account of his sexiness? If I were Nick I think I would find that a little off-putting.

2012-01-23T00:10:00.002-05:00

Dinner suggestions pls ~ keep it simple & cheap
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Monday, January 16, 2:49 PM EST

Still need a cpl dinner suggestions pls. Also ~ will u be able to go to richie's to play w/ anthony this p.m.? (luke ~ i know u work)
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Tuesday, January 17, 2:38 PM EST

412 never wants an expensive dinner suggestion.

2012-01-22T23:55:00.003-05:00

Hey on the 2nd page of science will u tell me the answer to Lightning forms
; }
from an 845 phone number, Tuesday, January 17, 7:39 PM EST

Remember ur music stuff
; }
from an 845 phone number, Wednesday, January 18, 2:01 PM EST

Do u have an oovoo
; }
from an 845 phone number, Friday, January 20, 2:01 PM EST

oovoo is some video conferencing website. I feel uneasily like I'm giving them free promotion just by writing this post, but so it must be. I just write what I get.

2012-01-22T23:53:00.001-05:00

You going to kisha's party?
from a 757 phone number, Friday, January 20, 3:12 PM EST

I wasn't invited. It's no big deal. I don't take it personally or anything.

2012-01-22T23:51:00.001-05:00

Heyy sister
from a 609 phone number, Friday, January 20, 5:00 PM EST

What is this, an all-girls version of Arrested Development?

2012-01-22T23:50:00.001-05:00

hey leila, will you be upset if we cancel dinner and movie tonight. I pulled something in my back when I was shoveling and I wanna go to lay down.
from a 570 phone number, Saturday, January 21, 2:53 PM EST

Snow is hazardous. Either you let it sit there until it turns into ice and you slip and break your wrist, or you try to shovel it up and pull a muscle in your back. You can't win. Except by not leaving the house.

2012-01-22T23:49:00.001-05:00

leija Why haven't you come home? mom
from a 505 phone number, Saturday, January 21, 5:44 PM EST

Uh, because you are supposedly my "mom," yet you're misspelling my name. Why should I come home to that?

2012-01-22T23:45:00.003-05:00

Those burgers are fattening!!!!
from a 513 phone number, Saturday, January 21, 6:00 PM EST

Easy on the peanuts
from a 513 phone number, Saturday, January 21, 6:00 PM EST

Better than Weight Watchers is going out to dinner with my friend 513. Man, nothing gets past her eagle eye!

2012-01-16T23:54:00.000-05:00

Clue 1 :smelly and small space
from a 312 phone number, Saturday, January 21, 6:43 PM EST

A 19-year-old boy's college dorm room!

2012-01-16T23:52:00.000-05:00

Omg i just saw mrs. morris when i was shopping 4 groceries w my mom!?!?!?!?!
from a 714 phone number, Monday, January 9, 8:12 PM EST

NO FUCKING WAY. Mrs. Morris eats groceries?!?! I thought she was a robot.

2012-01-16T23:51:00.001-05:00

Roll tide roll.
from a 205 phone number, Monday, January 9, 11:24 PM ESTM

Go University of Alabama athletics, especially football!

2012-01-16T23:42:00.002-05:00

I miss you so much mom by the way this is rachael speaking
from a 662 phone number, Monday, January 9, 10:35 PM EST

Mom did ypu get my message
from a 662 phone number, Monday, January 9, 10:38 PM EST

I mean she threw up this morning
from a 662 phone number, Monday, January 9, 10:54 PM EST

I was laughing in mr graves class and he said that he would call you
from a 662 phone number, Saturday, January 14, 1:54 PM EST

Missing your mom, getting in trouble in Mr. Graves' class, and vomit, all adds up to a pretty crappy week for poor Rachael.

2012-01-16T23:41:00.002-05:00

I LOST MY IPOD
from a 541 phone number, Tuesday, January 10, 7:07 PM EST

Hi can u get my ipod from carla
from a 541 phone number, Wednesday, January 11, 9:48 AM EST

CRISIS AVERTED.

2012-01-16T23:37:00.002-05:00

Hi can you send me a pic of malia i want to see her?
from a 407 phone number, Wednesday, January 11, 4:30 PM EST

Easy. That's what the internet is for.

2012-01-16T23:34:00.001-05:00

Funny. U have a migrain and i think i have aconcussion. I fell and banged my head on the sink and almost went to hospital.
from a 917 phone number, Thursday, January 12, 1:32 PM EST

What a goddamn one-upper. "You have a migraine? Big deal. I MAYBE HAVE A CONCUSSION!" I feel like I just got a text message from Penelope.

2012-01-16T23:33:00.002-05:00

Moriah Jan.22nd
Ciera April26th
David Jan.28th

Right!
from an 828 phone number, Thursday, January 12, 2:32 PM EST

Happy almost-birthday, Moriah and David! (Leila, you might want to get on buying those birthday presents. Now.)

2012-01-16T23:32:00.002-05:00

Haha wow :P but apparently u can have fun with "the animal" and do anything at the same time :P
from a 908 phone number, Thursday, January 12, 3:55 PM EST

See, unlike "HAVE A BLESSED DAY!" this is a great use of quotation marks.

2012-01-16T23:29:00.001-05:00

I bet you're having a blast!
"HAVE A BLESSED DAY!"
from a 540 phone number, Friday, January 13, 10:15 AM EST

When she puts "HAVE A BLESSED DAY!" in quotation marks like that-- whom exactly is she quoting?

2012-01-16T23:26:00.003-05:00

Mike and leila together for ever...lol
from a 315 phone number, Sunday, January 15, 1:01 PM EST

Stop and pose
from a 315 phone number, Sunday, January 15, 1:01 PM EST

Hi i left myhand thing at you house
from a 315 phone number, Monday, January 16, 3:32 PM EST

Mike and I are not together forever, and you will not get your hand thing back until you take that back. TAKE IT BACK!

2012-01-16T23:19:00.002-05:00

I think she was lieing but she said if u stay with her then she will buy us something
from a 714 phone number, Monday, January 16, 8:13 PM EST

"Okay, she was probably lying, but what if you agreed to stay with her and she bought us both iPods?! Wouldn't that be worth it? I mean, I know her house is filled with bedbugs. And she's lying. But just think about the bit where we might get something for free."

2012-01-08T18:05:00.003-05:00

I'll see if I can tonight depends on what time I get done with work I'm closing lunch otherwise let's grab some drinks this weekend if u have time
from a 480 phone number, Wednesday, January 4, 5:17 PM EST

I bet 480 is a good waitress. I bet she doesn't do things like spill soup on people or drop glasses, which is pretty much what I would do, if anyone ever made the mistake of hiring me to work in a restaurant.

2012-01-08T18:03:00.002-05:00

Mr.conklin is gonna txt you ok love you so much
from an 845 phone number, Thursday, January 5, 10:24 AM EST

Hey pal..i got the word yesterday you are coming back on monday...thats not cool..if i have to be here with these kids...well so do you...miss u
from an 845 phone number, Thursday, January 5, 10:27 AM EST

Yeah, Leila, enough playing hooky. Take some Tums, shoot some nasal spray, and get back into that classroom. DYJ. (That's cool-kid slang for "do your job," fyi.)

2012-01-08T17:59:00.000-05:00

DID U GET 11 THROUGH 14
from a 650 phone number, Thursday, January 5, 6:58 PM EST

YES.
BUT I WON'T TELL YOU THE ANSWERS.
NO MATTER HOW THREATENING YOUR CAPS LOCK MAY BE.

2012-01-08T17:56:00.003-05:00

Mom has adrienne had a baby yet? Dont forget daddys motorcycle that i painted at color me mine
from a 662 phone number, Thursday, January 5, 7:24 PM EST

Color Me Mine is a paint your own pottery studio. So, no, 662 didn't actually buy and paint her father a motorcycle. I assume it looks something like this, only painted:

2012-01-08T17:41:00.002-05:00

my dad had a pool wen he ws yg he went inside to go to the bathroom and he saw a light socket stuck his finger in it!he wnt os and said mom wat des it mean
from a 978 phone number, Friday, January 6, 6:40 AM EST

Is this a real story or an urban legend or what? Snopes, what's the deal here?

2012-01-08T17:37:00.002-05:00

I just saw your message about leila being excited about playing at jessies...i feel bad! If he wasn't laying around so much i would just give him med and
from a 978 phone number, Friday, January 6, 8:00 AM EST

What I'm hearing you say is that you'd be fine with Leila coming over to play and catching Jessie's flu. Your sole concern is that he might just lie around the whole time, and that would be boring for Leila. Nice parenting there, 978.

2012-01-08T17:30:00.002-05:00

Hey what up what are you going to say to tje boy i like
from a 208 phone number, Friday, January 6, 10:27 AM EST

To the boy you like, I am going to say something like, "Never hook up with 208. She'll only use you. For your money."

Maybe you should ask one of your other friends to talk to him instead.

2012-01-08T17:28:00.001-05:00

leila r u going skating today:)
Christalynn
from a 530 phone number, Sunday, January 8, 4:01 PM EST

Every winter, somebody asks Leila to go skating. I almost never say yes, though. I have pretty weak ankles.

2012-01-08T17:27:00.001-05:00

Hey wats up aydins birthday is today r u coming over his house? i missed u when ur mom came and u dident its merki
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, January 7, 10:36 AM EST

Kids of the Google Generation have such crazy names. "Aydin"? "Merki"? "Leila"?

2012-01-08T17:18:00.002-05:00

The 11th won't work 4 me so I'm thinking about a catalog party instead. I'm in the foothills & either my husband or I should be here today or tomorrow.
from a 928 phone number, Saturday, January 7, 12:16 PM EST

I googled it, but I still don't know exactly what a catalog party is. It sounds like the "hostess" calls up a bunch of her friends/acquaintances and tries to sell them shit from a catalog. As best I can tell, no one comes over to your house, no one eats all the crudite, and no one winds up making out with a stranger in the coat closet, so it's not really clear to me why this counts as a "party" at all.

2012-01-04T21:15:00.001-05:00

It was nice meeting you even though I was nappy as heck..lol
from a 661 phone number, Wednesday, January 4, 1:18 AM EST

This is the only time I can think of recently that I have heard someone use the word "nappy," outside of this picture book:

2012-01-04T21:12:00.002-05:00

werlein Did u get the pic? I love u. Blessings m
from an 847 phone number, Tuesday, January 3, 11:00 PM EST

I have been getting texts, on and off, for Leila Werlein for more than two years now. For example this one from December 2009, or this one from May 2010. Not enough for it to be annoying or anything. But enough that I notice.

2012-01-04T21:10:00.001-05:00

Happy 30th anniversary
from a 267 phone number, Monday, January 2, 9:04 AM EST

After 30 years of marriage, I'd like to believe that Leila could expect more than an unpunctuated text message. Like pearls.

2012-01-04T21:07:00.002-05:00

what you want
from a 662 phone number, Monday, January 2, 6:55 PM EST

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

2012-01-04T21:05:00.005-05:00

Sorry i didnt answer the phone earlier we were at the dentist office
from a 256 phone number, Tuesday, January 3, 3:04 PM EST

My phone isnt broken i just had the case on wrong
from a 215 phone number, Wednesday, January 4, 5:28 PM EST

Hey. got a new phone I can actually talk now how did it go with the bishop?
from a 503 phone number, Wednesday, January 4, 6:41 PM EST

YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKE PHONES SO I PUT A TEXT MESSAGE ABOUT PHONES ON YOUR PHONE SO YOU COULD TEXT ABOUT PHONES WHILE ON YOUR PHONE

2012-01-04T21:01:00.003-05:00

What time were u thinking about doing lands end? Kk and adam want to go as well. I can go around 2 or so. Have some work to do here
from a 415 phone number, Monday, January 2, 2:45 PM EST

Sad u werent with us today!
from a 415 phone number, Monday, January 2, 8:31 PM EST

We found a secret beach at lands end
from a 415 phone number, Monday, January 2, 8:32 PM EST

Lands End is San Francisco's wildest and rockiest coast, a place strewn with shipwrecks and rife with landslides, not just an outdoorsy clothing store. (It was the "secret beach" thing that tipped me off.)

2012-01-04T21:00:00.001-05:00

RUy asleep alreafy?
Mommy
from a 239 phone number, Sunday, January 1, 1:36 AM EST

Nothing like drunk-ass Mommy texting you at 1:36 AM on New Year's Eve to see where the party's at.

2012-01-04T20:44:00.002-05:00

It's a bit late, but... HAPPY NEW YEARS! 2012 is going to be great. And that, my friend, is one indisputable fact.
from a 781 phone number, Sunday, January 1, 2:01 AM EST

Hola como estan tw deseo un feliz ano saludoes
from a 973 phone number, Sunday, January 1, 1:14 PM EST

Happy New Year to you and family love
from a 917 phone number, Sunday, January 1, 1:51 PM EST

Happy new year!
$@r@
from a 937 phone number, Sunday, January 1, 3:40 PM EST

And a happy new year to all of you! In 2011 I fell just short of posting the most Leila Texts updates ever. Blogger tells me I hit 713 in 2011, 714 in 2009. So close! Let's see if 2012 can't do one better...

2011-12-31T12:23:00.002-05:00

Are you able to see a new case today, trying to get my sister to switch to you!
from a 503 phone number, Wednesday, December 28, 2:15 PM EST

Also my sister can't work cuz of the pain, can you help with a letter to insurance company.
from a 503 phone number, Thursday, December 29, 2:46 PM EST

Is it considered rude to text your lawyer? I text lawyers a lot, but they are all like one year out of law school and my friends. My text messages to them usually say things like, "Yo let's get some ice cream," not, "Can you help with a letter to insurance company?"

2011-12-31T12:21:00.001-05:00

Tell call dad if she stll dare
from a 909 phone number, Thursday, December 29, 1:13 PM EST

"Truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"Okay. I dare you to call dad."
"[Gulp.]"

2011-12-31T12:17:00.001-05:00

I think i found u a photographer
from a 702 phone number, Wednesday, December 28, 2:36 PM EST

I hope the photographer they found is this chick. I love her work! I don't know what sort of use she would be to Leila, but still.

2011-12-31T12:15:00.002-05:00

Steve wants to just order pizza.
from a 719 phone number, Tuesday, December 27, 11:53 AM EST

He feels bad that we are alwways cooking.
from a 719 phone number, Tuesday, December 27, 12:13 PM EST

Steve: clearly a feminist. "A woman's place is not in the kitchen. A woman's place is on the phone with the pizza parlor!"

2011-12-31T12:12:00.002-05:00

Hey mom make it home safe?love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu soooooooo mmmmmmuuuuuucccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhh
from a 513 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 5:48 PM EST

513 abides by a standard rule in correspondence: if you can't think of how to make it clear that you really love someone, either make the words bigger (I LOVE YOU), or in ital (I love you), or in different colors (no idea how to do that on blogger), or really long (see above). That way everyone will understand how seriously you take your love.

2011-12-31T12:10:00.001-05:00

Im in victoria secret where r u?
from a 919 phone number, Monday, December 26, 10:59 AM EST

Sexxxy.

Oh, sorry. Should I have said "nsfw" first?

2011-12-31T12:08:00.002-05:00

Hi im at pump it up
from a 631 phone number, Monday, December 26, 12:23 PM EST

Pump It Up-- the inflatable party zone! Okay, yes. New New Years Eve plans: we are going to Pump It Up in New Jersey.

2011-12-31T11:58:00.003-05:00

So u bailing early to come here? Lol
from a 203 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 2:45 PM EST

So apparently newtown wasn't THAT bad ystdy haha
from a 203 phone number, Monday, December 26, 2:58 PM EST

Sometimes Christmas isn't all that we want it to be. This is true with many things, but especially with holidays. When you're like, "How much longer do I have to stay in this small house with a million people, watching Harry Potter #1 and drinking non-spiked eggnog because Aunt Marie is 'on the wagon'?"

2011-12-31T11:42:00.002-05:00

Bridal expo is Saturday Jan 7th...want to go? Its 10am to 5pm
from a 614 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 1:05 PM EST

Totally! I love a good expo. I hope they have examples of different types of napkins.

2011-12-31T11:39:00.002-05:00

Can tell Mike to let da kids stay with him cuz Kai n ki are here sick. I no like dem catch its other sick. I can drop dem taico n pk up Try.
from an 808 phone number, Thursday, December 29, 5:16 PM EST

Simply: 808 wants Leila to tell Mike to let the kids stay with him so they won't get sick. I get that part. The part I don't get is: does 808 actually know people named Kai, Ki, and Try?

2011-12-31T11:33:00.003-05:00

abdi congrtulation we are so very happy for you
from a 703 phone number, Thursday, December 29, 5:44 PM EST

Did Leila Abdi have a baby? Or graduate? Or did she get electedstudent body president?!

2011-12-31T11:33:00.001-05:00

HOW WAS THE SOUP
from a 262 phone number, Thursday, December 29, 7:37 PM EST

Soup is always awesome!

2011-12-31T11:30:00.002-05:00

LookAtThis
abcdefg
mommys gonna play with me
hijklmno
im gonna get down low
pqrstuv
im gonna go get a lee
wxy and z
im gonna get on my knee
from a 631 phone number, Thursday, December 29, 9:01 PM EST

Wow! I am looking at this, as you suggested, and it is incredible. What inspired you to write such a poem, 631?

2011-12-31T11:27:00.002-05:00

On the bus do u need groceries i can stop off for them if u do
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 30, 1:28 PM EST

I do! I need more Cheerios. I'll wait here for you to bring them over. THANKS!

2011-12-31T11:16:00.002-05:00

Drugs and alchol are rotting your brain and eating your soul.
from a 774 phone number, Friday, December 30, 2:02 PM EST

Possibly true. Kind of depends on how much drugs and alcohol Leila is doing, and how often. Good sentiment, 774, but needs more reasoned analysis.

2011-12-31T11:04:00.002-05:00

Looking for levis
from a 610 phone number, Friday, December 30, 6:27 PM EST

Oh my lord, it is so hard to find jeans that fit, you know? I am exhausted just thinking about it.

2011-12-31T11:03:00.001-05:00

My wallet was in the other purse.
from a 602 phone number, Friday, December 30, 10:51 PM EST

Trust me, better that than losing it entirely.

2011-12-31T11:00:00.002-05:00

Remember when we always used to "simba" our text tubes in 8th grade? good times!!!
misss you <3
from a 781 phone number, Friday, December 30, 11:55 PM EST

I would love to know what it means to "simba" a test tube. Does it mean you make it fall in love with another test tube named Nala? Does it mean that your test tube "just can't wait to be king"?

2011-12-31T10:58:00.001-05:00

I love you
from a 704 phone number, Saturday, December 31, 6:07 AM EST

It would have been really sweet, had Leila received this message.

2011-12-31T10:43:00.002-05:00

Hey
tReVoR+mEgAn=4EvEr <3
from a 419 phone number, Friday, December 30, 6:11 PM EST

Hey hey hey
tReVoR+mEgAn=4EvEr <3
from a 419 phone number, Saturday, December 31, 6:08 AM EST

What are you doing?
tReVoR+mEgAn=4EvEr <3
from a 419 phone number, Saturday, December 31, 7:33 AM EST

Even though I assume these texts are from Megan, it would be a whole lot more interesting if they were from Trevor.

2011-12-31T10:39:00.002-05:00

Meet me at da school on d field
JLK<3
from an 808 phone number, Saturday, December 17, 2:14 AM EST

Do you wrily like me
JLK<3
from an 808 phone number, Saturday, December 17, 2:20 AM EST

Yeah, JLK. I wrily like you. I want to marry you and have a million babies with you.

2011-12-31T10:29:00.002-05:00

The correct answer is 42. That is how many Leila Texts I received during my two weeks abroad. In the grand scheme of things, that's not actually too many. Let's see what people have been talking about since December 16, shall we?

hi its kori merry christmas
from a 704 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 8:30 AM EST

Merry Christmas!!
from an 803 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 8:44 AM EST

Feliz Nata! OBRIGADA por existir na minha vida!!Agradeco sempre a Deus por isso. amo todas vcs. Bjos saudades.
from a 973 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 5:54 PM EST

Hope ur christmas was happy. I miss you. Wish u were here. Glad u liked ur present.
from a 616 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 6:56 PM EST

Im so tired from Christmas wrapping im lucky to keep my eyes open tonight... My eyes are totally f*cking easchother ha ha ha
from a 973 phone number, Sunday, December 25, 10:27 PM EST

Merry christmas how was your day? love you and all your men! amg
from a 508 phone number, Monday, December 26, 8:41 AM EST

"Love to you and all your men" is my new favorite holiday greeting. Anyway, merry belated Christmas wishes!

2011-12-16T22:33:00.002-05:00

Dear Leila Texters,

Listen, don't panic, but I am going to be out of the country for the next two weeks. This means no access to my cell phone, which means no new Leila Texts until the new year.

I know it is hard. But I think you will pull through. There are 2,800 posts in the Leila Texts archives, and that ought to keep you busy. If you find that's just not enough and you need even more reading material, you can always read one of my novels: Past Perfect or Mostly Good Girls.

While I'm gone, feel free to post your estimates of how many text messages my cell phone will register when I touch down back in America after fourteen days away. I'm guessing 60. And I'm guessing that at least 20% of them will be about Christmas.

Happy holidays!
Leila

2011-12-16T22:32:00.000-05:00

Absolutely not. Not under any circumstances. Love you.
from a 484 phone number, Sunday, December 4, 9:05 PM EST

That is exactly how I respond whenever someone tries to get me to eat white chocolate.

2011-12-16T22:30:00.001-05:00

Hi Mike having rough time with pain and fever. I am trying to get jack ride w someone from team so I can go bback to hosp. Ill call u in little while
from a 508 phone number, Saturday, December 10, 8:09 AM EST

This sounds very rough. I hope that Mike is feeling better now, and that 508 found someone to help look after Jake so she can spend more time at Mike's bedside. Maybe Leila was able to help out. I hope so.

2011-12-16T22:28:00.002-05:00

hey leila can you work today from early until 3. we need to get stuff prepped so will need kayla in the back. can you work the front
from an 813 phone number, Tuesday, December 13, 9:31 AM EST

I know some people don't like working retail during the holiday season because it's so crazy and people are so demanding, but, I don't know, when I used to do it, I way preferred it to the rest of the year. If I'm going to be standing behind a cash register for six hours straight, I might as well be actually ringing some people up.

2011-12-16T22:25:00.002-05:00

Im wrapping up at hale nani so will b into office in next half hour
from an 808 phone number, Wednesday, December 14, 6:31 PM EST

Hale Nani is a rehabilitation and nursing clinic in Hawaii, which makes sense, since 808 is the Hawaii area code. I hope whomever Leila was visiting is doing okay.

2011-12-16T22:24:00.002-05:00

FWD: What did the grape say to the peanut butter?
from a 727 phone number, Thursday, December 15, 10:14 AM EST

"'Tis the season to be jelly."

(I don't know, I googled it. I think it's a Christmas thing.)

2011-12-16T22:23:00.000-05:00

Hey momas goin 2 take us 2 school in the mornin
from a 256 phone number, Thursday, December 15, 9:33 PM EST

Based on 256's spelling, I would say that's a first.

2011-12-16T22:18:00.002-05:00

Have to meet u at 8 at starbucks ... 4got i have a 9 30 commitment ... See u at the forbes & shady stbks at 8.
from a 412 phone number, Friday, December 16, 6:58 PM EST

This Starbucks is in Squirrel Hill, Pittsburgh. If I were in Pittsburgh tonight, I totally could have shown up here at 8pm and met some Leila Texters IN PERSON. Alas, I don't live in Pittsburgh. So much for that dream.

2011-12-13T21:45:00.002-05:00

Hi sorry i missed ur call i was talking to my dad oh and for thursday homework its 4.2 # 11-27 odd and # 47- 49 al
from a 408 phone number, Thursday, December 8, 11:49 PM EST

I love stealing lets steal phones,wallets,money,id cards,perfume, and jewerly
from a 408 phone number, Friday, November 9, 5:57 PM EST

How lucky to have a close friend such as Leila whom you can share your hobbies with. Stealing perfume alone is so lonely.

2011-12-13T21:43:00.001-05:00

do u have ideas of what i can get your kids for xmas ?
from a 610 phone number, Saturday, December 10, 12:15 PM EST

Of course. Get them my books! Unless Leila's kids are under the age of 12. In which case, probably not a good idea.

2011-12-13T21:42:00.000-05:00

Hey did u want Jake and Steven to have each other for the family secret Santa
from a 989 phone number, Friday, December 9, 11:18 AM EST

Are we still discussing this?

2011-12-13T21:36:00.002-05:00

Hey I still have not heard back from her but I asked Reagan if Madison was at school today and she said yes. I asked if she got there late and she said
from a 770 phone number, Thursday, December 8, 9:20 PM EST

Yes to that too and that Madison said she only got two hours of sleep lastnight so I guess he was there and they were fighting. Reagan said she didn't
from a 770 phone number, Thursday, December 8, 9:21 PM EST

Say anything else.
from a 770 phone number, Thursday, December 8, 9:22 PM EST

Remind me never to trust Reagan with a secret.

2011-12-13T21:35:00.001-05:00

Hi there. Having fun with your company? We are having fun with Ardis. Ardis wants to put you as a friend on facebook. But cant find you. How do you spell
from a 425 phone number, Friday, December 9, 2:15 PM EST

It's spelled L-E-I-L-A.

2011-12-13T21:28:00.002-05:00

idc that dominic doesnt even like me at all cause i didint like him in the 1st place anyway i only agreed 2 go out with him cause lindsay wanted me 2
from a 330 phone number, Saturday, December 10, 2:33 PM EST

i was an idoit 2 believe him when he said he liked me as a gf
from a 330 phone number, Saturday, December 10, 2:35 PM EST

we need 2 hang out soonn
from a 330 phone number, Sunday, December 11, 5:15 PM EST

The best part here-- and there are quite a few excellent parts-- is how somehow this all winds up being Lindsay's fault. Fuck you, Lindsay!

2011-12-13T21:27:00.002-05:00

I totally just killed at Space Invaders. And I bought you a puppy.
from a 517 phone number, Sunday, December 11, 1:28 AM EST

A lot of shit goes down when you leave a seventeen-year-old boy home alone.

2011-12-13T21:23:00.002-05:00

What did mendel do that helped prove the variations in generations resulted from his experiments with plants? Can you help me with this question
from an 850 phone number, Sunday, December 11, 11:20 AM EST

Honey, if you're going to cheat on your bio homework, Wikipedia is as reliable as texting your friend Leila. No need to make this more complicated than it has to be.

P.S. Lamarck was wrong!

2011-12-13T21:21:00.002-05:00

Doug bronstein says hello
from a 301 phone number, Sunday, December 11, 8:15 PM EST

Did you get my text?
from a 301 phone number, Monday, December 12, 11:24 AM EST

Yeah, I did, clearly. I just didn't respond because I didn't have anything to say. Like... good for Doug Bronstein?

2011-12-13T21:20:00.001-05:00

Hi i have my flat screen tv hanging up!
from a 541 phone number, Sunday, December 11, 10:50 PM EST

How did you accomplish that?! Did you hire someone? Or did you use like a screwdriver or something? I can't even hang up a goddamn framed photograph, never mind a flat-screen TV (which, btw, if it fell on you, could kill you).

2011-12-13T21:18:00.002-05:00

Yeah but she had to get her citizenship there
from a 347 phone number, Monday, December 12, 3:15 PM EST

Right. Leila, you can't just pick up and move to France and expect to get a job there. I don't care is Jeanine did it. She had to get her citizenship there.

...Maybe.

2011-12-13T21:18:00.001-05:00

This isn't real
from a 646 phone number, Monday, December 12, 4:57 PM EST

What, that I get text messages from strangers? 646, I assure you: it is real.

2011-12-13T21:11:00.002-05:00

One of u call mepls ~ i need u to do something for dinner :)
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Thursday, December 8, 3:04 PM EST

Btw ~ we r gonna need quarters for prkg in southside. pls find some. luke ~ is nick coming to r house or r we picking up?
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Tuesday, December 13, 3:22 PM EST

I'd say about half the time when 412 texts Leila, it is about dinner. Which is a lot, but I guess better than those people who text Leila 100% of the time about Justine Bieber.

2011-12-13T20:51:00.002-05:00

Hey have you emailed our project
Proud Sailor's Girlfriend
from a 316 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 7:46 PM EST

Is this an acceptable sig line for all girlfriends? "Proud Barista's Girlfriend"? "Proud Accountant's girlfriend"? "Proud Production Assistant's Girlfriend"?

2011-12-13T20:50:00.000-05:00

Where you going to send arline a christmas card? i really dont want to but if you do then i should as well.
from a 203 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 6:45 PM EST

Hahaha Arline's such a bitch, isn't she?

2011-12-13T20:46:00.002-05:00

Still planning on the drafting room tonight?
from a 484 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 12:59 PM EST

It's a taproom and grille. And they serve chocolate chip challah french toast. So, yeah. Why not. Let's go.

2011-12-13T20:44:00.001-05:00

acho q vou tomar cafe no cafe haleiwa quer vim?
from an 808 phone number, Tuesday, December 6, 1:39 PM EST

Something about drinking coffee, or not drinking coffee. Anyone?

2011-12-13T20:42:00.001-05:00

You ready to party? ********
from a 281 phone number, Monday, December 5, 11:43 PM EST

ALWAYS. Especially on a Monday night.

2011-12-13T20:41:00.001-05:00

philipp Twas the nite b4 xmas and all throu the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
from a 917 phone number, Monday, December 5, 6:05 PM EST

It's still a couple weeks b4 xmas, actually. But close.

2011-12-13T20:33:00.001-05:00

Did u pass? Lol. It was soo hard!
from a 330 phone number, Monday, December 5, 12:39 PM EST

Ugh, I know. I h8 the SATs.

2011-12-07T23:37:00.002-05:00

Go straight home
plumer is coming .
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 12:13 PM EST

cant talk
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 1:46 PM EST

R u home ?
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 1:55 PM EST

hello
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 2:05 PM EST

Maybe I haven't responded to you because you haven't said anything interesting, did that ever occur to you? Maybe I don't want to let in the goddamn plumber. Maybe I have other, more important stuff to do. Yeah.

2011-12-07T23:32:00.001-05:00

Will someone pls plug in the xmas lights?
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Tuesday, December 6, 4:20 PM EST

For some reason, 412's family seems like the sort of family that gets really into the holiday season.

2011-12-07T23:31:00.002-05:00

What is the name of my procedure
from a 516 phone number, Monday, December 5, 11:10 AM EST

A keratin treatment.

2011-12-07T23:27:00.002-05:00

Never minf wat i said before i dont like like u
from a 917 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 4:39 PM EST

I dont like like u never mind i like someone else
from a 917 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 4:47 PM EST

After Leila ignored his 20 text messages and indicated that she did not really care for the new Justin Bieber single, 917 fell out of love with her. Frankly, I don't blame him.

2011-12-04T19:20:00.002-05:00

Did you get the new house??
from a 713 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 8:02 PM EST

Much like leaf blowing, buying a new house fills me with anxiety about being an adult. You have to get it inspected. And stuff. You need a mortgage, probably. If I were Leila (which I am), I would just give up now.