"the older you get, the more..." What? The more what? We were so close to getting some wisdom!

Presumably this Intended Leila is a prostitute, since Angelwings is texting her to make an "app" for a "hook-up."

Ugh. Steven. What a sheep.

This sounds great! If there is a pool then I am DEFINITELY coming over! If you don't have a pool, that okay; you can also win my friendship with a backyard trampoline or a convertible.

This is the plot of a Paula Danziger novel right here. Child of divorced parents. Ditched by her friend Leila. Missing her shorts. What's a girl to do?

And just like this, another middle-school romance collapses.

Sure I'll help color your hair. I'll help color it LIKE THIS:

Came home from a week out of the country to this text message. Sure thing, guy.

Portion control is great and all, but counting pieces of pasta is taking dieting to the next level.

This series of texts makes me feel pretty darn bad for Eric's parents.

Happy Belmont Stakes day! Whom are YOU betting on?

I had Grand Jury duty two years ago. I saw a LOT of ADAs an heard about a LOT of robberies. Grand Jury is alternately incredibly boring and incredibly depressing, and it's hard to say which part is worse.

Actually, I just don't want to talk to her anymore. But I didn't have the heart to tell her that.

What book are Leila and 315 reading?

Options:

50 Shades of Grey
Bridge to Terebithia

So where do we think Leila works that's fast at night but not during the day? I keep coming back to "24-hour strip club," but that may just be the optimist in me.

908 leads an extremely healthy lifestyle.

It's St. Mary's Assyrian Church, actually. In Tarzana, California. But what are they voting on? That's the real question. Also, have any of you ever actually been to Tarzana, California?

Murrieta Valley is a school district in California. If their website is to be believed, the school Leila's playing is going to be hard to beat. Their website also notes that they are good at spelling bees.

Gonna go out on a limb here and say that Leila sounds like a bit of a fuckup.

To all of you who are in your last days of school: hooray! What are your summer plans?