Merci, han hoet au tanze, hoffe blamiere mi ned… ond du hesch aues parat foerd schuel?
from a 651 phone number, Tuesday, September 7, 3:26 PM EST

I am stymied. This isn't French, other than the "merci." A few words in here are German, but not that many. None of it is Portuguese. What IS this?

In case you ever wondered what it means to be the recipient of the Leila Texts, it basically means that I spend a lot of my life on Babelfish.

Leila its Cassidy go on youtube and type in tails of adventure slideshow. i think youll like it!
from an 865 phone number, Monday, September 6, 5:19 PM EST

Here is what you find when you type in "tails of adventure slideshow." It is more or less exactly what I would be doing right now, if I were 12 years old.

hey girl wtf
from a 770 phone number, Monday, September 6, 4:10 PM EST

This calls to mind a classic text message invented many years ago by me and my best friend Allie. Some boy had acted toward me in a way that was totally baffling, and we determined that I should send him a text that said, simply, "wtf i hate you." I never did it, but only because I was scared, not because he didn't deserve it. I'm glad to see someone out there (770) has the balls to say what I never could. Sort of.

Boys suck. they dont listen or care. jeff is out of town weekend of 17th of sept i will be by myself.
from an 843 phone number, Friday, September 10, 9:14 PM EST

Boys do suck, that is true. But going out of town for a week is not the primary reason why.

R u still celebrating yer holiday?
MICHAELA :)
from a 260 phone number, Friday, September 10, 4:42 PM EST

Yes. Michaela, it is sundown to sundown. 4:42 PM does not sundown make. This is true of all Jewish holidays, so best to just learn it now.

Is it Monday night?
from a 301 phone number, Friday, September 10, 11:32 AM EST

I know, like, will this weekend never end?

Guess what i m part i m in the nutcracker
from an 850 phone number, Thursday, September 9, 5:55 PM EST

Clara! I hope Clara.

What services r u going 2
from a 216 phone number, Wednesday, September 8, 3:09 PM EST

Oh, yes: Shana Tova!

I FIND IN RM A VERY SM PAPER SAYS LETYOURMANNERS SPEAK YOURDEEDS PROVE AND YOUR DELIVERY IMPRESS FUGINOKO GONE WILLBETHOUGHTFUL RESPECT
I T A L Y
from an 808 phone number, Wednesday, September 8, 2:36 AM EST

Totally.