Larry cleaned the pool if the girls want to go swimming.
from a 912 phone number, Sunday, May 29, 1:39 PM EST

HELL YES the girls want to go swimming! It's like 90 degrees outside!

Now, if only I had a pool for Larry to clean for me...

did she introduce her boy friend whats he like
from a 425 phone number, Sunday, May 29, 9:43 PM EST

Tall, dark, and handsome.

Just kidding. The odds are against that. He's probably medium-height and acne-scarred, like the rest of us.

Are you coming to my party on Saterday? Please reply soon! :)
UnicornsPoop2
from a 701 phone number, Monday, May 30, 12:09 PM EST

Ah, but do unicorns poop too? Do we know that for a fact?

Can u com ova
from an 858 phone number, Monday, May 30, 1:41 PM EST

Literally 3/4 of this text message is spelled incorrectly. SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT. It's a wonder we can even parse his meaning.

Hi Leila. I forgot to take Christopher sheets out of the dryer downstairs. Can u please get them from the dryer. I am sorry ;(
from a 908 phone number, Tuesday, May 31, 9:12 AM EST

This is reminding me that I, too, have sheets in the dryer. Much like Christopher. I have been postponing getting them by updating the Leila Texts. I am that kind of lazy.

Good morning. Are you planning on transporting your child CLC class this summer on Tuesday and Thursday? I see that they are signed up but attendance
from an 858 phone number, Tuesday, May 31, 11:05 AM EST

Is not mandatory
from an 858 phone number, Tuesday, May 31, 11:06 AM EST

That'd be College of Lake County classes. At least, I think it is?

Congratulations ?! Well done?
from an 843 phone number, Wednesday, June 1, 8:51 AM EST

Thank you??

fufu FWd....no need juice. we going wit water only. if they like juice they can get from their own tent.
from an 808 phone number, Thursday, June 2, 3:43 AM EST

Yeah! Let them suffer! That is what it means to live in the WILD.

U buster how dear u foret about me i will never forgive this bad u r
from a 973 phone number, Thursday, June 2, 9:02 AM EST

This would sound a lot more menacing if it were written in actual English sentences.

R u mad at me
< 3Me R H8 Me Im A Real CntryGrl
from an 803 phone number, Friday, June 3, 3:41 PM EST

Am I mad at you that your sig line is "Heart me or Hate Me, I'm a Real Country Girl"? No, I don't think mad is exactly the word I'm looking for...

I have to meet your mom on bainbridge island. Traffic is ugly. Please let the dogs out when you get out of school. See you guys tonite. Thanks babe
from a 253 phone number, Friday, June 3. 6:05 PM EST

Bainbridge Island is apparently an ACTUAL ISLAND in Washington state. I did not know this until I googled it. I thought it might be a traffic island. I guess meeting on an ACTUAL ISLAND sounds better than meeting in the middle of a street.

Hi leila plz dont go to my house cause im at ur dads house since papi needs 2 clean up so people can rent it
from a 201 phone number, Saturday, June 4, 11:08 AM EST

Okay, so 201 is at Leila's dad's house, because she can't be at her own house, because her dad is cleaning her house, so that people can rent it. Maybe. So 201 and Leila are, like, cousins?

Gramma peg is dying shes at robinson
from a 330 phone number, Sunday, June 5, 9:04 AM EST

I don't think I'd like to learn that my grandmother was dying via text message. I think I'd want a phone call.

freindes Hay i won a contest yesterday
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, June 5, 3:52 PM EST

OMG. What kind of contest?? What did you win? Did you win M&Ms? One time I won a school spelling bee and I got M&Ms. NOT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING.

Should i bring ma nerd glasses?
from a 714 phone number, Saturday, June 4, 3:09 PM EST

At a party soo bored.
from a 714 phone number, Sunday, June 5, 5:10 PM EST

Perhaps if you had brought your nerd glasses to the party, you would not now be so bored, hmm?

Did u pay your dad if not i wil get it frm u 2nte take jody money 2day
from an 814 phone number, Sunday, June 5, 11:56 AM EST

Either u start ans me or i wil turn the fuckn phone off next time i hear u dont ans him im turning your phone off im sick and tired of the bullsh
from an 814 phone number, Sunday, June 5, 10:47 PM EST

This strikes me as a dysfunctional parent-child relationship. Very dysfunctional. If I had one piece of parenting advice, it would be this: Do not threaten your children via text message.

How is Rachael? This is Granny!!
from a 410 phone number, Tuesday, June 7, 6:38 PM EST

I texted 410 back. She's a grandmother. You can't just ignore her.

Don't walk to fast or you mayloseyour balance!
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 5:49 PM EST

Finish
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 5:49 PM EST

Hello. My name is Polli Chang and I specialize in Avon catalogs. I would like to recieve your home phone number and address to send them to you.
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 5:52 PM EST

We also have many sales going on currently and I would really like to have the chance to let you into them with a little information.
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 5:54 PM EST

We are also selling jewelry,if you didn't know. This would and could be a great opportunity for you right now. We are hiring workers right now.
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 5:56 PM EST

If you just happen to be interested, don't hesitate to call me or any of my office aids at 1-800-624-3728. We pay $.06 an hour.
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 5:59 PM EST

This could really help you out in the future! And if you're good enough of an employee, we'll even letvyou create a little something of your own.
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 6:01 PM EST

Whether it's ranging from different lipstick styles and colors to you very own perfume! (Even though you're not famous, we'll let you slip!)
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 6:04 PM EST

Thank you for your time, cooperation, and patience. Remember, just call me anytime!
-Agent Polli Chang
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 6:06 PM EST

Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today.....
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 6:44 PM EST

Who will love me for me.........
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 6:58 PM EST

Shut your mouth, Leila.
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 7:46 PM EST

You're soooo annoying.
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 7:47 PM EST

You are extrememly annoying and irritating!!!
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:25 PM EST

Aflac
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:25 PM EST

Doggies
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:26 PM EST

Superguarantee
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:26 PM EST

Yo,wazzup! Just chillin' with da crew?
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:27 PM EST

HELLO!!!! Can you hear me?
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:28 PM EST

Please text me back!
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:29 PM EST

Good morning!
from a 210 phone number, Monday, June 6, 8:30 PM EST

I swear to you, all of these text messages were sent from one phone number, to one Leila, over the course of one three-hour span. Honestly. It's hard to say what's the most unbelievable here: that 210 really has nothing better to do with her time, that it took her 20 texts to realize that Leila wasn't responding, or that she accused me of being annoying.