Saturday, March 1, 2008

What time do you want to get going and do we need juicy to get us loosey goosey?
from a 518 phone number, Friday, February 29, 8:11 PM

That is probably the worst euphemism I have ever heard for "let's drink alcohol."
omg! are you there!
from a 763 phone number, Friday, February 29, 4:45 PM

why arent you answering me! grrrrrrrrrrrr!
from a 763 phone number, Friday, February 29, 4:47 PM

hgggg! grrrrrrrrrrith! answer me! now! come on! christine is getting impatiant! and yes that word is spelled wrong!
from a 763 phone number, Friday, February 29, 4:50 PM

I hate how young teenage girls will do this, where they text like a million times over the course of a few minutes, as though that will elicit a response, whereas one text did not. Come on. In the very first text, 763 acknowledges the possibility that Leila may not be there. Therefore, 763 ought to be emotionally prepared for Leila's potentially not replying. Yet 763 is clearly incapable of accepting that eventuality.

What raises her in my esteem, though, is that she used fully TEN EXCLAMATION POINTS over the course of three text messages and five minutes. That's more exclamation points than I use in an entire DAY.
Hi from bay ridge! Have fun in Auckland u lucky bugger. Its freezing here!
from a 347 phone number, Friday, February 29, 11:13 AM

I wonder if 347 and Leila are both originally FROM Auckland. Usually I would assume that Leila was simply going there on vacation, but 347's use of the phrase "u lucky bugger" makes him sound like a Kiwi. Or, at least, not an American. Unless maybe they ARE both Americans, and 347 is just using that as a cute turn of phrase, like when my friend Jason went to England for a couple days and I asked him if he was going to "pull any fit birds."
Thanks 4 calling this morning. Talked 2 kristy earlier. Recovering slowly from surgery. Miss u guys, work? Not yet! Hope ur night is ok.
from an 818 phone number, Friday, February 29, 1:36 AM

Surgery is tough, 818 lady. Hope you feel better soon!
That shits hellawickedillyo!
from a 914 phone number, Thursday, February 28, 9:32 PM

I go over this rule every couple months, but since this blog has acquired so many new readers in the past 24 hours, I'd like to reiterate myself: You are welcome to try out the Leila Texts for yourself, and I will do my best to reply to you-- like, if I'm not sleeping or in an important meeting at work or whatever. But you must be clear that you really are trying to reach ME, and no other Leila. Because, honestly, 914 could be saying that it's hellawickedillyo that I get text messages from strangers, or he could be saying that it's hellawickedillyo that some random other Leila has a won a free trip to Disneyworld. How should I know?
What was the damage? A couple of grand and a dead stripper or two?
from a 917 phone number, Thursday, February 28, 6:45 PM

Since Brooklyn Based ran a piece about the Leila Texts yesterday, I have received a number of texts from people (mostly in the Brooklyn area) who want to talk to me about my blog. Then there's this one, which is obviously a ploy to get a text featured in this blog.

I mean, COME ON. "A couple of grand"? "A dead stripper or two"? If this text had come from any other area code, I might have accepted it as a legitimate misdirected Leila Text; as it is, 917 guy, I see right through you. Same goes for any 212, 646, or 718 phones that might have texting capabilities, just in case that was your backup plan.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Leila kaz just told me tha kaelen is going to assk me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from a 914 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 6:16 PM

Leila kaz just told me tha kaelen is going to assk me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go to my commenmtaa
from a 914 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 6:24 PM

I understand that this is easily the most consequential thing to happen in 914's entire life, so I don't fault her for re-sending this text message when Leila failed to respond within the first eight minutes. What I don't understand, though, is the random string of letters at the end of the re-sent message. "commenmtaa"? Is that like "comment," only with the suffix "mtaa"? "Go to my comment" makes no sense, either.

That technicality aside, I'm really on pins and needles here. Was Kaz right? Did Kaelen ask you out, 914 girl? Don't you want to text your friend Leila and update her on this situation, please?
i cant go... lot of stuff going on rt now. ill make it up to u. if anything changes ill call b4 6
from a 646 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 3:03 PM

Bets on where 646 can't go to? Something that starts around 6:00 or so. I'm guessing... dinner.
Hey its jen r u stil at skool
from a 267 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 2:29 PM

Hey Jen. What's up. No, I am not still at skool, I graduated a few years back, actually. But I bet you still are, right?
FWD: Roses r red,violet r blue, u cool as shit,dats y i fuck wit u.U my homie,as well as my friend. if i dont get 1 .fuck u then. Love ya!
from a 734 phone number, Tuesday, February 26, 8:02 PM

This is right up there with Keats, Tennyson, Coleridge...

Also: I had gotten the impression from other texts that "homie" pretty much means "friend." But then why say "U my homie,as well as my friend"? There must be some subtle difference between the two that I'm unaware of. Clue me in, Leila Texters!
p m g&gs 4 crab cks & pups
from a 707 phone number, Tuesday, February 26, 3:06 PM

"I am concerned my text message be intercepted before reaching Leila. Therefore, I am writing it in ULTRA-SECRET CODE. Even if, by chance, some other Leila should stumble across this message in her inbox, she will never be able to DECODE IT. MUHAHAHA I AM A SPY."
Does 2 written pages equal I typed?
from an 865 phone number, Tuesday, February 26, 10:02 AM

865 must be in like fifth grade or something, because I feel like "2 handwritten pages equals 1 typed" is one of the first rules of thumb you learn when you enter middle school.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

answer?
from a 251 phone number, Saturday, February 23, 4:50 PM

No.
where r u ????
from a 251 phone number, Sunday, February 24, 11:28 AM

In bed. Where are you? Probably in Southern Alabama somewhere, am I right, 251 guy?