Leelo en voz baja: Virgencita, t amo mucho y necesito para siempre estes en lo mas profundo d mi corazon,no m dejes de tu mano,cubre con los benediciones
from a 951 phone number, Friday, December 14, 4:39 PM

a mi familia,hogar, empleo,finazas,suenos,pro yectos y amigos. pasa esta oracion a 7 pers. excepto a mi, recibiras un milagro manana no lo ignores
from a 951 phone number, Friday, December 14, 4:40 PM

Thank God I took Spanish in high school:

Text 1: Read this softly: little virgin, I love you a lot and I need for you always to be in the profoundest of my heart, do not leave me from your hand, cover with the benedictions.

Tex2: To my family, home, employment, finances, dreams, protectors, and friends. Pass this oration on to 7 people excepting me, and you will receive a miracle tomorrow that you cannot ignore.

The Leila Texts may actually turn out to be very useful for building my Spanish vocabulary.

i bet ill show up and ya'll are gunna be sleepy..and crashed out
from an 858 phone number, Friday, December 14, 3:58 AM

You are correct in your bet, 858 guy. I WAS sleepy and crashed out when you sent this text message. Because it was 4 AM IN THE GODDAMN MORNING ON A GODDAMN WEEKNIGHT.

Hi give me a call please thank sandra
from a 505 phone number, Thursday, December 13, 12:14 PM

I did give Sandra a call. Because, you know, she asked me to. And I do my best to follow orders.

Unrelated: I'm going to be out of the country, with no access to my cell phone, during the last week of December. I'm genuinely worried about how many text messages are going to accumulate without my being around to delete them. My saved text messages inbox is already at 85% capacity. What happens when you go over your limit? The best I can hope for is that people won't text anyone named Leila during that week. I don't know if I can bank on that.

Hey wats up
from a 301 phone number, Wednesday, December 12, 6:10 PM

I'm sitting in my living room, eating Annie's macaroni and cheese in my pajamas, so, honestly, not that much.

Mummy says hi and
from a 718 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:29 PM

Luv
from a 718 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:30 PM

You
from a 718 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:30 PM

But does Mummy say, "718 girl, I pay your cell phone bills, and you just spent 30 cents on texts when you could have spent only 10"?


Also, dear readers, I'm going to level with you here: I mostly just update this blog whenever my cell phone inbox is overflowing and I need to record these texts some place so that I can free up enough space to receive actual texts from my actual friends. Yes, they are few and far between, but sometimes I really do get text messages directed to me. It's crazy, I know.

O too cool for m now?
from a 978 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:27 PM

Probably. I am really very cool, you know.

wat r u doing
from a 415 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:08 PM

NO. Do you know who this is from? SYDNEY, VERONICA'S FRIEND. I'm not... I can't even address this. Sydney, sweetie, check your voicemail. I think I explained matters there more clearly than I could ever hope to do in print.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, SYDNEY.

Do u know if jula made ur team? That would be cool
from a 310 phone number, Monday, December 10, 9:11 PM

No, 310, I don't know. I feel like I've explained this very clearly in the past: I use the Leila Texts as a source of sports knowledge. I don't have any sports knowledge to offer. Please send me statements, not questions. What good would a Magic 8 ball be if it asked only questions?

hey its t]ler wuzup
*HOLY SHRIMP!*
from a 706b phone number, Saturday, December 8, 9:48 PM

My phone won't let me use predictive typing to write "shit," so I think substituting in "shrimp" is a good second-best option. Nice thinking, t]ler.

My phone also won't let me type "damn." Instead, the options it gives me are "econ," "famo," "fann," "dann," "damo," and "ebon"-- NONE OF WHICH ARE ACTUALLY WORDS, UNLIKE "DAMN," WHICH IS-- so, t]ler, if you can come up with any clever names for shellfish that sound like the word "damn," please let me know.

R U going tonight to Mac?
from a 949 phone number, Saturday, December 8, 3:17 PM

Potential explanations here...
949 and Leila are going to the MAC cosmetics store?
They're going to the Apple computer store?
They're eating at McDomalds?

Please, aforementioned companies, feel free to send me promotional materials any time now.

Omg r u kiddin me? U say u never wanna se or talk to me again. Wow grow up. Now u kno how i feel when ur all over marc ok. Ya much no a best friend!
from a 203 phone number, Friday, December 7, 2 :19 PM

And u say thats just who u r. Well u can change that cuz if i can than so can u. So grow up and dont cal me a bitch when i do so much for u.
from a 203 phone number, Friday, December 7, 2:21 PM

There's nothing like being told to "grow up" by a girl who breaks up with her best friend over text messaging. 203 is obviously a paragon of maturity, and if she says to grow up, well, then Leila should probably grow the hell up, shouldn't she?

I called this girl back, anyway, because I thought I could provide a little wisdom that comes from having lived through middle school. I ended up leaving her a message, in which I first explained how to text her ex-best friend Leila (instead of me), and then went on to say the following:

"This text you tried to send Leila is pretty passive-aggressive. It's generally better to carry on these sorts of conversations over the phone, or better yet in person. If you can't say these things to her in person, then they probably shouldn't be said. More to the point, you know Leila is just going to forward this text to all your friends. And then you'll come off looking bad. It's always better not to have these things in writing. Okay, good luck!"

I don't know if 203 took my advice to heart or not. I haven't yet gotten any thank-you texts, so I guess not. But 203 girl, if you're out there and want to thank me but just don't know how: You always know how to reach me.

Happy sister day! You may or may not have my blood but you have my heart. Aww.
from an 858 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 10:45 PM

Dude, 858 girl, chill the hell out. You already texted this message to me. Twice. If I didn't respond, it's because the feeling is obviously not reciprocated. You think I don't have enough on my plate, what with Veronica's friend's latent potential crush on Leila? Now I also have to deal with your hourly declarations of sisterly affection for your Leila? Seriously, girls.

hey this is veronicas friend
from a 415 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 9:34 PM

hey
from a 415 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 10:03 PM

i juss finished dance
from a 415 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 10:04 PM

In case you haven't been following the evolution of these "hi its veronicas friend sydney" texts, I urge you to read back to the 415 texts of November 27, 28, and 30.

Well, okay, to be honest, there hasn't been much evolution. Veronica's friend is saying approximately the same things that she was saying to Leila a week ago. This dance thing is new-- who knew Sydney danced?-- but otherwise it's just more of the same blah blah "hey" blah blah "its me veronicas friend" blah etc.

I finally called this girl back, immediately after I received her two in-a-row text messages. I had to leave a message-- perhaps her parents have taught her not to answer phone calls from strangers? I explained how to text Leila without reaching me by accident. So, God willing, I will never again hear from Sydney. So we'll never find out if she does turn out to be bi, or if she and Leila do ever hook up. Never-ending suspense!

Hi.. u ok? call when u r off the phone. love mum
from a 718 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 8:28 PM

A note to my mother, if she reads this blog: See? It's not that hard. Other mothers can figure out how to text message. You can manage it, too.

Of course, this mother did it wrong. And her text message went to me, a total stranger, as opposed to her daughter, Leila. So perhaps you should not look to her as a technologically astute maternal role model, after all.

Wat u doin?
~*PRINCESS*~
from an 828 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 3:48 PM

From here on out, I will sign all my text messages ~*PRINCESS*~. Just so that people know who they're dealing with. They'll be like, "I'm sorry, what are you? A My Little Pony?" And I'll be like, "Evidently, yeah."

FWD:Happy sister day! You may or may not have my blood but you have my heart. Send 2 all your girls (even me!) and if you get 5 back, you're LOVED!:)
from an 858 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 6:21 PM

Happy sister day! You may or may not have my blood but you have my heart. Aww.
from an 858 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 9:33 PM

I can just picture 858 wondering, "Why hasn't Leila returned that chain text to me yet? I sent it to her THREE HOURS ago! Could it be that she's busy? Could it be that the text message mistakenly went to THE WRONG LEILA? Nah. I'll just text her the same thing again, only I'll change around the words slightly. Yeah. Good idea."

I am sick of sister day, and it's not even a real holiday. Today is, however, the third night of Hannukah. Anyone want to send me any Hannukah chain texts? That person who, a few weeks ago, was sending chain texts about saying tefilot for a brain-dead Israeli infant? No? Anyone?

haha denile! seeing if you wanne hang out tomorrow..stop clearing all my calls!
from an 858 phone number, Tuesday, December 4, 11:40 PM

I originally read "denile" as a name, like "Danielle," and I was like, "Uh, the girl whom you're texting is not named Denile... She's named Leila..." But then I realized that 858 actually meant denial. Presumably as in, "Stop clearing all my calls, you're in denial that I'm calling you."

It's a good thing I just get misdirected text messages, and not misdirected phone calls, too. How annoying would it be if I got a bunch of calls from this 858 girl being like, "Answer your phone! Stop denying me!"

Hey let's not do it until friday i have a whole Shit load of college stuff to do and if you wait i will get us more. What we have now is not enough
from a 703 phone number, Monday, December 3, 2:52 PM

The college stuff I understand, since college applications are due at the end of this month and, if you haven't written all those essays, you really need to get on that now. But I still don't know what exactly it is that 703 and Leila aren't going to do until Friday. Whatever it is, it requires a lot of something, since what they have now is not enough. A lot of something that 703 has access to. I envision it as being maybe an art project that involves a lot of seashells, and at some point between now and Friday, 703 is going to take a break from her college apps to go seashell collecting.

It's probably not really seashells, though. That's probably just my imagination.

hi you. xo
from a 561 phone number, Monday, December 3, 10:53 AM

can we skype? i want to talk..
from a 561 phone number, Tuesday, December 4, 7:36 PM

Although I hate texts that say merely "hi," somehow the "xo" makes it better. You know, like maybe 561 person loves Leila?

The reference to skype I find intriguing. I only skype with my friends who live out of the country. I can't think why you'd want to skype with someone who lives in America. Why can't 561 person just stop using his cell phone to TEXT Leila, and start using his cell phone to CALL her?

Im so bored! u betta keep that promise member u said u was gonna straiten that hair of urs. tell ur mom i said HOLA!
from a 214 phone number, Sunday, December 2, 12:36 PM

It's so funny that Leila would make a PROMISE to straighten her hair. I mean, I promise lots of things-- I promise to wash the dishes, or I promise to get some information to my boss-- but never have I said, "I PROMISE to straighten my hair," and had a friend respond, "All right, you betta, I'm holding you to that." More likely, my friends would be like, "If you want. Whatever."