Thanks 4 calling this morning. Talked 2 kristy earlier. Recovering slowly from surgery. Miss u guys, work? Not yet! Hope ur night is ok.
from an 818 phone number, Friday, February 29, 1:36 AM

Surgery is tough, 818 lady. Hope you feel better soon!

That shits hellawickedillyo!
from a 914 phone number, Thursday, February 28, 9:32 PM

I go over this rule every couple months, but since this blog has acquired so many new readers in the past 24 hours, I'd like to reiterate myself: You are welcome to try out the Leila Texts for yourself, and I will do my best to reply to you-- like, if I'm not sleeping or in an important meeting at work or whatever. But you must be clear that you really are trying to reach ME, and no other Leila. Because, honestly, 914 could be saying that it's hellawickedillyo that I get text messages from strangers, or he could be saying that it's hellawickedillyo that some random other Leila has a won a free trip to Disneyworld. How should I know?

What was the damage? A couple of grand and a dead stripper or two?
from a 917 phone number, Thursday, February 28, 6:45 PM

Since Brooklyn Based ran a piece about the Leila Texts yesterday, I have received a number of texts from people (mostly in the Brooklyn area) who want to talk to me about my blog. Then there's this one, which is obviously a ploy to get a text featured in this blog.

I mean, COME ON. "A couple of grand"? "A dead stripper or two"? If this text had come from any other area code, I might have accepted it as a legitimate misdirected Leila Text; as it is, 917 guy, I see right through you. Same goes for any 212, 646, or 718 phones that might have texting capabilities, just in case that was your backup plan.

Leila kaz just told me tha kaelen is going to assk me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from a 914 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 6:16 PM

Leila kaz just told me tha kaelen is going to assk me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go to my commenmtaa
from a 914 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 6:24 PM

I understand that this is easily the most consequential thing to happen in 914's entire life, so I don't fault her for re-sending this text message when Leila failed to respond within the first eight minutes. What I don't understand, though, is the random string of letters at the end of the re-sent message. "commenmtaa"? Is that like "comment," only with the suffix "mtaa"? "Go to my comment" makes no sense, either.

That technicality aside, I'm really on pins and needles here. Was Kaz right? Did Kaelen ask you out, 914 girl? Don't you want to text your friend Leila and update her on this situation, please?

i cant go... lot of stuff going on rt now. ill make it up to u. if anything changes ill call b4 6
from a 646 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 3:03 PM

Bets on where 646 can't go to? Something that starts around 6:00 or so. I'm guessing... dinner.

Hey its jen r u stil at skool
from a 267 phone number, Wednesday, February 27, 2:29 PM

Hey Jen. What's up. No, I am not still at skool, I graduated a few years back, actually. But I bet you still are, right?

FWD: Roses r red,violet r blue, u cool as shit,dats y i fuck wit u.U my homie,as well as my friend. if i dont get 1 .fuck u then. Love ya!
from a 734 phone number, Tuesday, February 26, 8:02 PM

This is right up there with Keats, Tennyson, Coleridge...

Also: I had gotten the impression from other texts that "homie" pretty much means "friend." But then why say "U my homie,as well as my friend"? There must be some subtle difference between the two that I'm unaware of. Clue me in, Leila Texters!

p m g&gs 4 crab cks & pups
from a 707 phone number, Tuesday, February 26, 3:06 PM

"I am concerned my text message be intercepted before reaching Leila. Therefore, I am writing it in ULTRA-SECRET CODE. Even if, by chance, some other Leila should stumble across this message in her inbox, she will never be able to DECODE IT. MUHAHAHA I AM A SPY."

Does 2 written pages equal I typed?
from an 865 phone number, Tuesday, February 26, 10:02 AM

865 must be in like fifth grade or something, because I feel like "2 handwritten pages equals 1 typed" is one of the first rules of thumb you learn when you enter middle school.

answer?
from a 251 phone number, Saturday, February 23, 4:50 PM

No.

where r u ????
from a 251 phone number, Sunday, February 24, 11:28 AM

In bed. Where are you? Probably in Southern Alabama somewhere, am I right, 251 guy?

You ladies still going out later?
from a 970 phone number, Saturday, February 9, 9:44 PM

Obvi. 'Cause we're ladies, riiiiight? Holla!

Hey leila its me your favorite fabulouse sister umm mommy just sent a pacage for u but idk what it is love u avia
from an 845 phone number, Saturday, February 9, 11:28 AM

Avia does seem like a pretty fabulouse sister. I wonder what was in the package. Candy? My mom often sends me candy. And sometimes stuffed animals.

Well found out last night matt has a game so we may have logistical probs
from an 865 phone number, Friday, February 8, 10:30 AM

J would like to see a movie tho
from an 865 phone number, Friday, February 8, 11:13 AM

This comes from the same guy who was asking about buying Abercrombie shorts for k. I assume 865 is a dude, and Leila is his wife, and k, Matt, and J (referred to in the Abercrombie message as 'Jess') are their children. This explanation isn't necessarily true, but I consider it the most parsimonious. Occam's Razor, etc.

is anyone taking mackenzie to disney on ice tell her to see her my space
from a 916 phone number, Thursday, February 7, 12:27 AM

Whoa, what's on Mackenzie's MySpace? Some posting about Disney on ice? If Mackenzie is young enough to need to be taken to Disney on ice, isn't she also too young to have a MySpace account? I mean, there are internet pedophiles out there. Don't you ever read the newspaper?

FWD: Fwd:FWD: FWD: FWD: ----> sHoOt tHiiS aRrOw tO 14 hEaRtS u TrUlY cArE bOuT ( iiNcLuDiNg Me!) In tHe NeXt 14 MiNuTeS nD u WiiLl hAvE tHe PeRfEcT feb 14
from an 818 phone number, Thursday, February 7, 3:40 AM

This was very hard to type up.

cell hey i may get my car on thurs
from a 703 phone number, Tuesday, February 5, 11:51 AM

Ohhhh man I am totally jeal. I want to get a car! (And then I want to get someone else to pay for gas, insurance, and parking.)

hey hey hey
from a 503 phone number, Monday, February 4, 10:21 PM

This is basically just a boring "hey" text, which I receive at least two of every week, only 503 has exerted a lazy attempt to spice it up by repeating the same boring word three times. You are not fooling anyone, 503.

Does k need a pair of short kakhi shorts from Abercrombie...size 16 son big in waist for Jess...only 10 dollars
from an 865 phone number, Monday, February 4, 12:51 PM

Does k need a pair of $10 Abercrombie shorts? Hell yes she does! Abercrombie usually costs mad bucks. If you spy a deal, my god, grab it while you can!

FWD: FWD: FWD: ...Give this rose ))>-%-- to everyone u care bout. C if u get a dozen before Valentines Day .
from an 805 phone number, Sunday, February 3, 11:45 PM

Sorry, another Valentines Day-related text that I failed to post at the appropriate time. (I was busy.) Now that I have the chance to comment, I just want to say: ))>-%-- actually looks more like a rose than I originally thought. (The petals are to the left-hand side-- see it? Kind of?) It's like when you use your calculator to write 80085 (aka BOOBS), only way more complex.