mortazavi lilian! its leila. text back
from an 804 phone number, Saturday, August 2, 5:16 PM

I don't get it. If I received this text, that means it was sent TO a Leila, not FROM a Leila. Maybe this was one Leila texting another? But that seems unlikely. Leila is an uncommon name. Personally I have never texted someone else named Leila. Maybe 804 was playing "it's opposite day"?

-- If u open this u will have the most amazing relationship by the middle of August if u don't forward this to ten ppl u loose that special someone
from a 509 phone number, Thursday, July 31, 3:22 PM

FW: FW: Msg: Fwd:Fwd: If yu open diz yu will have da most amazin relationship by da middle of Aug. if u dont fwd diz 2 10 peeps u will lose the one u <3
from a 719 phone number, Friday, August 1, 10:04 PM

Sorry, I don't buy it. Mostly because of this text about having an amazing relationship by mid-July, which turned out to be false. If it was wrong the first time, it will be wrong again. Boy who cried wolf, text who cried relationship, etc.

how does spamalot sound? it's monty python and it's a musical
from a 407 phone number, Thursday, July 31, 12:57 AM

That sounds awesome to me, thanks. But I do wonder who your Leila is that you have to explain Spamalot to her. If you were proposing The Music Man to her, or the Lion King, would you have to explain those, too? "It's a musical, and there is a lion..."

funny: my sis got drunk last night. Not funny: she puked and peed in our bed this morning.
from a 518 phone number, Wednesday, July 30, 2:28 PM

When I read this text aloud, here was Leslie's response: "Ewwww puking and peeing in your bed."
Here was my response: "Ewwww having to share a bed with your sister."

hey u up? call me if so. if not - when is marty coming up again?
from a 619 phone number, Wednesday, July 30, 11:05 AM

I don't think so, 619. If Leila's not awake yet, not only can she not call you, but also she cannot text you to tell you when Marty is coming up again. She can't even read your text message! That is the definition of being asleep.

Everybody wants to be a cat. Because the cat's the only cat who knows where its at! LoL
from an 815 phone number, Tuesday, July 29, 5:31 PM

The logic here seems slightly flawed. I do sometimes want to be a cat, but not for the reasons 815 specifies... more because cats get to sleep a lot and seem unlikely to grapple with existential woes. But I guess "knowing where it's at" might be a good reason, too.

Cool sounds good call me about plans
from a 562 phone number, Monday, July 28, 9:27 PM

hi
from a 407 phone number, Tuesday, July 29, 10:36 AM

Goddammit, now National Boring Text Weekend has impeded upon my work week, too? I won't have it.

oh my gosh did you see what was going on outside yesterday
from a 661 phone number, Sunday, July 27, 9:18 PM

A text like this heralds the official end to National Boring Text Weekend.

So, what was going on outside on Saturday? My curiosity has been piqued. All I saw was some kids playing basketball, but that may or may not be what 661 was referring to.

hi leila
from a 786 phone number, Friday, July 25, 7:58 PM

Whats up?
from a 904 phone number, Saturday, July 26, 7:23 PM

This was like National Boring Text Weekend.

so i just got here oh thank you travis is so nice
from a 303 phone number, Thursday, July 24, 9:45 PM

Do you think she means "Travis" as in "'Flowers in the Window,' sounds kind of like Coldplay" Travis? Or do you think she means the skater pothead from Clueless?

hi mom what r u doing
from a 303 phone number, Thursday, July 24, 9:28 PM

Updating my blog. Oh wait, sorry, I'm not your mom.

Here's a question for you all: Do you have your mom listed in your phone's address book under her first name (as 303 apparently does) or under "M" for "Mom"? Mine is under "M": frankly, I assumed everyone's was.

comin out?
from a 301 phone number, Thursday, July 24, 8:18 PM

I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear.

Waaa! i just saw the midnight showing of the dark knight on imax. fucking amazing
from a 650 phone number, Thursday, July 24, 5:57 AM

I don't even need to look up this area code to know that 650 does not live (as I do) on the East Coast. That is, unless the Dark Night movie is nearly six hours long. Which I really, really hope it is not.

FWD: FWD: FWD: A 6yr old girl needs a heart transplant the phone companies have agreed 2donate 5cnts every time this msg is fwd.
from a 610 phone number, Wednesday, July 23, 6:53 PM

I was with my friend Kath when I received this text message. "Oh my God," Kath said when she read it, sounding severely concerned about the health of this 6yr old girl. "Are you going to forward that??"

I was like, "Kathryn. NO. Be less gullible, will you, please."

hi do not loock
from a 407 phone number, Wednesday, July 23, 4:46 PM

Is that "do not look"-- in which case, do not look at what? Hopefully not this text, because, sorry, it's too late for that.
Or is it "do not lock"-- in which case, do not lock what? The door, probably. But which door?

Walk buddy b4 bed plz
from a 404 phone number, Wednesday, July 23, 9:07 PM

Have u Walked buddy b4 bed?
from a 404 phone number, Wednesday, July 23, 10:29 PM

W? R u?
from a 404 phone number, Wednesday, July 23, 10:33 PM

W? Is debit card?
from a 404 phone number, Thursday, July 24, 11:41 AM

That second text-- "Have u Walked buddy"-- is enormously clarifying. I understand now that when she said "Walk buddy", 404 didn't mean that she wanted Leila to accompany her on a walk-- she meant that she wanted Leila to walk a dog named Buddy. I feel much better having puzzled this out.

Unfortunately, we now have a new quandary; namely, what are these W's with question marks after them? I know sometimes people will text "Leila W." and then "W" will end up in the text body (instead of in the "address to" line)-- but "Leila W?" That is not an initial.

hey grl miss you
end to kno when
you return
from a 404 phone number, Tuesday, July 22, 9:38 PM

hi i have had a medium good day. best part was i got a haircut yea
from a 404 phone number, Thursday, July 24, 6:26 PM

Actually a different 404 number from this 404. But don't worry, there will be updates about that other 404 in just a moment.

I wonder if these two 404s are trying to reach the same Leila?

Le, Humphrey got sick again. what's the vet's number?
from a 703 phone number, Tuesday, July 22, 5:22 PM

Okay, that lends some clarity to this text. Apparently Humphrey is not a character from Gossip Girl but, rather, a dog. At least, I assume he's a dog. He could just be a dude who gets sick and needs to go to the veterinarian.

Can you please tell Tamara to mail the pdfs to my home account? Palmer will be pissed if we screw this up.
from a 408 phone number, Tuesday, July 22, 3:20 PM

I called this guy back because this sounded important and I didn't want Palmer to get pissed. When I explained to him, over the phone, about how his text message came to me and how he couldn't type in "L-E-I-L-A," he sounded pretty bewildered when he replied, "Sorry, I thought that was how it worked."

I don't know if dude has never texted before, or if he has but usually that name-spelling thing works for him, or if none of his texts have ever reached the intended recipients and he just never knew it before now, or what. As usual, I wanted to ask, but, as usual, he was so flustered/confused that our conversation ended before I was able to ask, "Wait--Sir!--Why did you think it worked that way?"

redhassan bigred

u uknow whats funny? u always say "bye" twice.
from a 775 phone number, Tuesday, July 22, 2:26 PM

You mean like "bye-bye"? Because that is actually an expression that people use sometimes.