Awake are you?
from an 828 phone number, Friday, December 19, 10:33 AM

Maintaining this blog requires a great deal of research:

me: who
s that dude in star wars
who phrases things backward
like, "jedi, are you?"
instead of, "are you a jedi?"
siffert: i'm not gonna lie, i have no idea what you meant by that
siffert: i could've laughed politely... but i'm pretty curious

you may wanna go to the door in 5 or so mins so people know im commin...
from an 804 phone number, Friday, December 19, 8:50 AM

But why spoil the surprise? I'm hoping that when 804 shows up, at 9 AM, it'll be like a big Christmas homecoming and everyone will be stunned and thrilled to see him there. Ideally he will be just returning from a stint in the army.

HE FONED OUT
from a 626 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 10:01 PM

Whatcha doing?You're the best!
from a 626 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 11:51 PM

WHAT DID HE FONE OUT? You're leaving out all the best parts of this story.

FWD: - Place of Ima is beautifully decorated. hm bound now. love you. tang
from a 949 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 9:09 PM

Intriguing use of the phrase "homebound" (or "hm bound," as it were). That's not something you hear often, but I like it. Also, do we think "Ima" here is being used as the Hebrew for mother? (See I know languages after all.)

Hi Leila , can you give me phone number the bartender with ponitail from yesterday? Thanks.
from a 718 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 6:13 PM

718, I admire your "go get 'em" attitude, but aren't you concerned that if the bartender with the ponitail didn't ask you for your number, it may be because he doesn't really want it?

Dear Santa, I don't want much this year but, I do want the person reading this text to be in my life forever
from a 951 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 12:15 AM

This reminds me of the Christmas wish-list hanging on the refrigerator of the child I was babysitting for earlier this week, which included a cat, a remote control car, a water pistol (which he promised not to shoot during the winter), a smaller wallet, the love of his family, and Pokemon.

Santa has a busy week ahead of him.

Did you still want your tamale and smoke i can sneak over 4 a min
from a 949 phone number, Tuesday, December 16, 5:59 PM

I think it's weird when people use "smoke" as a noun. As in, "Want to go grab a smoke?" Also, do we think tamales and cigarettes have complementary flavors? I don't smoke cigarettes, and I don't honestly know if I've ever eaten a tamale.

Mission accomplished, the text went well, I'm in!
from a 202 phone number, Tuesday, December 16, 10:48 AM

I'm hoping that 202 has a crush on some guy so for her first "move" she sent him a text message, and it "went well"-- maybe he responded to her in some encouraging way?-- so when she says "I'm in!" she means that she and her crush are going to go out on a date.

Currently accepting alternate explanations, if you've got any.

MORE PIX PLZ.
from a 626 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 12L49 PM

Yeah. You're hot. Send more hot pix.

now did u get it
from a 646 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 12:21 PM

If your question is if Leila received your text message now that you have sent it a second time, the answer is still "no."

hi im busy
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Saturday, December 13 8:54 PM

hi
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 2:41 AM

Aaaaaaand it's NOT the last we heard from Oz3baA sh3rIFf, after all! Time to cry tears of relief/annoyance! Jesus, Oz3baA sh3rIFf, can't you take a hint? I might as well just change the name of this blog to The Oz3baA sh3rIF Texts and get it over with.

Do u need a ride?
Thursday, December 11, 6:44 PM

Yes! As always, I would love a ride anywhere if that means I don't need to take public transit. These texts from suburbia make me nostalgic for my car.

I am going to addisons til 530
from a 646 phone number, Thursday, December 11, 3:02 PM

Could be a friend's name. Could be a restaurant. Could be a store. Could be anywhere, really. "Addison's."

How d> friend party on friday in noho r u dwn. elsie's friends b day.booze ,dj, and moo....starts @10.
from an 818 number, Wednesday, December 10, 6:00 PM

I am always down for a party, friend, especially one involving booze and DJs. Not quite sure about moo. I looked it up on Urban Dictionary, but I can't imagine that 818 is asking Leila to come to Elsie's friend's party because there will be female breeders there.

How s exam
from an 857 phone number, Tuesday, December 9, 2:20 PM

How are exams, ever? They suck.

hi i just set up voice chat on my cpu
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Monday, December 8, 9:21 PM

hihihi
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Tuesday, December 9, 9:48 PM

After more than two weeks of these frequent, thoughtful texts from Oz3baA sh3rIFf, I am finally cutting her free. I just texted her the news that her texts are not reaching Leila and that she will need to re-send them by pulling Leila's name out of her contacts list and etc. etc. I know, I know, we were all loving the Oz3baA sh3rIFf run so much, we all felt like we were really getting somewhere, really beginning to reach an understanding of her relationship with Leila... But, I'm sorry, dear readers, we must move on. That is the way of the Leila Texts.

Of course, Oz3baA sh3rIFf could turn out to be one of those obstinate idiots who keeps texting me even after I've texted her back to tell her not to. This may yet not be the last we hear of Oz3baA sh3rIFf. STAY TUNED.

Good morning! BONITA
from a 602 phone number, Monday, December 8, 12:55 PM

You @ lunch
from a 602 phone number, Tuesday, December 9, 3:25 PM

I can't tell if BONITA is 602 telling Leila that she's pretty (which would be sweet), or if it's 602's sig line (which would be self-aggrandizing).

I miss you! There is a hawaiian family singing on the unit. It;s beautiful and reminded me of you. :-)
from a 510 phone number, Sunday, December 7, 9:09 PM

I need a new pic of maya!
from a 510 phone number, Sunday, December 7, 9:12 PM

"The unit"? Is that like old-person slang for "the TV" or "the radio"?

Fwd:FWD: Fwd:Put it n ur mouth. Suck the hell out of it. Get the nut & spit it out. Gotta love sunflower seed
from a 419 phone number, Saturday, December 6, 9:12 PM

This is like the way dumber, way trashier, modern-day equivalent of "Just put your lips together and... blow." Remember the days when euphemisms had class?

me & fran r running late
from a 609 phone number, Saturday, December 6, 12:42 PM

If I had a dime every time for every time I've sent a text message saying that I'm "running late"... I'd be a very rich woman. But still a late one.