grr i am alissa and i think ur an aweful person comparable to sarah palin =)
from a 310 phone number, Friday, January 30, 9:42 PM

Sarah Palin references are already a little past their prime. With any luck, kids a mere ten years from today will have no idea what this means.

hello
ChEeKy MoNkEy!
from a 909 phone number, Friday, January 30, 7:37 PM

As a general rule, your sig line should not be longer than your actual message.

I am so glad you floated with me? Float on!
from a 914 phone number, Friday, January 30, 6:46 PM

And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on all right
Already we'll all float on
Now don't you worry
We'll all float on all right
Already we'll all float on

(No, but seriously, what is this text about? Is this about drugs? I usually assume things that I don't understand are about drugs.)

are you going skating tonight mariah let me know I am at the dance right now
from a 609 phone number, Friday, January 30, 5:20 PM

I wonder what sort of dance starts before 5:20 PM. I feel like even middle school dances don't start until at least 7. What, are you just supposed to leave school at 3:30 and immediately head to the dance? Don't you need time to paint your nails or something?

Hi layla! I am in calif nd mosh has party @ shlomos. So sorry.. I am cured. Your soup did wonders!
from a 970 phone number, Friday. January 30, 10:21 AM

Come on, 970, you must know it's spelled L-E-I-L-A, not L-A-Y-L-A, since you just had to type it in order to send it to me in the first place. Also, a group of friends names Leila, Mosh (short, perhaps, for Moishe?), and Shlomo is really remarkably Jewish, even by my standards.

hey..sorry that i didnt text you back last night me and matt got in a huge fight..looks like he wont be gettin any anytime soon
from a 828 phone number, Wednesday, January 28, 4:38 PM

I guess the take-home lesson here is, Men, if you want to get laid, don't get into fights with your girlfriends. It's very Lysistratan, isn't it?

FWD: It. So bring your dad or uncle dont send a punk that i took care of years ago. So go get a life and get some respect. Shaheed ya mehdi!
from a 313 phone number, Wednesday, January 28, 1:50 PM

These really sound like song lyrics to me, but google turns up nothing. Wouldn't this make a great rap song, though? Any composers out there, you're welcome to use this. I don't need any credit.

I totally forgot to tell you but there is definitely a dart in the breeze for the hangover cure article for not having legal drinkers. ha weird
from an 804 phone number, Monday, January 26, 5:16 PM

God, I am so glad I'm not on the staff of a college newspaper anymore. Seriously, the bullshit 'issues' that come up are just ridiculous.

P.S. This offense was aimed at oversensitive college administrators and easily offended student organizations, not at college newspapers themselves, which are, as a general rule, lovely.

Waiting at the office 4 u and ur call. Let us finish our project and paperworks.
from a 951 phone number, Sunday, January 25, 9:17 PM

I texted back 951 to say, essentially, "If you're waiting for Leila's call, you'll be waiting a mighty long time, bucko. Text her again by pulling her name out of your contacts list. Don't spell it out." Ten minutes later, I received a re-sent version of the same text.

Good job, 951. You're really learning.

Oh, who am I kidding? You're going to be sleeping at the office all night.

FWD: FWD: Fwd: Love is crazy. This is so freaky! Send this to 10 people then exit and hold down # for ten seconds and see whose name pops :-
from a 540 phone number, Sunday, January 25, 8:27 PM

Love is indeed crazy, and this may or may not be so freaky, but I fail to see what those two statements have to do with each other. I also don't like that, next to the word "pops," there is a sideways emoticon of a penis.

i love you so much
:)idk.kkrazy:)
from a 770 phone number, Saturday, January 24, 10:49 AM

Awww. That's sweet. Not sure why the phrase "idk" is in there, though. What don't you know, 770? How much you love Leila?

hi its mariah just making sure this is the right number kkkkkkkk
from a 609 phone number, Friday, January 23, 3:22 PM

hey are you going skating tonight text me back
from a 609 phone number, Friday, January 23, 7:01 PM

No this is not the right number. No I am not going skating tonight. Striking out on all counts, Mariah.

FWD: She sleepn.il b home at 1030
from a 313 phone number, Wednesday, January 21, 10:22 PM

313 must be pretty close by, if she thinks she'll be home within the next eight minutes. Unless she's in a different time zone. Always a possibility.

Im gonna wear my black shirt tommorow wit m dolce and gabbana belt wit my black high tops converse jus so u kno wat r u wearin CHILLAX....ITS AJ
from a 281 phone number, Tuesday, January 20, 10:39 PM

Probably, like... jeans. I feel underdressed.

We r at the town well b bck
from a 774 phone number, Tuesday, January 20, 3:12 PM

hi mom has bought two ice creams for you and your friends. don't forget to call cathy no need to pickyou
from a 909 phone number, Tuesday, January 20, 4:53 PM

The Inauguration was so major, so absolutely inescapable on Tuesday, that it boggles my mind that there were people in this country just calmly living their lives, being at the town, being back again, buying ice creams... It feels so disjointed to me, like these Leilas live in a different America than I do.

Happy Birthday baby! I hope you have a great day. I love you so much. Daddy
from an 865 phone number, Tuesday, January 20, 9:21 AM

I would have called Leila's dad back if it hadn't been ELECTION DAY and if I hadn't been standing outside in THE BITTER COLD for hours on end. Leila's birthday was just not top of my priority list on Tuesday. This text is still sweet, though.

Stop complainin you woowoo!
P.S. Your a woowoo
from a 218 phone number, Monday, January 19, 8:22 PM

Could mean any number of things. Don't thank me, thank Urban Dictionary.

Im so excited for obama.
from a 703 phone number, Monday, January 19, 11:41 AM

You should have been with me in DC earlier this week, 703! Oh, wait-- 703 is Northern VA. So I guess you were with me in DC earlier this week. With me and three million other people. I wonder if we ran into each other...

Hey watcha doing
Keepn' It Sexy!
from an 831 phone number, Sunday, January 18, 8:32 PM

Yes. That is exactly what I am going. I am Keepn' It Sexy. Actually, I'm mostly spewing snot all over everything, since I have a cold. But I assume that is Sexy.

Sorry it's been so long since last I updated this blog. I have been in DC for the Presidential Inauguration! I was staying with my lovely and generous friend Emily, who has many things, including loveliness and generosity, but not including "the Internet." Thus the lack of blog posts. Let's now get caught up, shall we?

why were u not talking 2 me
-Twilight Fan
from a 408 phone number, Saturday, January 17, 11:25 AM

Uh, maybe because your primary defining feature is that you're a fan of Twilight, which is a fine book, but, really, I've read better.