Sooo...omg is tanner in juvy?
from a 719 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 10:59 PM

FWD::Fuzzy wuzzy waz a bear fuzzy wuzzy had no hiar fuzzy wuzzy waznt fuzzy wazzy?? SEND TO ALL OR F
from a 719 phone number, Monday, February 16, 2:13 PM

D.J. Tanner??? omg.

Also, this "fuzzy wuzzy" forward? Is dumb.

hey i got my phone back and i can go skating again by the way are you going skating tomorrow mariah
from a 609 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 8:09 PM

hey listen are u going skating today please text back asap as soon as possible kkkkk
from a 609 phone number, Monday, February 16, 10:20 AM

Actually, I did go skating today. It was great, even though my ankles now ache because I am out of shape. Are you glad to know that, 609 girl?

wat did i do then
i<3*chann*4ever
from an 812 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 11:55 AM

wat do u think i did if i wasnt watchin a movie
<3*chann*4ever
from an 812 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 12:04 PM

hi r u there
i<3*chann*4ever
from an 812 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 12:19 PM

Yeah, Leila, what DO you think 812 did if she wasn't watching a movie? Do you think she is covering up for MAKING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND? For GOING TO A PARTY YOU WEREN'T INVITED TO? For DOING HOMEWORK ON A SATURDAY NIGHT? I mean, dude, if she says she was watching a movie, just TRUST her, right?

This my new cp no. 415 xxx xxxx MUSTA NA DYAN DADI.
from a 415 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 10:07 PM

Can someone translate this for me, please? And is it dumb of me to think that "DADI" might translate to "daddy" without even knowing what language this is?

Also, I've never seen "cp" used as an abbreviation for "cell phone." I like it, though. Only two characters. Very parsimonious.

Hey wats up im not sharhondas friend anymore cause of wat she did at lunch on friday BABYYY
AJ........$?!%?=*~
from a 281 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 5:29 PM

Please note:

1. the vague pretense at interest in Leila's life ("Hey wats up") before launching directly into the real purpose of this message
2. the need to DECLARE that Sharhonda and AJ are no longer friends
3. the name "Sharhonda"
4. "BABYY"?
5. the contrast between the lack of punctuation throughout the message, followed by an ineffectual string of punctuation at the end

This test wins.

I sent an angel to watch over you last night. He came bak and said he doesn't watch porn. Thanks for traumatizing my fucking angel, u freak!
from a 201 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 4:15 PM

This is fairly original, as text forwards go, so props for that. However, it's a little weird that it doesn't have the word "FWD:" at the beginning. I can't imagine 201 just CAME UP with this and then texted it to Leila... but, I don't know, I guess all forwards have to start somewhere.

sorry bout that. you can send him home if u need to.M
from a 646 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 2:59 PM

hi. what's going on? did u eat? call me. :)
from a 646 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 6:16 PM

I don't think this will come through via blogger, but 646 actually puts two spaces between sentences. That's pretty weird. First of all, nobody uses two spaces any more when typing (except for old people who didn't hear that the industry standard has changed and then when I enter in copyediting changes I have to fix all their spacing and it's all this extra work for me). And even if you DID still hit the space bar twice between sentences when typing, why would you do that in text? Remember, you start with only 160 CHARACTERS. Don't waste them.

FWD: R u board
from a 440 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 2:16 PM

Ah, do you remember the halcyon days of childhood, when you had the liberty of being "board"? Nowadays, if ever I feel "board," I just go do some laundry or wash dishes or something, and the boardom goes away.

Hi, on my way home from NH should be over by 11:30. Let me know if you need anything
from a 617 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 10:06 AM

That's one of the great things bout New England: that you can drive from one state to another in less than an hour and half. Just TRY that, Californians!

Happy valentines day everyone! Love yall! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
from a 719 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 1:15 AM

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
from a 281 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 3:05 PM

It's only 3:15 PM, so there will probably be more where these texts come from. But for now, a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to all you Leila Texters out there, too!

hey if u guys want 2, my mom says that u guys could sleepover on saturday and she would pick u guys up on saturday and ur parents could puck u up on sun
from a 323 phone number, Thursday, February 12, 9:16 PM

There must have been a more parsimonious way of getting across this message. Kids these days! You give 'em 160 characters, and they use every goddamn one.

Hey should i still go tomorrow?
from a 774 phone number, Thursday, February 12, 4:37 PM

Go where? I mean, yeah, you probably should still go, since you were supposed to go in the first place. I don't know. Why isn't this a Valentine's Day text? Valentine's Day is in like 30 hours; shouldn't I really be getting more texts asking various Leilas out on dates?

Done
from a 516 phone number, Wednesday, February 11, 5:08 PM

This was my first word, when I was learning how to speak. As you can tell, it's a very useful one.

Happy birthday to leila
from a 703 phone number, Tuesday, February 10, 1:16 AM

Have you ever found that it's so difficult to send a unique "happy birthday" text or write a unique "happy birthday" note on someone's facebook wall? Writing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" in all caps doesn't help (everyone does that). Adding on a bunch of exclamation points, like, "happy birthday!!!!!!" also doesn't help (everyone does that, too). Writing "happy birthday to leila" is a little more unique than simply "happy birthday, leila," but not by much.

This is one of those problems of modernity that I struggle with constantly.

FWD: Hey send me those videos :)
from a 774 phone number, Wednesday, February 11, 3:34 PM

This seems like a very normal text message to send. Unless "those videos" are snuff films. In which case this would not be a very normal text message.

are you up? im in the ER. LRQ pain. it hurts bad. thinking abt taking pain meds want to let someone know. please call me
from a 510 phone number, Monday, February 9, 4:54 AM

Jesus Christ. I can't figure out what LRQ pain is, but it sounds not good. And I think if you've made it as far as the Emergency Room, then it is definitely time for some pain meds.

I texted 510 when I woke up this morning to say that Leila hadn't received his text and that I hoped he was feeling better. I didn't hear back from him, though. I hope that doesn't mean he's in a coma or anything.

hi
:(
from a 703 phone number, Saturday, February 7, 10:35 PM

Why the frowny face? "Hi" seems like a kind of positive message, actually.

Just to let you know that i did not receive a check yet. Didn't want to bother you with a phone call.
from an 832 phone number, Saturday. February 7, 5:20 PM

I texted this person back to say that Leila didn't receive his message. Money is a sensitive matter, and I didn't want 832 believing that Leila is a purposeful deadbeat or something.

hey so how was town center
URTLEZ ROCK=8)
from an 843 phone number, Saturday, February 7, 4:24 PM

This reminds me of that scene in Wet Hot American Summer where they go into town for an hour and wind up in a crack den. I mean, how do you think town center was?

Hey this is leila texting you and ims using carolines phone that is very hard to text with
from a 913 phone number, Saturday, February 7, 11:26 AM

Either Leila is texting herself from Caroline's phone (which would be weird), or this Leila is friends with yet another Leila (which would also be weird). Weird all around.