You left your monkey.
from a 310 phone number, Saturday, October 17, 3:10 PM

I guess 310 really means "money." But I HOPE she means "monkey." I would like to believe that somewhere out there is a Leila with a pet monkey. I take comfort from that.

hey, r u there? hello?! i wanna know wut u know! lol...
from a 781 phone number, Saturday, October 17, 2:26 PM

I want to know wut Leila knows, too! 'Fess up, Leila.

We are blessed!!!
from an 813 phone number, Friday, October 16, 9:44 PM

Did something in particular happen to make you feel this way, 813, or is this just your standard way of being?

This is Leila's favrit project! She and Sarah r workin sooo hard! Get some more poke players! luv u!
from a 916 phone number, Friday, October 16, 7:21 PM

I wonder if Sarah sent this? To herself and to Leila? Maybe they just really like talking about themselves in the third person?

gdw wat tp
Sarahs bank
from an 843 phone number, Friday, October 16, 4:14 PM

Hi sup
***Redneck***
from an 843 phone number, Tuesday, October 20, 7:47 PM

No idea.

Leilatedioelmandadolapaty?contamesi?
from a 310 phone number, Friday, October 16, 3:50 PM

As previously mentioned in this blog, I am not exactly the world's foremost expert in languages. And this is even harder when Leila Texters don't include spaces between their words. Here's what I think this one is:

"Leila te dio el mandado la paty? contame si?"

Which would, to translate further, probably be:

"Leila, I gave you the something the something? Something me, yes?"

Oh, screw it.

I tried but I couldn't get you anything sorry. I have beer you can drink though.
from a 334 phone number, Thursday, October 15, 8:31 PM

Beer?! I don't want beer, bitch. I told you Malibu!

im in my friends car
from a 562 phone number, Thursday, October 15, 6:07 PM

mom when u get to the gym come in i have a suprize
from a 562 phone number, Thursday, October 5, 11:56 PM

562 is California, so, even though my phone thinks that this girl was at the gym at midnight, she was actually only there at 9pm. Which is a totally reasonable time for your mom to pick up up.

hiii ok so i think my phone charger haha of course
from a 206 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 8:45 PM

You think your phone charger... what? You seem amused by it, whatever you mean.

Hey baby hope your having a good time cant wait for the game tonight go gators
from a 904 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 2:32 PM

There are a number of reasons why I am not the right Leila for this guy and why he is not the right boyfriend for me, starting with the use of the word "your" and going through to the "go gators" and with the fact that he can't text message thrown in for good measure.

Stop texsing dad
from a 951 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 1:08 AM

Yeah, stop texting Dad. He is old and is very bad at this new-fangled communication device.

I cannot believe that Chloe wrote that about me. Am I lucky or what?
from a 562 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 12:09 AM

What? WHAT DID CHLOE WRITE ABOUT YOU??? Don't just leave us HANGING, 562!

are you cold yes or no
from a 423 phone number, Friday, October 9, 9:50 PM

i yope i can see u tumaro i miss u very much i wish u could of spint the night with me or rode with us i love u with all my
from a 423 phone number, Sunday, October 11, 11:34 PM

hert
from a 423 phone number, Sunday, October 11, 11:38 PM

Sexy Leila Texts!

Heyn can u make sure the door is unlocked. Im comming home tonight
from a 240 phone number, Thursday, October 8, 10:39 PM

This text reads as though it's being slurred by some wasted guy who, at 10:39 at night, is like, "Bleeekdhfbvh I'm gonna go to Leila'ssss." Leila: make sure the door is locked.

Just sitting here. I feel like the girl in the movie lake house.
from an 801 phone number, Thursday, October 8, 10:04 PM

I have never seen the movie Lake House, but I already feel like this text is hilarious.

watch the 5 pm news and u might see someone you recognize on king 5
from a 425 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 7:6 PM

Oh my God, did I receive this text from a FAMOUS TELEVISION PERSONALITY?

R U at the dr. How are u feeling? L. A.
from a 478 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 11:40 AM

I think 478 is still pretty new at the whole texting abbrevs thing, which is why she bothered to capitalize "R" and "U" and why she forgot to abbrev her second "are" entirely.

Heyy. Did you ask?
from a 508 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 7:04 AM

So what are you doing this weekend?
from a 508 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 4:58 PM

Heyy did you ask your mom about saturday?
from a 508 phone number, Thursday, October 8, 7:38 AM

Heyy! would you want to get ready at My house tomorrow?
from a 508 phone number, Friday, October 9, 3:27 PM

Leila! Can jess bring me home after the dance?
from a 508 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 2:53 PM

I'm relieved to see that Leila did, ultimately, ask her mother if she could go to the dance on Saturday, and that her mother did, ultimately, say yes.

Also, this is one of the most coherent series of texts I've ever received. It tells a story. When this sort of thing happens, is that best part about my job. (And by "job," I mean, "receiving text messages," which is actually not my job.)

what r u doing
from a 423 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 2:46 PM

i love
from a 423 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 2:51 PM

u
rom a 423 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 2:52 PM

That really diminishes the power of a love-text, when it gets sent one word too early. Awk.

i love you Leila!..we found her!..im sorry..i didnt mean to yell..@u...
Chelsie
from a 618 phone number, Monday, October 5, 9:05 AM

i love you....im sooo sorryy...i was just really tired...i wasnt upset with you...
:0
Chelsie
from a 618 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 8:34 AM

I texted Chelsie back because I was concerned that she wouldn't hear back from Leila and would believe that Leila was refusing to forgive her. That could be a relationship-destroying move on my part, and I try, when possible, not to destroy relationships. Meanwhile, whenever Heddle reads this blog post, she will be concerned about the excess of ellipses. She really hates excess ellipses.