Inimail nan tay papers ni charmain?
from a 415 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 7:29 PM EST

Is this also Taglog? 415 wants Leila to do something involving Charmain toilet paper. (Charmain is the same in all languages.)

Hey want 2 do hw together
from a 917 phone number, Tuesday, September 7, 12:26 PM EST

Hey the math due tomorrow is that algebra review and to take notes right?
from an 860 phone number, Monday, September 13, 5:41 PM EST

quick ? on 2.19c for the hmwk?
from a 402 phone number, Monday, September 20, 10:39 PM EST

There was a time when I didn't receive texts like these. That time was August. Summer's over, kids, and there's no clearer sign than the sudden proliferation of homework-themed text messages.

Stacey aint going now and joni is.... Crazy shit going on this week!
from a 706 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 11:54 AM EST

CRAZY SHIT. Stacey aint going. Joni is going. It's nearly impossible to wrap your mind around.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY
from a 214 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 1:07 AM EST

Leila spent most of the day smoking cigarettes and running from strip club to strip club. As birthdays go, she'd had worse.

Just arrived in Boston catch up with u later so far great trip
from a 714 phone number, Monday, September 27, 9:45 AM EST

Massive coincidence: I am also going to Boston! I'm doing a book reading and signing at the Burlington Barnes & Noble on Saturday. Details here, if you want to come: http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/event/68564.

Hey leila u rock
from a 949 phone number, Saturday, September 25, 10:52 PM EST

Yeah! Take that, texter who hates Leila!

Should i order a sandwich for you and Chelsea?
from a 248 phone number, Saturday, September 25, 5:41 PM EST

This text message confused me a great deal because the protagonist in the book that I'm writing is also named Chelsea. So when I got this text, I was like, "No, Chelsea doesn't need a sandwich because she just ate dinner.... I mean, Chelsea doesn't need a sandwich because she is a figment of my imagination."

hey leila i put UN down on my resume with your number and said i had been working for a little over a year doing staging and art direction
from a 619 phone number, Friday, September 24, 11:15 AM EST

So let me see if I've got this straight: If Leila's potential future employer calls me to check out her references, I am supposed to tell him that I am a supervisor at the United Nations, for which Leila had been doing staging and art direction for a little over a year?

Okay. I can do it. I'm not sure it will "sound believable," but I'll do it.

did i sound like a knucklehead? antibiotics, nyquil, perkadin (for my knee?)
from a 248 phone number, Tuesday, September 21, 10:17 PM EST

Yeah, bro, you sounded high our of your mind. We videotaped you talking and put it up on YouTube. It's gonna be the "David After Dentist" of 2010.

Fwd:Fwd:FWD: FWD: - Fwd: - Fwd: 2mrrow someone will say"WANNA GO OUT?" or "I LOVE YOU!" or "IM SORRY BABE. SEND TO 10 PEOPLE OR BAD LUCK
~RaWr~
from an 812 phone number, Wednesday, September 15, 9:36 PM EST

2mrrow someone will also say "Do you need a bag for that?" or "What time is it?" or "Excuse me."

Just to cover all our bases here.

This is jillene if u off today cum get kinky*TRADING PLACES
from a 334 phone number, Wednesday, September 15, 2:55 PM EST

I looked up "trading places" on urbandictionary to see if it referred to some kinky sex act. In case you were wondering: It doesn't.

Hey its jake dont scream this aloud do u know who i like
?HOLA!
from a 937 phone number, Monday, September 13, 3:45 PM EST

Hey do u know who i like
?HOLA!
from a 937 phone number, Monday, September 13, 3:50 PM EST

Jake, you may find this hard to believe, but the reason why I'm not texting you back is because I don't CARE who you like. Honestly. I don't.

MAGKANO PALIT DOL?
from a 415 phone number, Sunday, September 12, 9:56 PM EST

WHAT?

Hey girl if youre still interested in rugby practice is this thursday 7-9
from a 321 phone number, Wednesday, September 8, 3:26 PM EST

It heartens me to know that some Leilas out there have athletic abilities. Not me. But some of them.

Im at cold stone
from a 775 phone number, Sunday, September 26, 7:28 PM EST

And I am so jealous!

Who put the dogs on ur prch
from a 270 phone number, Friday, September 24, 9:55 PM EST

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8

did u have a good day?
from a 425 phone number, Thursday, September 23, 10:08 PM EST

r u alive. u never ans my text last evening?
from a 425 phone number, Friday, September 24, 12:44 PM EST

If my friends concluded that I was dead every time I didn't answer one of their texts, then they would assume I was dead on most days. Maybe Leila was just busy, okay, 425?!? Or maybe she just didn't get your text at all. Stop being so overprotective, jeez.

Leila, in your professional opinion, hlow long do drugs like marijuana and lsd take to clear the system for a urine test? Do diet and exercise help?
from a 218 phone number, Thursday, September 23, 10:59 PM EST

Sometimes the Leila Texts require that I provide information that, unfortunately, I just don't have at my fingertips. My guess here would be that marijuana and LSD clear the system at different rates, and that both take a few weeks to make you clean for a urine test, and that diet and exercise may help, but not significantly. In short, I would guess that 218 is screwed for whatever drug screening she has to take.

But I open this up to you, dear readers. In your professional opinion, how long would this take?

Hypothetically, of course.

Olivia
Oliviaim goin early to sign up for drama with lauren
Olivia
from an 813 phone number, Tuesday, September 21, 6:23 PM EST

bring 15 $ do drama with me we can sign up in the morning with lauren lange
Olivia
from an 813 phone number, Wednesday, September 22, 6:12 AM EST

or do debate
Olivia
from an 813 phone number, Wednesday, September 22, 6:37 AM EST

Olivia reminds me of myself in high school. I loved to join clubs. Including drama AND debate. Olivia, if your intended Leila idn't interested, I'll bring $15 and go with you!

Cuz of mah mom
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Monday, September 6, 3:15 PM EST

Uuuuuugh my mom said we cant go!
from a 408 phone number, Monday, September 6, 4:44 PM EST

Hi do u no sanjs phone number
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Tuesday, September 7, 10:19 PM EST

Ery do u hav a tank top i can use im sooo sry
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Wednesday, September 8, 10:40 AM EST

Wanna go to sb tomoro
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Wednesday, September 15, 1:12 AM EST

Hi leila its nicky
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Thursday, September 16, 11:10 AM EST

Do u wanna do sumthin tomoro afta skoo wit me n katie
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Thursday, September 16, 10:39 PM EST

So Nicky and I have been one-sided penpals for weeks now, yet I still have absolutely no idea what she's talking about, or, more importantly, what her sig line means.