R u doing holiday camp at chagrin?
from a 330 phone number, Tuesday, November 8, 4:36 PM EST

I assume "holiday camp" is camp that lasts the week between Christmas and New Years, or over Thanksgiving break, or something. Still unclear on where Chagrin is, though my knee-jerk response is that it doesn't sound like that fun of a place.

heyy i get 2 ride at my neighborsz tday:)
from a 330 phone number, Monday, November 7, 12:47 PM EST

We should all be so lucky as to have neighbors who own ponies. Or motocross bikes.

Y is logan grounded,wat did he do?
from a 704 phone number, Friday, November 4, 4:09 PM ESTM

Perjury.

Is ur power out
<333333
from an 845 phone number, Friday, November 4, 7:52 PM EST

No! Was yours? I know a lot of power went out last weekend on the east coast, because of the Halloweekend snowstorm (see this text message, for example). But why would your power go out this weekend, too?

Shut the tv. Idont want my electric to go up. Mom
from a 505 phone number, Saturday, November 5, 12:57 AM EST

I hate to tell you this, mom, but this is usually not a terribly persuasive argument when approaching your five year old. You may want to just tell him to shut off the TV because it will rot his mind or because he's grounded or something.

YES
from a 951 phone number, Sunday, November 6, 1:04 AM EST

YES = one of my favorite songs of all time. Thank you for texting me about it, 951.

Hi Robin and Marcy are coming over to take Andrew and staying for lunch. IF YOU WANT COME OVER AND HAVE LUNCH. I understand if you cannot. Love u mum
from a 770 phone number, Sunday, November 6, 8:26 AM EST

Possibly the most forceful lunch invitation I have received this month.

Good nite MWSW!
See you tomorrow.
Nugs, Mom
from an 810 phone number, Sunday, November 6, 9:24 PM EST

"MWSW" stands for Ministry of Women and Social Welfare. In Nepal. Thank you, Acronym Finder, and thank you, Leila's mom.

Lady this my work cell.bring car charger 4 phone.txt me ur arrival time
from an 808 phone number, Friday, November 4, 3:48 PM EST

We shud go concert 2moro!even if i sick lady!war is name of concert?
from an 808 phone number, Friday, November 4, 4:07 PM EST

I feel like if you're that sick, and you don't have know the name of the concert you would be going to see, it might be okay to skip it. I mean, if you were going to see like your favorite band, that would be a different story. In that case I would tell you to just go and bring a barf bag in your purse.

R u going on the prozdor trip?
from a 973 phone number, Friday, November 4, 6:20 AM EST

Prozdor is a Jewish high school outside of Boston. I know this because I grew up outside of Boston, and pretty much everyone I knew went to Prozdor after their bar or bat mitzvahs. I did not, which is why I don't know where Prozdor goes on trips. Maybe an amusement park. Maybe by skipping Prozdor, I actually missed out on years of amusement park trips.

Damn I fell back to sleep now wide awake eating leftovers gross where r u at its a yucky day
from an 859 phone number, Thursday, November 3, 7:47 PM EST

I'm a big believer in naps, so I don't have that much sympathy for 859. Oh, no. You got in some extra sleep so now you're not tired. Damn.

Mitzi said to tell u to enter the contest on fbook, the winner gets a free shirt....its on "say it in stitches"
from a 256 phone number, Thursday, November 3, 7:27 PM EST

Say It in Stitches is "a full service, high-volume contract embroidery company." It's not really clear to me what kind of free shirt the winner might get. Presumably one that is embroidered with some sort of thing.

Who eats the american cheese?
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Tuesday, November 1, 5:32 PM EST

If u guys r gonna watch a movie u need to get it started ~ its almost 930
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Saturday, November 5, 8:24 PM EST

I shall tell you who eats the American cheese: children. And people who have somehow never tasted real cheese. I know it is upsetting, but all we can do is pity them.

Halloween party?
~RonDawg!
from a 605 phone number, Tuesday, November 1, 1:30 AM EST

Of course. Do you even have to ask?

Nevermind... Got one... Myabe... A pillowcase i think
Meep da unicorn
from an 818 phone number, Monday, October 31, 8:52 PM EST

Unicorns! I love those. In fact, my Halloween costume this year was a unicorn. Specifically a Lisa Frank unicorn. I looked like this:

I never got Austin's address....did u get my txt?
from a 928 phone number, Monday, October 31, 7:25 PM EST

Sure, I got your text. I just don't have Austin's address.

Dave said she has to see a physician. Dave cannot write that type of medication.
from a 951 phone number, Monday, October 31, 11:27 AM EST

What the fuck kind of useless dentist is he, then?

Vegetables sauteed for stuffing...check :)
from a 914 phone number, Sunday, October 30, 5:37 PM EST

One time I went to a vegan Thanksgiving party. There was a lot of tofu and a LOT of PBR.

I miss you friend..when are you coming in again...I feel like everything was too much of a whirl before my wedding to hang out
from a 716 phone number, Sunday, October 30, 2:46 PM EST

That is the great irony of weddings. Everyone you care about is there, but you can't hang out with any of them because you are too busy getting married! I have never had a wedding. But I have had a lot of birthday parties, and I find that it's pretty much the same thing.

Hey i got a new phone for getting all a's! :)
from a 234 phone number, Wednesday, November 2, 8:39 PM EST

I miss you and wuv ya!
from a 234 phone number, Wednesday, November 2, 9:08 PM EST

Hey i am up! I am hoping you are having fun on vacation! :)
from a 234 phone number, Thursday, November 3, 6:51 AM EST

I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW YOU MY NEW PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!N I can't wait until u get home either!
from a 234 phone number, Thursday, November 3, 7:40 AM EST

I don't believe in buying kids new phones as rewards for getting straight As. Learning things should be its own reward. When I was in middle school I knew a girl who got $50 for every report-card A. I have no idea what happened to her, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that this didn't make her any happier today than I am. Though I guess she may be richer.