Hey Leila i kno this is really last minute but we r lookin for a sitter from 7-11 tonight. Let me kno if ur free
from a 563 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 5:33 PM EST

That really depends on how cute your children are, and how many flavors of ice cream you keep in your freezer.

have you got your hair done yet?
from a 602 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 5:58 PM EST

Yup. I am ready for my night out on the town.

FWD: IT 2 SOMEBODY ELSE. LOL
from a 615 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:47 PM EST

No. I am not going to forward this to somebody else. One, because it's stupid. Two, because you didn't threaten me with suffering and lovelessness should I fail to forward this one. So I have no incentive here.

Also yesterday i had to take him to srprise caus he left his wallet......what a dork
from a 928 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:51 PM EST

Rick told me to tell you that his screen just froze up. He had been trying to tex you.
from a 928 phone number, Sunday, December 4, 11:56 AM EST

Is Rick the same person who is a 'dork' for leaving his wallet? And now his cell phone is freezing? Bad week for Rick.

Dude why is there a giant birthday card from you on my door... my birthday is in august...
from a 781 phone number, Sunday, December 4, 3:53 AM EST

Oh, shit. I thought it was a giant Christmas card that I taped to your door at 3:53 in the morning, which obviously makes a whole lot more sense. My bad.

I just hit deer fucked front of car up.... Busted light and radiator
? PUNK ?
from an 828 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 11:46 AM EST

But you know what? That is still better than the alternative, where you swerve to hit the deer and run into oncoming traffic. This is a piece of common wisdom for all you drivers out there: Slow down. Take the deer.

P.S. Apparently this does not apply to moose. Moose will do a lot worse than just bust a light and the car radiator. Slow down. Take the deer. But if you see a moose, just swerve and pray.

Your gay
from a 978 phone number, Sunday, December 4, 3:28 PM EST

You know how I know you're gay? 'Cause you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.

U guys should come over
from a 989 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 10:35 AM EST

Do you know where mom and dad are?
from a 989 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 2:15 PM EST

Hey Stevens coming to the Christmas party right
from a 989 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 12:20 PM EST

Because I was thinking Jake and Steven could have each other for secret Santa
from a 989 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 12:21 PM EST

Well, it's not really a "secret" Santa any more, now that the entire Internet knows, is it? So, thanks for that.

When do u want to skate
from a 917 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 7:04 PM EST

I am party rocking :)
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 6:29 PM EST

Waz up
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:12 PM EST

wat music do u like
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:13 PM EST

R u in jersey for the whole week end
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:34 PM EST

Me and anton r going to the karate clinic wat r u doing :)
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 11:51 AM EST

:) :( :[ :] :o funny faces
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 6:17 PM EST

Wat part in breaking dawn r u up to
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 6:43 PM EST

Do u like beiber
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 7:54 PM EST

Do u like mistletow by jb
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 7:58 PM EST

Sry about the BF thing
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 7:58 PM EST

Do u like mistetow by Jb???????
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:05 PM EST

wat r u doing
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:11 PM EST

i like u kind of but please dont kill me
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:13 PM EST

R u still their
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:17 PM EST

Wait but wat bout the first question
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:20 PM EST

Do u like me
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:27 PM EST

Its ok if u say no
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:27 PM EST

Throughout all of the Justin Beiber/Twilight texts, I was assuming that 917 was a straight girl, so it came as quite a surprise when, after many days of texting, she/he suddenly starts hitting on Leila ("i like u kind of but please dont kill me"). How often has this happened to you, ladies: someone's like, "Yeah, I just want to listen to Z100 and paint my nails with you," and you're so sure you have this awesome new friend, when all along THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO GET IN YOUR PANTS.

Also, in case you missed it: "Mistletoe," as sung by Justin Bieber. The youtube video has close to 62 million views. I guess you probably didn't miss it.

Imma be under the mistletoe with you, shawty, with you.

So somehow i convinced jason to spend all day saturday watching the twilight series including breaking dawn. care to covert joey with us?
from a 631 phone number, Wednesday, November 30, 9:27 PM EST

The only way I would agree to attend this would be if we spent the whole day playing Forever Young Adult's Twilight Drinking Game.

haha i no except now i cant breath cause my 160 pound bro sat on me i cant get...i got taped shut
from a 330 phone number, Tuesday, November 29, 6:34 PM EST

Right, that sounds like a healthy sibling relationship. Mostly the bit where he tapes her shut.

FWD: Why grassy assy young neice of mine opps
from a 619 phone number, Tuesday, November 29, 4:02 PM EST

"Grassy assy"? Is that like getting a grass stain on your ass?

sorry i called u during school....i butt dialed u
from a 330 phone number, Tuesday, November 29, 3:37 PM EST

"If you were wondering, I didn't actually want to speak to you."

hey remember you're getting breakfast tomoorow. don't get anitas- mary is the only one who eats oit and shes not getting drunk tonight i don't think.
from 703 phone number, Tuesday, November 29, 3:25 PM EST

hahaha Anita's sounds like a disgusting restaurant, if all it makes is hangover food, and even then hangover food that is acceptable only to one person (Mary).

Come down
from a 347 phone number, Tuesday, November 29, 6:59 AM EST

347 sent this text message four minutes later than last time. Sounds like someone was running late for school.

I put a request off in your box this AM, its for the end of February but i wud like to book airline tickets asap. i know ul get to it as soon as u can
from an 808 phone number, Monday, November 28, 2:07 PM EST

What am I, your secretary? Book your own goddamn plane tickets.

Okay, fine. I guess it's possible that Leila is 808's secretary. But still.

You ok? Dinner tonight?
from a 562 phone number, Monday, November 28, 11:36 AM EST

562 is such a 619 wannabe.

I just got reading glasses
Angel pup
from a 480 phone number, Saturday, November 26, 8:53 PM EST

If u asl they're thick cat eyed
Angel pup
from a 480 phone number, Saturday, November 26, 8:54 PM EST

To quote my favorite, Dorothy Parker: "Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."

We sent $260, mtcn 945 491 xxxx. go right away to see amy, leave some money for ur kids so u can see how amy s doing.
from a 702 phone number, Monday, November 28m 5:57 PM EST

Txt me bck f u get my mssge. Txt samson, u all look 4 a neurologist in batangas &
from a 702 phone number, Monday, November 28, 5:59 PM EST

Batangas is in the Philippines. It seems to me like Amy might live in Batangas and is having some major health crisis that requires a neurologist, and 702 is encouraging Leila to leave her kids behind and head off to Batangas to check on Amy. If that's all true, that does not sound like an ideal state of affairs.

how was dinner? i am just about to leave farhad.s house
from a 619 phone number, Sunday, November 27, 11:30 PM EST

how about nice bean burrito for dinner. what tune you arte coming home?
from a 619 phone number, Monday, November 28, 8:51 PM EST

"Hi, my name is 619, and I exclusively like to text about dinner. That's it. All other topics of texting conversation bore me."