Scooby stole the roasted turkey breast off the counter while I was at a Christmas dinner &he ate the whole thing! Not sick at all.Hope you r out&about.S
from a 303 phone number, Thursday, December 24, 2:27 PM

303 must be a very good pet owner, since I think many people's first reactions would not be, "Fortunately, Scooby is not sick." They would be, "FUCK YOU, dog, for eating all my fucking food!"

Though this text also reminds me to say-- merry Christmas! I hope that you all enjoy your holiday and that it is not ruined by your dogs eating your groceries.

I found the article w your dad in the ny times online. I'M SORRY I CONFUSED ISLAM AND ISREAL i.m a dumb ass now i know.
from a 510 phone number, Thursday, December 24, 12:45 AM

haha.

I assume 510 and Leila once had come long argument in which 510 kept saying, like, "Leila, your dad's homeland was established in 1948! Your dad is fluent in Hebrew! He is! Stop arguing with me!" And then 510 read that NYT article and was like, "Oops, sorry, Leila. Your dad is Islamic, not Israeli. I take it all back."

Speaking of the NY Times online, did you all see that time an NYT blog linked to this blog? This happened a few weeks ago, but I don't think I wrote about it at the time. God love the NYT.

where you at BITCH
i am the besttt!!!
from a 419 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 6:22 PM

I'm finding 419 a little too self-congratulatory today.

There is a wind warning out
from a 928 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 3:31 PM

928 is central and northern Arizona, apparently. Can someone in that neighborhood confirm or deny this text? I've heard of winter storm warnings, but wind warnings are not something we get, here on the East Coast.

I had a dream that you would be quiet
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:18 AM

are you thar
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:21 AM

Hi
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:29 AM

Hi
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:34 AM

Did you get my text
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:37 AM

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:42 AM

The MaYa messages have been going on for nearly two months now-- here are the very first ones, if you want to relive the glory. I know some of you have been hoping I never respond to her, just so we can see how the whole MaYa thing ends. But here's the thing: It was never going to end. This was just going to go on forever, and it was never going to get any clearer or more fulfilling.

So I called MaYa back. The six boring texts in 25 minutes just made me crack. I dialed her number, and I was all raging, "I am going to put this girl in her place! I am going to ask her why the hell she has been texting Leila for TWO MONTHS even though she should know by now that it's NOT WORKING! I am going to..."

Only here's the thing, and we all could have seen this one coming: MaYa is a child. She really doesn't know any better. And I don't have it in me to be mean to a child.

I called her and the first time she sent me to voicemail (VOICEMAIL, MaYa??? After all we have shared-- VOICEMAIL?), but then I called again and she answered. I started out strong and kind of annoyed with a, "Hey, MaYa, this is Leila. I've been receiving all your texts that you've been sending to your friend Leila."

She just said, "Okay."

I said, "Did you know Leila wasn't receiving your texts?"

MaYa said, "Yes."

I said, "But you kept texting her anyway?"

MaYa said, "Yes."

And this was when I realized I was a stranger, calling up a child and bullying her. That's not cool. Don't do that. So I didn't ask her what the hell she was thinking. I just explained to her that she needed to pull up Leila's name from her contact list, and MaYa said "okay" and "yes" a few more times, and then I wished her good luck and hung up.

We may never understand why MaYa kept addressing text messages this way for the entirety of November and December, 2009. It will just be an unsolved mystery.

hey..i screwed up, i meant we get paid new years eve. don’t know why i said x-mas eve..we just paid u ansd got paid last Thursday
from a 520 phone number, Monday, December 21, 8:25 PM

Right, because often people get paid on the 31st of the month, but rarely do they get paid on the 25th. What do I know, though. I have no idea what kind of job Leila works.

And i told him, u gata lick it b4 u stick it.
from a 718 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 11:12 PM

Sage words of wisdom that many people could stand to hear repeated more often.

how r u feeling?
ho ho ho happy holidays.
prema!
from a 740 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 2:18 PM

Uh, aren’t you Prema to most, Mom to 3? What happened to your kids, lady?

are yu goin to church this morning
from a 757 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 11:13 AM

No. But I did spend Sunday morning listening to Mariah Carey’s Christmas album, which is religious, kind of, in its own way.

I been sending the video you send me, everybody were cracking up…
from a 267 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 10:36 AM

Ooh, can you send it to me, 267? I love to laugh.

ur sexy biffle hey sexy biffle do you still want me to come over?
m<6
from a 571 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 10:19 AM

I didn’t want you to come over, but, now that you’ve called me sexy, I guess you have talked me into it.

Tuesday nite?
from a 270 phone number, Saturday, December 19, 11:20 PM

Will they lket me and u switch bout for a min . Jeffery is in the family room? Ask cuz I would like to talk to kayla
from a 270 phone number, Monday, December 21, 5:31 AM

Can u get summer something to snack on? Please. Ill pay u back
from a 270 phone number, Monday, December 21, 6:22 AM

This middle text confuses and interests me most. Who might not let Leila and 270 switch places so that 270 can talk to Kayla? Who even wields that sort of power, that they can be like, “No, 270, you may not come into the family room”? Plus, who’s Jeffery? Texts involving drama between the sender and recipient make sense to me, but once you start pulling in Jeffery and Kayla and Summer and “them,” I just get lost.

opps sorry didnt meen to send that again. and yeah tried to talk to shaun and didnt work out. so im not going to worry about it anymore
frm a 530 phone number, Saturday, December 19, 12:22 AM

Theories: What didn’t work out with Shaun that 530 is now not going to worry about anymore?

Hi hi hi wig hi hi hi hi hi
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Friday, December 18, 11:03 PM

I will never understand this girl and I have given up trying.

Hello
Testing my tex
from a 605 phone number, Friday, December 18, 7:45 PM

U have exam next wk
from a 605 phone number, Friday, December 18, 8:59 PM

Sory I took your car to put gas
from a 605 phone number, Monday, December 21, 8:05 AM

Hey, 605, go for it. Anytime you want to put gas in my car, that is totally cool with me. But as for the “testing my tex” bit—you may want to keep working on that part.

don’t forget business offf ice.
from a 912 phone number, Friday, December 18, 4:50 PM

At first I thought 912 was encouraging Leila to pursue business ventures off ice, as opposed to her usual focus of on-ice business… but it now occurs to me that 912 may have meant “business office.”

Enjoyed talking to you! Please call again soon so we can continue. U coming down here? I love you more.....
from a 505 phone number, Tuesday, December 15, 4:32 PM

Oh and this is emily txting from kaitlyn s fone
I love lulu
from an 805 phone number, Tuesday, December 15, 6:17 PM

I wanted to be the first to say i love you
from a 503 phone number, Thursday. December 17, 9:36 AM

Lots of people loving lots of Leilas recently. Must be the holiday spirit.

I want both of my girls to put their trust in God not man. If tou both have read Luke chapter 5 vs 1~10 u will understand. I love you both so much.
from a 575 phone number, Thursday, December 17, 6:53 AM

This doesn't make me think of the Bible. It makes me think of David Bowie.

In case you were wondering, here's Luke chapter 5 vs 1~10. Take away from this, you know, whatever seems relevant.

5:1 Now Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, and the crowd was pressing around him to hear the word of God. 2 He saw two boats by the lake, but the fishermen had gotten out of them and were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, and asked him to put out a little way from the shore. Then Jesus sat down and taught the crowds from the boat. 4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and lower your nets for a catch.” 5 Simon answered, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing! But at your word I will lower the nets.” 6 When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets started to tear. 7 So they motioned to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both boats, so that they were about to sink. 8 But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” 9 For Peter and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, Zebedee’s sons, who were Simon’s business partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching people.” 11 So when they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him.

hey... i heard you know about mona vie. would you be interested to come check it out? <310. 03. 09<3
from a 253 phone number, Thursday, December 17, 3:04 AM

Apparently Monavie is an acai berry juice blend, so I'm not sure what there is to "come check out," especially not at 3:04 AM, unless "mona vie" is really code for something else.

idnt know about us anymore if ur already lieing thats a big prb idnt know if im going to stay wit u i got alout to
from a 312 phone number, Wednesday, December 16, 9:02 PM

WINNER: best text of the week. I think all our relationships would be a lot more straightforward if we would just text our significant others to say "I don't know about us anymore."

I just ignored it when I got this text, but I'm now realizing I really should have written back. As far as 312 is concerned, he tried to break up with Leila, and she just never replied. Okay, now I feel a little bad.