Im at cold stone
from a 775 phone number, Sunday, September 26, 7:28 PM EST

And I am so jealous!

Who put the dogs on ur prch
from a 270 phone number, Friday, September 24, 9:55 PM EST

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8

did u have a good day?
from a 425 phone number, Thursday, September 23, 10:08 PM EST

r u alive. u never ans my text last evening?
from a 425 phone number, Friday, September 24, 12:44 PM EST

If my friends concluded that I was dead every time I didn't answer one of their texts, then they would assume I was dead on most days. Maybe Leila was just busy, okay, 425?!? Or maybe she just didn't get your text at all. Stop being so overprotective, jeez.

Leila, in your professional opinion, hlow long do drugs like marijuana and lsd take to clear the system for a urine test? Do diet and exercise help?
from a 218 phone number, Thursday, September 23, 10:59 PM EST

Sometimes the Leila Texts require that I provide information that, unfortunately, I just don't have at my fingertips. My guess here would be that marijuana and LSD clear the system at different rates, and that both take a few weeks to make you clean for a urine test, and that diet and exercise may help, but not significantly. In short, I would guess that 218 is screwed for whatever drug screening she has to take.

But I open this up to you, dear readers. In your professional opinion, how long would this take?

Hypothetically, of course.

Olivia
Oliviaim goin early to sign up for drama with lauren
Olivia
from an 813 phone number, Tuesday, September 21, 6:23 PM EST

bring 15 $ do drama with me we can sign up in the morning with lauren lange
Olivia
from an 813 phone number, Wednesday, September 22, 6:12 AM EST

or do debate
Olivia
from an 813 phone number, Wednesday, September 22, 6:37 AM EST

Olivia reminds me of myself in high school. I loved to join clubs. Including drama AND debate. Olivia, if your intended Leila idn't interested, I'll bring $15 and go with you!

Cuz of mah mom
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Monday, September 6, 3:15 PM EST

Uuuuuugh my mom said we cant go!
from a 408 phone number, Monday, September 6, 4:44 PM EST

Hi do u no sanjs phone number
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Tuesday, September 7, 10:19 PM EST

Ery do u hav a tank top i can use im sooo sry
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Wednesday, September 8, 10:40 AM EST

Wanna go to sb tomoro
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Wednesday, September 15, 1:12 AM EST

Hi leila its nicky
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Thursday, September 16, 11:10 AM EST

Do u wanna do sumthin tomoro afta skoo wit me n katie
VossBotlsROsm
from a 408 phone number, Thursday, September 16, 10:39 PM EST

So Nicky and I have been one-sided penpals for weeks now, yet I still have absolutely no idea what she's talking about, or, more importantly, what her sig line means.

Thats not what a us boy does
from a 216 phone number, Monday, September 6, 11:33 AM EST

Really? What does a U.S. boy do, then? Watch baseball and drink a Budweiser, maybe? Does he drive a Ford and look at the Grand Canyon while wearing Converse?

Leeeeeiiiillllllaaa what did gabs tell u
from a 406 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 11:25 PM EST

LEILAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
from a 406 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 11:29 PM EST

L-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-leilas
from a 406 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 11:42 PM EST

Leila la la la la la la la la la leila
from a 406 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 11:49 PM EST

If you've never had this experience: It's kind of unnerving when a complete stranger keeps shouting your name over text message.

That cool
from a 313 phone number, Sunday, October 3, 10:54 AM EST

I love my new phone
from a 313 phone number, Sunday, October 3, 10:57 AM EST

So what do want to talk about
from a 313 phone number, Sunday, October 3, 10:57 AM EST

This is weaird
from a 313 phone number, Sunday, October 3, 10:59 AM EST

Sometimes adults are shocked by how many text messages teenagers send in the course of a month. I don't know why. If they can average four texts in five minutes, then 10,000 in one month should not be such a stretch.

Ako ur dad im proud of having a big family that can understand me only sabeth who can not i love ur mam. Thou she dont love me.
from a 415 phone number, Saturday, September 11, 4:12 PM EST

Could there be a sadder statement? “I love your mom. Though she don’t love me.” What could be worse than urequited love (with Leila’s mother)?

Sorry for drunk texting not sure why i was angry last night. Have a great saturday!
from an 843 phone number, Saturday, September 11, 6:21 AM EST

I wish I’d gotten the angry, drunk text. That’s a little more fun than the sober apology.

Hey leila to let u know i hate u
from a 516 phone number, Friday, September 10, 11:56 PM EST

What a bitch.

Leila i gotta tell you something i like you alott and i no u don’t like me and i no some person is making up stuff but i no were good friends an i want to
be
from a 256 phone number, Sunday, September 19, 12:08 AM EST

I wonder what lies some person is making up to convince Leila that 256 doesn’t actually like her. I wish I could get some of those text messages.

Haha that slice of pizza made me lose one pound. Good thing i ate it
from a 440 phone number, Saturday, September 18, 10:30 PM EST

I don’t know how a slice of pizza could make you LOSE weight. Nor do I want to know. At all.

All my shit is goin in front yard
from a 219 phone number, Thursday, September 16, 8:23 AM EST

And so begin 219’s concerted efforts to become as white trash as possible.

i forgot we leave friday after work to go to pigeon forge. johnny just reminded me. can we go wed?
from a 770 phone number, Sunday, September 19, 6:58 PM EST

Pigeon Forge: like Valley Forge, only for pigeons.

Hey my mom wanted to get some party light things so she wanted to know if she could get your moms number
from a 360 phone number, Saturday, September 18, 12:29 PM EST

Why would anyone ever want to party light? I want to party hard!

Merci, han hoet au tanze, hoffe blamiere mi ned… ond du hesch aues parat foerd schuel?
from a 651 phone number, Tuesday, September 7, 3:26 PM EST

I am stymied. This isn't French, other than the "merci." A few words in here are German, but not that many. None of it is Portuguese. What IS this?

In case you ever wondered what it means to be the recipient of the Leila Texts, it basically means that I spend a lot of my life on Babelfish.

Leila its Cassidy go on youtube and type in tails of adventure slideshow. i think youll like it!
from an 865 phone number, Monday, September 6, 5:19 PM EST

Here is what you find when you type in "tails of adventure slideshow." It is more or less exactly what I would be doing right now, if I were 12 years old.

hey girl wtf
from a 770 phone number, Monday, September 6, 4:10 PM EST

This calls to mind a classic text message invented many years ago by me and my best friend Allie. Some boy had acted toward me in a way that was totally baffling, and we determined that I should send him a text that said, simply, "wtf i hate you." I never did it, but only because I was scared, not because he didn't deserve it. I'm glad to see someone out there (770) has the balls to say what I never could. Sort of.