And now for a collection of recent text messages about various health conditions:

Had a tooth pulled this am how was yr visit with Alesia
from a 651 phone number, Monday, July 11, 2:00 PM EST

li'l just now came out of surgery... everything went well. they pulled out 2 teeth and wired his jaws... they need to keep an eye on his breathing...
from an 808 phone number, Thursday, July 14, 2:26 AM EST

Mom okay. Cardiac cath went good. Waiting for surgeron to discuss plan of care with us
from a 678 phone number, Tuesday, July 19, 7:56 PM EST

had mystery stomach pains all night-not sure why. will be home for morning-maybe all day. txt you later when i know better.
from a 617 phone number, Wednesday, July 20, 7:21 AM EST

If I had to pick one of these health issues, I would go with the pulled tooth. To be honest, though, none of these options sound very pleasant.

And now for a short collection of recent text messages about pets:

Thanx again guys...sorry to freak out...shes just a baby and i can bear to lose another pup prematurely.
from a 412 phone number, Monday, July 18, 12:24 AM EST

Better not forget a bigger cage for your bird prolly be cheaper down that way
from a 218 phone number, Wednesday, July 20, 6:40 PM EST

This is like the week of depressing texts. First we have the girl who has never read a book in her LIFE, and now we have puppies dying? What's next, rainbows that infect you with cancer?

wazzz up my homie???? i just read my first book ever not even 4 school i never really read the books i just asked people what it wz about
?Zniflower?
from a 302 phone number, Wednesday, July 20, 6:46 PM EST

As a young adult author and editor, I find this text message INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING. That said, I am quite curious about what book has caused 302 to break her never-reading streak. Ten bucks says it's The Hunger Games.

hey sweetie... daddy should have gotten you something for helping him pick out that really nice top... thanks for blessing me! you're a star!
from a 904 phone number, Saturday, July 16, 10:07 PM EST

Now this is the sort of text I like to see from mothers to their Leilas. Take note, 505.

I thought you were going to be home.
Love mom
from a 505 phone number, Sunday, July 17, 2:40 PM EST

It's already 6:00 o'ciock . I thought we were going to the movies.
Mom
from a 505 phone number, Sunday, July 17, 8"04 PM EST

This woman is beginning to drive me crazy. I can only imagine how her Intended Leila must feel. A CELL PHONE IS NOT A LEASH FOR YOUR CHILD. Or, if it is, it is not a very good one.

Hey I guess Ben is going to ARnolds parents to spend the night so he can go to work. I told him to let me know so we'll see. later.
from a 425 phone number, Friday, July 15, 9:20 PM EST

Good afternoon, what R U doin?
from a 425 phone number, Saturday, July 16, 2:45 PM EST

R U busy? I 'm waitin tohear frm U.
from a 425 phone number, Saturday, July 16, 2:55 PM EST

This is useful information, because it is important to me to know where Ben is staying every night.

Can you please meet me and Lindsey at the mall on Friday ?? If everyone can go , it will be Taylor , Lindsey , Jojo , and Leila (:
from an 808 phone number, Thursday, July 14, 3:25 AM EST

I don't know, 808. Last time we went to the mall you said we could go to the Mrs. Fields, but then once we got there you spent too much time at the Aeropostale so we didn't have time for cookies. I don't know how I feel about that.

im trying to get y and a ads...dr paulis dr palutsis dr herron trillium etc love you mom
from a 330 phone number, Monday, July 18, 12:35 PM EST

remind me about driving classes is anna taking with you
from a 330 phone number, Monday, July 18, 1:53 PM EST

That is a lot of doctors. Maybe Mom just wants to have a full medical roster lined up before Leila's first car accident.

FWD: Right. so when does everyone get to meet "her"?!
J+E<3Ninjacorns
from a 505 phone number, Sunday, July 3, 4:03 AM EST

Translation: "We all know your new girlfriend is actually a dude."

Hey lets go to the rec center
from an 801 phone number, Thursday, July 14, 1:37 PM EST

HELLS YES! They have a swimming pool there, I bet! And possibly even some board games!

Fuck u very much
from a 412 phone number, Thursday, July 14, 5:54 PM EST

That is actually one of my favorite Lily Allen songs.

get your ass home now
from a 330 phone number, Sunday, July 3, 11:20 PM EST

miss you love you soooooo much
from a 330 phoe number, Sunday, July 10, 10:58 AM EST

330 has experienced a broad range of emotions toward Leila. Love. Anger. Etc.

My bad finger touched go and im not good at this
from a 208 phone number, Sunday, July 10, 1:47 PM EST

So sorry didnt get you called 103 degrees cant stand it i like 79 will call tomorrow love u myrle
from a 208 phone number, Monday, July 11, 10:32 PM EST

I like it when it's 79 degrees, too. You can wear a dress and be fine, but you can wear jeans and be fine, too. I like that, in weather.

Starving bring money to get lunch when u come
from a 207 phone number, Thursday, July 7, 1:17 PM EST

Come pick me up
from a 207 phone number, Thursday, July 7, 2:18 PM EST

Poop face
from a 207 phone number, Saturday, July 9, 4:32 PM EST

Well I'm not going to pick you up now.

Dad drove 8 hours today yum i want pasta salad
from a 707 phone number, Saturday, July 2, 9:32 PM EST

This family always has pasta salad on days when dad drives six hours or more. They love it.

hey, just thought I would say HI before U leave have a safe trip . We Luv Ya Mom
from a 425 phone number, Monday, July 11, 1:31 PM EST

So U aren'T going to answer me?
from a 425 phone number, Monday, July 11, 2:31 PM EST

So sorry that U don't want to forgive me. I understand I hope some day U will understand .
from a 425 phone number, Monday, July 11, 3:07 PM EST

Oh, shit. Maybe I should have written back to say, "It's not that Leila hasn't forgiven you (for what?), it's just that she didn't get your texts. But I did! And I forgive you!" But I was busy. Whoops. I am a relationship-destroyer.

Your dog misses you. Kyra
from a 505 phone number, Friday, July 1, 1:46 AM EST

Call me lv mom
from a 505 phone number, Friday, July 1, 3:35 AM EST

leija I thought you were coming home early this morning. Love mom
from a 505 phone number, Thursday, July 7, 12:27 PM EST

Where are you? mom
from a 505 phone number, Thursday, July 7, 6:15 PM EST

You never called me.
Mom
from a 505 phone number, Saturday, July 9, 5:19 PM EST

Your dog hasn't come home since you let her go out . I told you not to let her go out side when you left. mom
from a 505 phone number, Monday, July 11, 9:02 PM EST

GOD MOM STOP BREATHING DOWN MY NECK ALL THE TIME! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Do u want to play i-spy?All u hav to do is type in a clue and i type in what i think is the answer
from a 951 phone number, Wednesday, June 29, 4:30 PM EST

My heart goes out to all the only children stuck alone in the backseat on long car drives.

Hola hijita perdon me olvide de tu happybirthday sorry pero tu sabes que te quiero mucho con todo mi corazon
from a 239 phone number, Saturday, Junr 25, 12:02 PM EST

"Hello little daughter forgive me for forgetting your happybirthday sorry but you know that I love you a lot with all of my heart."

I am fluent in Spanglish.

Wanna go for a bike ride with me in seattle on sunday while your mom is at work. We can go really slow for sightseeing
from a 253 phone number, Friday, June 24, 2:47 PM EST

Sure! I love bike riding. And sightseeing. I live 3000 miles away. I hope that is not a problem.