Chris wants to know he brought christopher a size 12 suit do u thgnk it will fit him
from a 215 phone number, Wednesday, November 26, 12:05 PM

I know what a size 12 means in women's sizing, but I have no idea when it comes to men's suits. If Christopher fits into a size 12 suit, would that mean he was really fat or really skinny or neither or what? All you dudes out there: Enlighten me.

im so bored
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Tuesday, November 25, 8:27 PM

Maybe you should try jazzing up your text sig line a little more. Maybe that'd be a good way to pass the time.

FWD: It's almost Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for having u in my life. Send this to everybody u r thankful for... i hope i get this back from you
from a 281 phone number, Tuesday, November 25, 6:11 PM

Happy Thanksgiving, Leila Texters! I hope you all have much to be thankful for.

hi mama! did u sign up at boulevard yet? carol said she may open another class on tus
from an 818 phone number, Tuesday, November 25, 5:54 PM

I wonder what kind of classes Boulevard offers. 818 is SoCal, if any of you Internet detectives out there want to look into this.

Good morning hot tamale....sorry 2 b buggin but i c mold on mi weede's is that ok or shold i open it & let is breath!
from an 818 phone number, Monday, November 24, 1:45 PM

Sorry, is this actually a text asking Leila how to preserve your marijuana? Is there some alternate meaning of "weede's" that I'm missing>

yoyoyo whaz up home slice
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, November 23, 6:34 PM

waz up my young hizzle friend?
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Monday, November 24, 10:13 PM

According to Urban Dictionary, "hizzle" means "house." But "waz up my young house friend" sounds like a 55-year-old trying to get down the "kid lingo" and failing utterly.

I found out who likes me and i will only tell if u txt back so txt back plz
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 10:34 PM

hey hey hey yalls just watched bolt
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, November 23, 11:48 AM

Nope, sorry, not worth it. If you found out who likes ME, maybe I would be curious enough to text you back. But just to hear who likes YOU? I'm far too self-absorbed for that.

Also, I'm pretty adept at reading l337, but I can't make sense out of this sig line. Ozebaa Sheriff? Is that a name? A type of law-enforcement official?

hey havent seen ya in 4evea
from an 859 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 10:36 PM

Have you ever considered that perhaps you haven't seen Leila in 4evea because she has not been receiving your text messages? Think it over.

i am going to see twighlight tonight!
from a 323 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 7:58PM

I hope you pre-purchased tickets, 323, because that shit has been as sold-out as an alt-rock band that formerly had 'cred' but now opens for Nickelback in stadiums in Jersey.

Caj killed us walking back now
from a 510 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 7:07 PM

Potentially the first Leila Text from a ghost.

FWD: R we nuts?
Roni
from a 609 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 12:30 PM

I don't know, Roni. Is it nuts to live your dreams? Then, yes, we r nuts, but, hell, I'd be nuts any day.

what the hell are you doing. leila
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 9:18 PM

This sounded pretty angry, and I figured maybe I could stave off some of the anger by replying. So I sent my standard Leila Text reply, which I don't send to everything, just the ones that I think especially demand an answer, and then only when I have the time. My standard reply, in case you were wondeirng, is something like, "Sorry your text came to me instead of Leila. Please text her again by pulling her name out of your contacts list. Do not type it in."

A few minutes after I sent this explanatory text, I received this response:

who is this and sorry for the messege
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 10:11 PM

I was like, cool, problem solved, it's kind of this person to apologize. I didn't text back-- why would I? What more do 763 and I have to say to each other?

Loads, apparently.

WHO IS this. you dont have to say but what did the meseege say please tell me it can be personal.
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 10:45 PM

"What did the meseege say"? Uh, what do you THINK it said? Check your outbox and see what you tried to text to Leila earlier. That's what it said.

This was a dumb question, and I was out with my friend Becca, and I don't like being spoken to in capital letters by strangers. I still didn't reply. A few minutes later...

is this a person of computer.
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 10:52 PM

A computer? Kid, what is your concept of how technology works?

Finally, I found a lull in Becca and my conversation and called 763. (Which, frankly, is what 763 should have done herself. When text messages are not getting the response you want, CALLING is an excellent back-up. Not to sound retro or anything.)

763 sounded very, very slow. I reiterated what I had said in my text message, like thirty seconds passed, and then 763 said, "Oh."

I was like, "Yeah, so, are we done here?"

Another thirty second passed because 763 asked me, "What did the text say?"

For Christ's sake. "It asked Leila what she was doing. No big deal." I left out the "hell" part of 763's original text. I don't know why. I guess I thought that was the "personal" part.

763 said, "Oh."

I said, "I'm hanging up now."

I hung up. Becca said, "I can't believe I just witnessed the Leila Texts IN ACTION."

Nothing but fun and games when you go out with me on a Thursday evening, as I'm sure this posting demonstrates.

FWD: Why do U of U fans store their diploma on their windshield?

So that they can park in handicapped parking.
from a 661 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 7:10 PM

It's refreshing to see a chain text like this that's NOT about President-elect Obama.

DANG ur fine! Cute ass smile, bangin body, Sexy as ever! Why u smiling? This was sent 2 me, im just lettin u read it! HAHAHA
from a 727 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 3:46 PM

And now, dear reader, I am letting YOU read it, too. Spreading the love/lust.

leila u rule
from a 970 phone number, Wednesday, November 19, 12:34 AM

I almost didn't post this text here because I was so convinced it was for me, but, like, I guess it's possible that some other Leila out there rules, too.

So Peter really needs to get his powers back.
from a 425 phone number, Wednesday, November 19, 12:32 AM

I have decided this is a text about Heroes. I don't watch Heroes, but, on the basis of this text, I now feel perfectly comfortable slipping into conversation, "Heroes would be a way better show if only Pete would get his powers back." Yes? All your Heroes-watchers out there, want to engage in conversation with me?

Tu ma se viene con lety
from a 909 phone number, Tuesday, November 18, 2:27 PM

"Your something comes with something."

Jesus Christ, the UN should hire me as a translator or something.

Hey does ur mobile im cost u anything
from an 847 phone number, Monday, November 17, 7:55 PM

Probably. There's not much free in the way of phones. Except for the joy a Leila Text brings. That's priceless.

Please bring our lettuce for our seafood salad thanks see you in an hour
from a 510 phone number, Sunday, November 16, 8:25 PM

Ew I hate seafood salads. But I do love dinner parties!

hey whats up is anyone there yet?
from a 310 phone number, Sunday, November 16, 6:58 PM

Maybe like Leila is throwing a party and 310 doesn't want to be the first guest there so she's trying to figure out who else has already arrived? Only... who throws parties on Sunday evenings?

Oh, that reminds me-- I'm trying to schedule a winter cocktail party and am having a hell of a time of it. If one of your friends invited you to a Thursday night cocktail party, would you go? Is Thursday, as I was informed today, indeed the new Friday?