work Not comming in. Can't breathe. No sleep, lots of discomfort! Left VM for Renee. Doctor apt 1:30. Feel bad enough to go to ER.
from a 775 phone number, Wednesday, May 5, 10:39 AM EST

That's from this same Leila. She's been having a lot of health problems recently. I called her to explain that Leila wasn't receiving her texts, and she told me that she just learned to use text messaging a couple weeks ago, which makes sense. I didn't ask what was wrong with her, because that seemed kind of personal, given that I am a total stranger.

Sooooo did you do it yet? I am anxious to find out if it was good.
from a 978 phone number, Wednesday, May 5, 2:08 PM EST

I assume the "it" in question is either sex or 'shrooms. While that interpretation may not be strictly "true," it certainly makes this text message more exciting.

Hey jackie has math last too and said shed find you can i give her jauquito for 6th??
from a 925 phone number, Wednesday, May 5, 4:30 PM EST

Trying to parse this message: Jackie and Leila both have math last person. Jackie has told 925 that she'll find Leila during math class. 925 requests permission to give Jackie "jauquito for 6th." That's about where I get lost.

i love you!!! tell all the cats "meow", they will know what it means.
from an 815 phone number, Wednesday, May 5, 7:05 PM

This text message captured my heart because it's about cats, nature's cutest animal.

i found that blog u wanted http://thatgirlcantalk.blogspot.com
from a 360 phone number, Friday, May 7, 4:12 AM

This is a blog of "talks I have written and given as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." Not sure why Leila was looking for this blog at 4:12 AM.

Goodmorning! so i just realized that theres hw i forgot to do so im going to school late
from a 508 phone number, Friday, May 7, 6:31 AM

I am so glad not to be in school any more. Everything in this text sounds horrible.

1) Being awake and texting at 6:31 in the morning.
2) Having homework.
3) Forgetting to do homework.
4) Being awake at 6:31 in the morning, so that you can do homework.

Poor 508.

WERLEIN 6ive v good. Hacker gal super cant wait 2 c u!
from an 847 phone number, Friday, May 7, 12:30 PM

Probably this Leila here, since she's the only Leila with the last name Werlein I can find on facebook, and also she lives in Wisconsin, and 847 is a northern Illinois phone number, and (check a map if you don't believe me), Wisconsin is close to Illinois. Anyway. That answers one question, but sheds no light on the issue of: Who is Hacker Gal?

Daddio just had the most amazing idea for next year's sukkah party! "American Idol Sukkah"! we could rent a karaoke machine and we'll also...
from an 860 phone number, Friday, May 7, 5:54 PM

Sukkot isn't for like five months, so I find it kind of amusing that 860 and Leila are already making plans. This is like how my friends start discussing our Halloween costumes in February, except I didn't know people got that excited about Sukkot. That being said, maybe if my Sukkot involveda karaoke machine, then I would also get that excited about it.

heyy leila wer r u dante wnna no
from an 818 phone number, Friday, May 7, 11:52 PM

I find it weird that the ONLY words 818 knows how to spell correctly are 1) my name and 2) Dante.

FWD: Fwd:Ima STAR becuz i party like a ROCKSTAR,play like an ALLSTAR live like a MOVIESTAR,and fuck like a PORNSTAR.!!keep this shit going if u a star.!
from a 202 phone number, Saturday, May 8, 11:17 AM

Basically, 202 has just texted Leila to inform her that she has a drug problem, and that she enjoys being sexually subjugated. Which may be true, but I'm surprised she's so candid about all this with Leila.

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! is davey coming too? hope you're having fun@ 6 flags!
from an 860 phone number, Saturday, May 8, 6:02 PM

I'll make this comment since, if I don't, my friend Jeremy will: It's SIX FLAGS! How could Leila NOT be having fun?

just to fill everyone in, we are having an early dinner @ mommys house maria is making sauce n meatballs, i am bringing a meat (pork roast), jo
Silvana:)
from a 917 phone number, Tuesday, May 4, 4:48 PM

That is an insane amount of meat. So far, what we know about this meal is that it will include both meatballs and also pork roast. What about bacon, Silvana? Will there be bacon? Maybe round out the meal with some lamb chops?

I been watching you
from an 804 phone number, Tuesday, May 4, 4:53 PM

Also a creepy text. This is like the week of creepy texts.

Elloz howz it goin
*I got skittles!*
from a 701 phone number, Tuesday, April 27, 8:19 AM

are u gonna walk to skool? If u are can u text me when i need to go outside??
*I got skittles!*
from a 701 phone number, Tuesday, April 27, 9:00 AM

Annthony is trying to steal mine phone
*I got skittles!*
from a 701 phone number, Tuesday, April 27, 9:48 AM

This is a lot of enthusiasm for skittles. M&Ms, okay. M&Ms I can understand; they include chocolate. But skittles? They're just gross little Starbursts, aren't they?

*
**
***
****
*****
******
*****
****
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**
*
*Meggeronies*
from a 701 phone number, Wednesday, April 28, 8:34 AM

Some people should not be allowed to have cell phones. Meggeronies is one such person.

hey i realized i left a load of wash in washer. will be back at 7. feel free to move it to dryer if u need to do L.
from a 408 phone number, Wednesday, April 28, 7:29 PM

408 sounds like a conscientious flatmate. I leave loads of wash in the washer all the time, and I don't text anyone. I just forget it.

Hi leila were are you at do you now that my naes leila boork her thum.
from a 302 phone number, Saturday, May 1, 12:48 PM

This text gets progressively more difficult to understand. "Hi Leila. Where are you at? Do you know that my name's Leila? boork her thum."

No idea.

what computers are supposed to be easier lol....
from a 508 phone number, Tuesday, May 4, 2:47 PM

Apples! (Dear Steve Jobs: This is your cue to send me some free merch because I'm talking up your product. YOU'RE WELCOME.)

You are cool did i ever tell you that
from a 912 phone number, Saturday, April 24, 11:48 PM

Oh, go on, then.

Hurry and cum i waiting for u and mom probaly lookin for me so hurry up Freddy vs jason
from a 619 phone number, Saturday, April 24, 10:40 PM

I'd like to devote some attention to the "Freddy vs jason" sig line, but unfortunately I just can't move on from the bit where 619 is telling Leila to hurry and cum because she's waiting for her.