hi its shannon.
I <3 AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from a 508 phone number, Tuesday, May 17, 7:24 AM EST

It's America, Shannon. Not Justin Bieber. Chill out.

That must have been it. just make sure this week that you dont frget t dh jk sjuriig or smthng
from a 208 phone number, Tuesday, May 17, 2:41 PM EST

This comes so close to being valuable advice. So, so close.

Yes im not mad at yall just him
IM.FREKIN.HILATIOUS<3
from an 832 phone number, Tuesday, May 17, 5:06 PM EST

Ooh, what did he do?!

hey u r pickin me up right
I <3 JB
from a 919 phone number, Tuesday, May 17, 5:39 PM EST

Someday I want to get all the Justin Bieber-loving Leila Texters in a room together-- this girl, and the Mrs. Bieber chick, and the Bieber Fever girl, and Lady "Peace, Love, Justin Bieber", and all the rest of them-- and then I want to make them fight to the death, Hunger Games-style. Winner gets thirty minutes alone with the man himself. That seems fair, doesn't it?

You still modeling this sat right? :-)
from an 858 phone number, Wednesday, May 18, 4:21 PM EST

Of course right. Because I am a famous runway model, and the fashion designers simply will not let me take a Saturday off. It is just too damaging to their careers, when I, Leila, am absent.

Poop
from a 248 phone number, Wednesday, May 18, 6:26 PM EST

Sure.

if u have no work...get off that computer.
from a 404 phone number, Thursday, May 19, 7:45 PM EST

THAT IS REALLY SOLID ADVICE. Does updating the Leila Texts count as work?

Is it soooooooooo funny
from a 707 phone number, Friday, May 20, 9:28 PM EST

Are you asking about Bridesmaids? I still haven't seen it, but, yeah, I hear it's pretty funny.

Do you know the name of that mexican restaurant in canandaigua
from a 585 phone number, Saturday, May 21m 6:34 PM EST

Is it this place? That's what I found when I googled "canandaigua mexican restaurant." I am basically a humanized smartphone.

cann you help me with math
from an 845 phone number, Sunday, May 22, 2:41 PM EST

Sure! A-squared plus B-squared equals C-squared. I can also help you with spelling. It's "can."

Yeah i guess. we've been at high altitude too long?
from a 208 phone number, Sunday, May 22, 10:25 PM EST

That's good, though. If you can survive at high altitudes, that just makes you heartier. Then you can go to low altitudes and biking long distances feels like a total breeze. Or so I hear. I live at sea level.

I needs some advice :( I got really drunk the other night and I guess I said some mean shit to Emi and she ended up waiting til 4 in the morn with me for
from a 608 phone number, Monday, May 23, 12:02 AM EST

It is hard for me to give you advice without hearing the end of this story, but I think you can never go wrong with a bouquet of flowers and a hand-written note of apology. I guess it depends exactly what you said to Emi, but flowers and a card are always a good start.

Hey Miss, I have down on my calendar Chelsea Handler for this Friday night with Val & friends..Do u know if this still is happening?
from a 602 phone number, Monday, May 9, 6:53 PM EST

According to Wikipedia, Chelsea Handler "is an American stand-up comedian, humorist, television host, actress, model, and best-selling author." Not to be jealous, but IS THERE NOTHING THIS BITCH CAN'T DO?

My kohls coupon expires wed lets go mon or tues
Renee’
from a 631 phone number, Friday, May 13, 3:39 PM EST

That is a good idea. I could use a new pair of shoes.

OMG! u reely got orbeez!i hate u! Ofcorse i want one!
from a 201 phone number, Sunday, May 15, 8:51 AM EST

What are Orbeez, you may be wondering. How could they make a person so jealous?

According to their website, “OrbeezTM are wet and wacky, soft and squishy, fun and funky, bouncy and beautiful. They start off hard and tiny. Add water and watch them grow to 100 times their volume.”

Does that answer your questions?

Abuelita en el hosp
from a 239 phone number, Sunday, May 8, 11:30 PM EST

Me estoy llendo al hosp
from a 239 phone number, Sunday, May 8, 11:31 PM EST

Tres confirmaron asistencia al bb swr
from a 239 phone number, Monday, May 9, 6:14 PM EST

I get that grandmother is in the hospital, and then that 239 is going to the hospital… but then this devolved into a random string of letters. Even my high-school level Spanish can’t help with this third text.

It is too late. You should be making plans to move.
from a 517 phone number, Tuesday, May 10, 4:46 PM EST

This is just about the worst text message Leila could imagine receiving from her landlord after she dallied too long in signing the lease.

Maybe we could go to the gluten free bakery and check it out
from a 541 phone number, Tuesday, May 10, 11:45 PM EST

Do you have a wheat allergy? My friend Rebecca has one of those. She spends a lot of time at gluten-free bakeries.

r u going to the shakespere play this year?
from a 505 phone number, Wednesday, May 11, 2:23 PM EST

Depends what it is. Is it a Midsummer Night’s Dream? I like that one.

Is your ass frozen to the bleacher?
from a 307 phone number, Wednesday, May 11, 5:25 PM EST

No.