Wednesday, October 1, 2008

hey this is lisa w i was wondering if you or bianca could lay out my lil stuff for today or should ask someone in the house? i have class all day
from a 661 phone number, Wednesday, October 1, 2:51 PM

Lisa W. is probably in college, because younger students don't need to specify that they "have class all day," while older people don't have class at all. I'm going to further assume that Lisa is in a sorority. Thus, when she says "the house," she means "the sorority house," and when she says "my lil stuff," maybe she means "the stuff for my little sister."

Clare, Leslie, readers who used to be in sororities: Please confirm or deny my speculations.
hi how is Neve I cant find you
from a 650 phone number, Tuesday, September 30, 5:50 PM

I can't find you, either. It might help if you told me your name.
tell steve if hes don for the pizza hut buffet

from a 562 phone number, Tuesday, September 30, 2:19 PM

Look, I don't want to foist my bourgeois tastes on Lou, Steve, and Leila, but: A Pizza Hut buffet? Really? I am all for pizza buffets, but why not Pizzeria Uno, guys? Why not CPK? Can you honestly not do any better than Pizza Hut? Have you even tried?
Hey wat up fool what are you going to be for halloween

from an 808 phone number, Sunday, September 28, 9:29 PM

This from the same girl who wanted Leila to play outside last week. This text makes me anxious. Am I really supposed to already know what I'm going to be for Halloween? Does Keely know? Does her Intended Leila? Am I so far behind the times? Have all the good costume ideas been taken already? I work myself into a panic.
.shuuu we surprising france
from a 201 phone number, Saturday, September 27, 2:12 PM

Maybe about a sporting event? Usually when "we" are doing something to another country (in this case, surprising it), it's either on the sports field or on the battlefield. And we're not at war with France. So far as I know.
Test. Does this message come through?
from a 605 phone number, Friday, September 26, 10:43 PM

Potentially for me. Potentially for some other Leila. Just in case, I texted back, "No." I didn't get a response, though, so this text's purpose remains an enigma.
heiii conisss
from a 973 phone number, Friday, September 26, 12:45 PM

Is 'Conisss' a person's name? Is 'Conis' a person's name? Specllcheck doesn't recognize either one.
wats up
from a 703 phone number, Thursday, September 25, 4:11 PM

Looking for a new roommate, changing lightbulbs in my apartment (potential roommates really don't want to live in the dark, I have found), listening to Robyn, updating my blog... truly awesome times. Wats up with you, 703?
FWD: Fwd:FWD: - Fwd: - Fwd: FW:Msg:: 2morrow is national kiss day every guy must kiss a girl forward to ten people or you wont get a kiss
from a 925 phone number, Wednesday, September 24, 11:31 PM

I'm just picturing a scene in which some guy leans in to kiss a girl, and she shoves him away, screeching, "Ew! What are you doing that for? Did you think I was at all interested in you?" And he's like, "No, of course not. But I have to kiss you! It's National Kiss Day! Every guy must kiss a girl. It's in the rules!" This is like next-level peer pressure.
Given that "Leila" means "night" in Hebrew, I have received surprisingly few "Happy new year" texts over the past two days. Sad. Anyway, allow me to wish all of you out there a happy new year.
Now, turning our attention to other happy matters:

FWD: FWD: FWD:Msg: K this is Scary its called MindReader send it to 10ppl (not me) then go 2 ur inbox press * and it will show ur true luvs last name
from a 714 phone number, Wednesday, September 24, 8:08 PM

I really really don't believe this works because, like, HOW COULD IT?-- but at the same time I want to try it because what if it did? That would be even more magical than getting text messages from strangers. Cell phones are truly the Ouija boards of the future.