Saturday, October 6, 2007

Cell 573**** I will have a car tomorrow so you dont need yours. I will take you home after
from an 801 phone number, Thursday, October 4, 11:46 PM

Obviously the text included the full phone number, but, as you know, I try to preserve the strangers' privacy when I can.

So... this sounds fun, doesn't it? Leila doesn't need her car because the 801 person will take her home after. But after what? That's the question. After a party? After apple-picking? After her court hearing? Isn't it existential to think that we will never know?
Call me after 3, ok?
from an 814 number, Friday, October 5, 10:34 PM

3? That's a pretty arbitrary time, don't you think, 814 guy?

Well, maybe Leila wouldn't think so. Maybe Leila knows that you have a meeting until 3. Or maybe you are an elementary school student and don't get home until 3. I guess Leila would know.

Personally, though, I want to know what the heck is so special about 3 that you can't receive calls before then. Picky, picky.
hey u just wanted to say hi
from a 909 phone number, Friday, October 5, 6:09 PM

As with the 949 person who asked Leila "how's skool" a few entries back, this text could either be really sweet or really annoying. It all depends what Leila's relationship is with the 909 guy. If it's a friend of hers who lives in a different state and they don't get to talk all that often, then it's nice of him to text just to say hi, just so she knows they're still friends.

On the other hand, if this is a boy with whom she once, a number of months ago, went out on a date, and she's been avoiding him ever since, and he's still texting to say, "hey u just wanted to say hi," then really he should just lay off. And had Leila received this text, as was intended, she would have turned to her friends and been like, "God, that guy is still texting me, and he has nothing to say, even; he can't even come up with a good pretense for texting me."

It's all a matter of perspective, is the point.

To ponder: Is a text message saying "hey u just wanted to say hi" better than those text messages that I constantly criticize that just say "hi"?
R u going to the hw game i am
from a 310 phone number, Friday, October 5, 7:33 PM

You know, a number of colleges have their homecoming games this weekend. (I learned this from my coworker Leslie, don't worry, it's not like I actually have any sense of when or what homecoming is.) Do you suppose "the hw game" is supposed to be "the homecoming game"? Or is that too much of a stretch?

In my experience, "hw" stands for "homework." But "R u going to the homework game i am"? No. That makes no sense. Homework is never a game.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

FWD: Men are like toilets. They're either dirty, unavailable, out-of-order, or FULL OF SHIT. If you agree, send to all of your girls.
from a 646 phone number, Tuesday, October 2, 5:50 PM

While I appreciate the "boys suck" sentiment, I honestly find this analogy to be a little factually inaccurate. Although some toilets are dirty, unavailable, out-of-order, or FULL OF SHIT, many toilets work fine. For example, today I used the toilet in my office. It was fine. Then I got home and used the toilet in my apartment. Also fine.

So men may still be like toilets, but at that point all you're saying is, "Men are like toilets. They're either dirty, unavailable, out-of-order, FULL OF SHIT, or-- and this happens most often-- perfectly normal and usable and fulfilling their purpose."

Sort of diminishes the statement's power, doesn't it?
MUAHHH!!!! I WANT ONE BACK! You've been blown a KISS. If u get 1-3 ur sweet, 4-6 adorable, 7-9 freaking hot! So start kissin!

from a 928 phone number, Tuesday, October 2, 7:55 PM

I only got this one kiss, so I guess I'm just sweet. Which would really be a compliment, if I didn't know that the other two options were "adorable" and "freaking hot." Sweet doesn't sound so great any more, when compared with freaking hot. But I guess I take my compliments where I get them.

P.S. I have NO FUCKING CLUE what that random string of punctuation at the end of the text is. Is it supposed to look like a kiss, maybe? I don't know, maybe kisses do look like a string of colons and percentage signs. I mean, who's to say?
Bourne is awsome chicken is in the frig as of 12:30
from an 865 phone number, Tuesday, October 2, 6:18 PM

Ahem. This is where the PR people for The Bourne Identity are supposed to give me free CDs and liquor and stuff because I mentioned their movie in my blog, and that is good advertising. In fact, I not only mentioned it, I called it "awsome."

Go on, then. Show your gratitude. I'll accept even free Bourne clip-on earrings (if they exist). I am not picky.
c Anyone sign up 4 10
from a 310 phone number, Wednesday, October 3, 12:38 PM

Ooh, uh, no, I don't think I saw anyone sign up for ten. But, um, maybe I did, and I just didn't know that that was what I was looking at? It's hard to say at this point, really. Care to give me a hint?

Monday, October 1, 2007

yo wats up
from a 763 phone number, Sunday, September 30, 3:38 PM

Aw, jeez, not much. Just tooling around the Internet, updating my blog when I should be going to be bed; you know, the usuals. Thanks for asking, though! Wats up with u?
still at l a x plane f up
from a 425 phone number, Saturday, September 29, 4:19 PM

Sometimes the Leila Texts make me feel like I'm part of this whole big community, like we're not all so different as we feel, like I really have a lot in common with this multitude of nameless, faceless text message senders. We all sometimes get bored. We all celebrate birthdays. We all want to know what the plans are today. We all sometimes get stranded in airports. It's a small world after all.