hhhhh
from a 718 phone number, Friday, August 15, 12:22 PM

In theory, 718 is correct that, if you hit your number 4 key a certain number of times, you will wind up with the word 'hi.' But in practice, 718 has horribly misapplied this rule with stunningly disfigured results.

is that you?
from a 415 phone number, Thursday, August 14, 7:48 PM

Well, it is me... which is probably not the 'you' you were referring to.

when is my mom coming home?
dunya
from a 313 phone number, Wednesday, August 13, 9:59 PM

From this girl again. I'm concerned because I now gather that asking Leila about her mother's whereabouts is Doonya/Dunya's constant. m.o. Also, dear: which is it, Doonya or Dunya? Make up your mind. You don't see me changing the spelling of my name like that. I'm not some days Leila and some days Leela. (That would defeat the purpose of the Leila Texts.)

U just lost the game!
from a 401 phone number, Wednesday, August 13, 9:05 PM

Sorry. Didn't know we were playing.

Hey lady, I got the job I was telling you about so I'm moving to Denver in a month!! I'll call later to tell you more but wanted to give you the news. :D
from a 646 phone number, Wednesday, August 13, 7:34 PM

This is from a different 646 phone number, and this one I do find authentic. i.e. It doesn't seem purposefully constructed for my benefit. Anyway, congratulations 646 and all that. Denver seems far away, but props to you if that's where you want to be.

I'm interested in the salutation "Hey lady." A lot of my friends say this, but I'm not sure why or where it comes from. It seems particular to my generation. Anyone care to give me some etymological context?

Let's face it, this will involve four wheelers and possibly a chainsaw.
from a 646 phone number, Wednesday, August 13, 11:29 AM

I doubt the legitimacy of this Leila Text. Since my blog was featured in Manhattan User's Guide on Wednesday, approximately one hour before I received this text message from an NYC phone number... Well, I'm just not convinced that it is 'for real,' that's all.

If u have a cancel today can i come xo miss seeing ya
from a 704 phone number, Wednesday, August 13, 8:26 AM

Do you think this Leila is a doctor? Or like a vet or a social worker or something? Using 'cancel' as a noun ("a cancel") is unique to certain professions, I think.

Fuck you
from an 862 phone number, Tuesday, August 12, 11:07 PM

Oh, yeah, 862: really constructive, mature way of dealing with your emotions here.

YOU ARE AT CAMP RIGHT? IS IT FUN? I MISS YOU. TEXT ME BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND LET ME KNOW HOW CAMP IS. LOVE, MARISSA
from a 310 phone number, Tuesday, August 12, 8:22 PM

Call me old-fashioned, but I come from a strong tradition of not allowing cell phones at camp. I believe that they interfere with the insular experience that makes summer camp so valuable. I don't know if Marissa's Intended Leila is a camper or a counselor, but, frankly, if she's not the goddamn camp director, I don't think she should have a cell phone in her bunk.

where is my mom i know you guys are having coffee dont lie!
doonya
from a 313 phone number, Monday, August 11, 9:56 PM

Having coffee with Doonya's mom would be an odd thing to lie about, but I guess Leila would have her reasons. Doonya's text does come off a little like she's accusing Leila of kidnapping her mother, but that's probably just a stylistic quirk.

Did u find out if we have 2 go 2morrow?
from a 661 phone number, Monday, August 11, 1:50 AM

My dear 661, at 1:50 AM, you are no longer talking about tomorrow. You are talking about later on today.

because i dont want to
from a 716 phone number, Sunday, August 10, 1:48 PM

do u want times?
from a 716 phone number, Sunday, August 10, 2:49 PM

I assume this second text refers to the Sunday Times, because I can't think what other sort of times one might want at 2:49 PM on a Sunday. And to answer your question, 716: Yes, I do want them.

come over tonight for olympics. we're going to do shots each time the chinese announcer guy mispronounces a country. :)
~*tischa*~
from an 814 phone number, Friday, August 8, 6:13 PM

You see? This is what they mean when they say the Olympics unifies the nation, not to mention the world. Now, I didn't watch the opening ceremonies with ~*tischa*~. But I did watch them. And through the mass medium of television, Tischa and I and millions of others were, for a few hours on Friday, connected.

(Though I would like to go on record as saying that I, unlike ~*tischa*~, did not do a shot every time a Chinese announcer mispronounced a country's name because I, unlike ~*tischa*~, try to minimize racism in my life.)

From one Leila to another Leila: "It its got tires or testicles... its gonna give you trouble."
from a 314 phone number, Sunday, August 10, 2:42 AM

But really from one Leila to another Leila, yet intended for a third Leila still. I feel like we're in an Oscar Wile play entitled The Importance of Being Leila.

Im @ a dance convention here @ da radison
from a 401 phone number, Saturday, August 9, 12:48 PM

That would be the xtreme dance jam that happened this weekend in Rhode Island. It looks really fun, actually. I wish I had been there. I <3 conventions nearly as much as I <3 dance.

FWD: Fwd: The day i stop being there for u is the day u close my eyes 4ever. If i dont get this bak i understand. Send to 15 ppl u wont turn ur back on.
from a 408 phone number, Friday, August 8, 5:00 PM

I never understand these texts that involve lines like "If i dont get this bak i understand." Is that supposed to be some sort of passive-aggressive technique? Or do you have such low self-esteem that you just can't expect anyone to say she won't turn her back on you?

Here's a question: Is 15 people a large or small number to not turn your back on? I actually can't think of that many people I WOULD turn my back on. Well, I don't know. I guess it depends on your definition of "turning your back."

Ha.
from a 757 phone number, Friday, August 8, 1:50 AM

Let me in on the joke!