Go straight home
plumer is coming .
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 12:13 PM EST

cant talk
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 1:46 PM EST

R u home ?
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 1:55 PM EST

hello
from a 347 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 2:05 PM EST

Maybe I haven't responded to you because you haven't said anything interesting, did that ever occur to you? Maybe I don't want to let in the goddamn plumber. Maybe I have other, more important stuff to do. Yeah.

Will someone pls plug in the xmas lights?
I <3 my family!
from a 412 phone number, Tuesday, December 6, 4:20 PM EST

For some reason, 412's family seems like the sort of family that gets really into the holiday season.

What is the name of my procedure
from a 516 phone number, Monday, December 5, 11:10 AM EST

A keratin treatment.

Never minf wat i said before i dont like like u
from a 917 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 4:39 PM EST

I dont like like u never mind i like someone else
from a 917 phone number, Wednesday, December 7, 4:47 PM EST

After Leila ignored his 20 text messages and indicated that she did not really care for the new Justin Bieber single, 917 fell out of love with her. Frankly, I don't blame him.

Did you get the new house??
from a 713 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 8:02 PM EST

Much like leaf blowing, buying a new house fills me with anxiety about being an adult. You have to get it inspected. And stuff. You need a mortgage, probably. If I were Leila (which I am), I would just give up now.

At the nicoulicci's im stayin there while my moms gone
from a 443 phone number, Wednesday, November 30, 4:00 PM EST

Translation for aspiring robbers: 443's house is empty. You'll have no luck kidnapping 443 and holding her for ransom, since she is safely at the Nicouliccis'. But her xbox is up for grabs.

I love you. :) Im never letting this end. Ever. Don't worry about him. I'll always be there. I promise. :)
from a 720 phone number, Friday, December 2, 1:04 AM EST

If by "him," 720 means "Leila's husband," then this suddenly takes on a weird air.

hahahahahahahaaha i txt u
I_<3_Yuki_Sohma
from a 605 phone number, Friday, December 2, 9:23 AM EST

Yuki Sohma is a fictional character from the anime and manga series Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya.



I agree with 605. How could you not heart a punim like that?

Hi. Im taking care of your paycheck now.how about I let you know how many hours to add. Is that ok? If you have another idea im open
from a 609 phone number, Friday, December 2, 1:29 PM EST

Add fifty hours. Overtime pay! Let's cheat the system!

I deeply felt a sensation in da meep mer der nup. Poop
from a 952 phone number, Friday, December 2, 2:45 PM EST

For some reason I am finding it hard to empathize with 952's deeply felt sensation. Is it because I am heartless?

Uncle larry says call him tomorrow 713859xxxx. he will gladly talk to you he says if ur allowed a lawyer cousin kevin can fly up:)
from a 516 phone number, Friday, December 2, 5:05 PM EST

Smiley face, indeed! I love any opportunity to see Cousin Kevin, even if it's because I have been accused of a crime and need free legal defense.

Fyi. Tempe festival of arts of this weekend. Beer festival too.
from a 623 phone number, Friday, December 2, 5:39 PM EST

Apparently the Tempe Festival of the Arts "consistently ranks among the Top 200 art festivals in the nation." I'm going to assume that there are more than 200 art festivals in the nation, which means this is some pretty impressive shit. I would like to attend, personally-- I am terrible at making art, but quite excellent at spending money.

Happy roda!
pls let me know yes or no about leaf blowing
i'm bringing c to & from a playdate tomorrow & to Dan's at 6. Leafblowing in between oxm
from a 978 phone number, Friday, December 2, 9:29 PM EST

This text message has filled me with stress about being a homeowner and a parent. I never bring anyone to a playdate, and leaf blowing could not be farther from my mind. If I wanted to blow some leaves, I don't even know where I would begin.

Hey Leila i kno this is really last minute but we r lookin for a sitter from 7-11 tonight. Let me kno if ur free
from a 563 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 5:33 PM EST

That really depends on how cute your children are, and how many flavors of ice cream you keep in your freezer.

have you got your hair done yet?
from a 602 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 5:58 PM EST

Yup. I am ready for my night out on the town.

FWD: IT 2 SOMEBODY ELSE. LOL
from a 615 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:47 PM EST

No. I am not going to forward this to somebody else. One, because it's stupid. Two, because you didn't threaten me with suffering and lovelessness should I fail to forward this one. So I have no incentive here.

Also yesterday i had to take him to srprise caus he left his wallet......what a dork
from a 928 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:51 PM EST

Rick told me to tell you that his screen just froze up. He had been trying to tex you.
from a 928 phone number, Sunday, December 4, 11:56 AM EST

Is Rick the same person who is a 'dork' for leaving his wallet? And now his cell phone is freezing? Bad week for Rick.

Dude why is there a giant birthday card from you on my door... my birthday is in august...
from a 781 phone number, Sunday, December 4, 3:53 AM EST

Oh, shit. I thought it was a giant Christmas card that I taped to your door at 3:53 in the morning, which obviously makes a whole lot more sense. My bad.

I just hit deer fucked front of car up.... Busted light and radiator
? PUNK ?
from an 828 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 11:46 AM EST

But you know what? That is still better than the alternative, where you swerve to hit the deer and run into oncoming traffic. This is a piece of common wisdom for all you drivers out there: Slow down. Take the deer.

P.S. Apparently this does not apply to moose. Moose will do a lot worse than just bust a light and the car radiator. Slow down. Take the deer. But if you see a moose, just swerve and pray.

Your gay
from a 978 phone number, Sunday, December 4, 3:28 PM EST

You know how I know you're gay? 'Cause you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.

U guys should come over
from a 989 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 10:35 AM EST

Do you know where mom and dad are?
from a 989 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 2:15 PM EST

Hey Stevens coming to the Christmas party right
from a 989 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 12:20 PM EST

Because I was thinking Jake and Steven could have each other for secret Santa
from a 989 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 12:21 PM EST

Well, it's not really a "secret" Santa any more, now that the entire Internet knows, is it? So, thanks for that.

When do u want to skate
from a 917 phone number, Thursday, December 1, 7:04 PM EST

I am party rocking :)
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 6:29 PM EST

Waz up
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:12 PM EST

wat music do u like
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:13 PM EST

R u in jersey for the whole week end
from a 917 phone number, Friday, December 2, 8:34 PM EST

Me and anton r going to the karate clinic wat r u doing :)
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 11:51 AM EST

:) :( :[ :] :o funny faces
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 6:17 PM EST

Wat part in breaking dawn r u up to
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 6:43 PM EST

Do u like beiber
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 7:54 PM EST

Do u like mistletow by jb
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 7:58 PM EST

Sry about the BF thing
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 7:58 PM EST

Do u like mistetow by Jb???????
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:05 PM EST

wat r u doing
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:11 PM EST

i like u kind of but please dont kill me
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:13 PM EST

R u still their
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:17 PM EST

Wait but wat bout the first question
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:20 PM EST

Do u like me
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:27 PM EST

Its ok if u say no
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, December 3, 8:27 PM EST

Throughout all of the Justin Beiber/Twilight texts, I was assuming that 917 was a straight girl, so it came as quite a surprise when, after many days of texting, she/he suddenly starts hitting on Leila ("i like u kind of but please dont kill me"). How often has this happened to you, ladies: someone's like, "Yeah, I just want to listen to Z100 and paint my nails with you," and you're so sure you have this awesome new friend, when all along THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO GET IN YOUR PANTS.

Also, in case you missed it: "Mistletoe," as sung by Justin Bieber. The youtube video has close to 62 million views. I guess you probably didn't miss it.

Imma be under the mistletoe with you, shawty, with you.