b do u want me to maik out ur pols ?
MARLYS
from a 619 phone number, Thursday, February 19, 1:44 PM

Wait. Make out your what? I was hoping this was going to be a text about making out, but I don't think it is. I'm not positive, though.

hey did u eat lunch already 2dayam
from a 216 phone number, Thursday, February 19, 11:59 AM

No. It wasn't even noon yet. It was nearly noon, but not quite, and I am a big believer that the time has to be in the PM o'clock before I can eat lunch.

i like rita.
from a 510 phone number, Thursday, February 19, 1:00 AM

are you ok? ive sent lots of texts and no reponse makes me a bit worries. just let me know you are ok :p
from a 510 phone number, Thursday, February 19, 1:02 AM

Really? Because the only other text I saw from 510 is this one about liking Rita, that he sent two minutes before asking if Leila was okay. Plus, it was 1 AM. Perhaps Leila was, like me, asleep.

Regardless, I texted 510 back this morning so he would know there's nothing to worry about. Leila is probably fine.

I'm so excited for you! Please leave me a message tonight
from a 912 phone number, Wednesday, February 18, 8:19 PM

I am excited for Leila, too! I don't know why.

FWD: Love ya as my wife best friend lover my life miss u 2 much len
from a 215 phone number, Wednesday, February 18, 3:03 PM

Len. Please. If you had just deleted the "FWD:" at the beginning of this text, this would be so much more romantic! Your wife Leila would think you had come up with all this by yourself! Instead it just looks lazy, like sending her the very first Hallmark card that you happened to see at the Walgreens.

I wanna play
from a 646 phone number, Tuesday, February 17, 3:31 PM

Hey would you invite amanda over too
:]
from a 774 phone number, Tuesday, February 17, 6:02 PM

Who knew Tuesday was such a big evening for playdates?

AMBER ALERT!!!!!! 7 yr old girl just taken in Waverly TN..new silver pick up truck license plate 72B381..forward to everyone u know now please!!!
from a 901 phone number, Monday, February 16, 10:41 PM

The problem is, there are so many text message hoaxes that I really have trouble taking this message seriously. It might
be for real, but the odds are so stacked against it that, if I saw a silver pick-up truck sporting this license plate, I don't even know that I would do anything about it. Also, I just looked it up, and I couldn't find a listing for this Amber Alert. Is it sad that I have so little faith in people's truthfulness?

its gorgeous out
from a 646 phone number, Monday, February 16, 3:07 PM

646 is right around where I live, so I can vouch for the truth of this text. It was beautiful out at 3:07 PM. It's now 10:50 PM and it's cold as hell. But at 3:07, we were having a damn good day.

take a picture of faith and send to me
from an 865 phone number, Monday, February 16, 2:47 PM

Not when you don't even say "please"! You are not the boss of me!

Hey just to make sure its quarter to 1right?
from a 774 phone number, Monday, February 16, 11:16 AM

Actually, when you sent this, it was quarter past 11. So, no. But nice try.

Sooo...omg is tanner in juvy?
from a 719 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 10:59 PM

FWD::Fuzzy wuzzy waz a bear fuzzy wuzzy had no hiar fuzzy wuzzy waznt fuzzy wazzy?? SEND TO ALL OR F
from a 719 phone number, Monday, February 16, 2:13 PM

D.J. Tanner??? omg.

Also, this "fuzzy wuzzy" forward? Is dumb.

hey i got my phone back and i can go skating again by the way are you going skating tomorrow mariah
from a 609 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 8:09 PM

hey listen are u going skating today please text back asap as soon as possible kkkkk
from a 609 phone number, Monday, February 16, 10:20 AM

Actually, I did go skating today. It was great, even though my ankles now ache because I am out of shape. Are you glad to know that, 609 girl?

wat did i do then
i<3*chann*4ever
from an 812 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 11:55 AM

wat do u think i did if i wasnt watchin a movie
<3*chann*4ever
from an 812 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 12:04 PM

hi r u there
i<3*chann*4ever
from an 812 phone number, Sunday, February 15, 12:19 PM

Yeah, Leila, what DO you think 812 did if she wasn't watching a movie? Do you think she is covering up for MAKING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND? For GOING TO A PARTY YOU WEREN'T INVITED TO? For DOING HOMEWORK ON A SATURDAY NIGHT? I mean, dude, if she says she was watching a movie, just TRUST her, right?

This my new cp no. 415 xxx xxxx MUSTA NA DYAN DADI.
from a 415 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 10:07 PM

Can someone translate this for me, please? And is it dumb of me to think that "DADI" might translate to "daddy" without even knowing what language this is?

Also, I've never seen "cp" used as an abbreviation for "cell phone." I like it, though. Only two characters. Very parsimonious.

Hey wats up im not sharhondas friend anymore cause of wat she did at lunch on friday BABYYY
AJ........$?!%?=*~
from a 281 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 5:29 PM

Please note:

1. the vague pretense at interest in Leila's life ("Hey wats up") before launching directly into the real purpose of this message
2. the need to DECLARE that Sharhonda and AJ are no longer friends
3. the name "Sharhonda"
4. "BABYY"?
5. the contrast between the lack of punctuation throughout the message, followed by an ineffectual string of punctuation at the end

This test wins.

I sent an angel to watch over you last night. He came bak and said he doesn't watch porn. Thanks for traumatizing my fucking angel, u freak!
from a 201 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 4:15 PM

This is fairly original, as text forwards go, so props for that. However, it's a little weird that it doesn't have the word "FWD:" at the beginning. I can't imagine 201 just CAME UP with this and then texted it to Leila... but, I don't know, I guess all forwards have to start somewhere.

sorry bout that. you can send him home if u need to.M
from a 646 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 2:59 PM

hi. what's going on? did u eat? call me. :)
from a 646 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 6:16 PM

I don't think this will come through via blogger, but 646 actually puts two spaces between sentences. That's pretty weird. First of all, nobody uses two spaces any more when typing (except for old people who didn't hear that the industry standard has changed and then when I enter in copyediting changes I have to fix all their spacing and it's all this extra work for me). And even if you DID still hit the space bar twice between sentences when typing, why would you do that in text? Remember, you start with only 160 CHARACTERS. Don't waste them.

FWD: R u board
from a 440 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 2:16 PM

Ah, do you remember the halcyon days of childhood, when you had the liberty of being "board"? Nowadays, if ever I feel "board," I just go do some laundry or wash dishes or something, and the boardom goes away.

Hi, on my way home from NH should be over by 11:30. Let me know if you need anything
from a 617 phone number, Saturday, February 14, 10:06 AM

That's one of the great things bout New England: that you can drive from one state to another in less than an hour and half. Just TRY that, Californians!