Saturday, March 8, 2008

FWD: I love you for who you are. A person who means the world to me. If i dont get this back i understand. Send to ten people you dont regret meeting.
from a 734 phone number, Wednesday, March 5, 3:38 PM

Remember that chain text from last week that told me I had 20 minutes to tell ten people that I loved them? And I was like, "Wow, that's a lot of people to love"? Well, this chain text lowers the bar a ridiculous amount. "Send to ten people you don't regret meeting"? Like, "Send to ten people you don't outright hate"? "Send to ten people you don't actively want dead"? It's almost insultingly easy.
You better Work!!!
from a 617 phone number, Saturday, March 8, 2:31 PM

I probably know this person, since we're both from the 617 area code. Even if I don't ACTUALLY know them, I have probably seen them at the Whole Foods, or maybe we belonged to the same synagogue. They probably used to play soccer at my elementary school. That's just the way 617 works.
meet me at 6. bring the stuff. we gettin down tonight!
from a 540 phone number, Saturday, March 8, 11:45 AM

I imagine 540 thinks he's being all sneaky and subtle-- after all, he didn't say "bring the liquor," so if Leila's mother accidentally sees this text, she won't know what "stuff" her daughter is supposed to be bringing. Only here's the thing: 540 really ruins the secret when he follows up the vague word "stuff" with the sentence "we gettin down tonight!"

If I were Leila's mother, I would not trust 540 one whit. And if Leila was like, "Oh, no, Mom, by 'stuff' he means 'homework,'" I would laugh in her face.
are meeting for lunch today?
from a 571 phone number, Saturday, March 8, 11:26 AM

No. We're not.
FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Give me a nickname that only you can call me.. reply! And then send to everyone in your phone and see the different ones you get
from an 818 phone number, Friday, March 7, 8:56 PM

FUN GAME! Who comes up with these chain texts? This one is OFF THE HOOK!

I'm sorry I didn't text you back, 818, but my nickname for you is, um, 818. I guess that's not very creative, is it.
If u go to kc et me no my clippers r there i call them with a cc # ty
from a 609 phone number, Wednesday, March 5, 10:08 AM

Where is "kc"? What are your "clippers"? Like nail clippers? Are you in beauty school? But why would you call nail clippers? Especially with a "cc # ty," which, by the way, what is that?
hey u meet matt carle?
u have brandom g number

from a 408 phone number, Tuesday, March 4, 11:13 PM

408 is in California, so I just scoured facebook for a Matt Carle in the San Jose region. No luck. However there are, in case you were wondering, a lot of Matt Carletons and Matthew Carleys on facebook. (Though none of them are in the San Jose region, either.) Everyone knows that if you're not on facebook, you don't exist. So I'm going to say, No, 408, Leila did NOT meet Matt Carle-- he is just a figment of your imagination.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

the elephant ran over the clown yesterday
from a 631 phone number, Tuesday, March 4, 12:39 PM

Seriously? You should hang out with the "flowery elephants" girl from 914. Possible topics of conversation include
1, elephants
2. texting
3. your respective friends named Leila
Lst ngt was... weird. im sorry. pls dont tell her.
from a 914 phone number, Tuesday, March 4, 1:47 PM

This text is absolutely rife with possibilities, though, to be honest, I'm not sure what any of those possibilities are. I don't think that 914 guy drunkenly made out with Leila, even though he has a girlfriend. While that could explain "Lst ngt was... weird," as well as "pls dont tell her" (i.e. "my girlfriend"), "im sorry" wouldn't really make sense there. Unless he drunkenly made out with Leila AGAINST LEILA'S WILL, in which case my explanation could work.

Alternate explanations, please?
FWD: I luv you. You have 20 minutes to tell 10 people you lve them, (includin me). I love u!
from a 734 phone number, Tuesday, March 4, 3:57 PM

I'm not sure I can immediately think of 10 people I love, at least not without including entities like my cat, who, by the way, does not own a cell phone.
2 xboxes. One on rock band and one on GH3 ad maybe some DDR for the girls. Should be good times.
from a 518 phone number, Tuesday, March 4, 4:21 PM

Good times? Try GREAT times! Can I come?

Though I must say, I don't understand the implication that girls play Dance Dance Revolution but do NOT play Rock Band or Guitar Hero. You think all women are good for is dancing? We can't even play fake instruments?

Monday, March 3, 2008

Fwd:- Fwd: Life without you...Is like a broken pencil... IT HAS NO POINT! Send this to all your closest friends and me if I'm one.
from a 347 phone number, Sunday, March 2, 6:42 PM

347, you are probably one of Leila's closest friends. Really, I bet you are. You just have to trust that, even though she didn't send this message back to you. (But level with me here, 347: Was this message so awesome that you would have even WANTED to get it back?)
Hello how are you
from a 630 phone number, Monday, March 3, 8:11 AM

Pretty good, thanks, yourself?

Since this text is pretty boring, I'm going to take this space to reflect on a few things. First, I want to tell those of you who purposefully text me to say "I found your blog" that your text messages will not end up posted here. This blog is for misdirected texts. Your texts were properly directed (to me). Again, I will try to text you back, when possible, but it would be pretty weird and lame, NOT TO MENTION self-referential if this became a blog of text messages saying "I found your blog."

The second thing I want to reflect on is how glad I am that it's March, because I am very bad at typing the word "February." I know where the 'r's go and everything, it's just my fingers never work in that order. For every text message I posted here during the month of February, I think I always accidentally typed the date as Februayr. Thank goodness, welcome to March.
on a scale of 1 ta 13 how much did u like dat prom dress i tryed on yesterday?
from a 540 phone number, Monday, March 3, 2:49 PM

Approximately 7.5. But seriously, 540 girl, don't you think it's a little early to be trying on prom dresses? I know, I know, prom is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and you can never be too prepared, yada yada, but it's still three months away. I know BRIDES who don't get dresses this far in advance. What you lose a lot of weight before June? Or get pregnant?

Sunday, March 2, 2008

hi what you doing
from an 808 phone number, Saturday March 1, 11:31 PM

Trying to clean my room. It's a goddamn wreck in here. Though obviously I'm not trying very hard, since I'm mostly just updating my blog.
And what you doing?
You're a prostitute.
from a 978 phone number, Sunday, March 2, 12:55 AM

I was out with my friend Clare when I received this text message. Clare was like, "Oh my God, let me respond, please." So she texted back (on her own phone), "No, YOU are a prostitute."

978 then texted Clare back with something like, "No, you are."

Clare said, "Uh... this is a little weird."

I was like, "Yeah, welcome to the Leila Texts."
9.175 BARS
from an 865 phone number, Saturday, March 1, 8:13 PM

Further insights from that dude who's married to Leila and who has three kids named Jess, Matt, and something beginning with the letter "K." Or at least that's what I've decided he is.