Thursday, September 20, 2007

Salu on est entrain de manger
from a 702 phone number, Wednesday, September 19, 2:07 PM

I ran this message through Babelfish, French to English (although this may or may not actually be French). Babelfish translated the phrase as "Salu one is spirit to eat."

I can't decide if it makes more sense in English or in French. Maybe I should run it through again, like in Swedish to English, and see if that makes it any clearer.
Biscuits r not cute. We r feirce
from a 517 phone number, Thursday, September 20, 1:09 PM

Potential album titles for Leila's new electro-rock 'project'?
I need corporal punishment
from a 517 phone number, Thursday, September 20, 1:49 PM

This is a pick-up line from a sadomasochist. There is no question in my mind.
FWD: FWD: Me w/out you is like a camera w/ no flash, a car w/ no gas, a stripper w/ no ass & a pimp w/ no cash send 2 all your friends
from a 626 phone number, Thursday, September 20, 10:04 PM

Some B-average 10th grader out there is right now thinking, "Yes! I am a POET! Cell phone users across the nation are reading MY POETRY! I am like the POET LAUREATE of cell phones!"

Who are we to disabuse the poor tyke of her illusions?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Hey leila! Hows skool? I have not talk to u in a long time. Text me back k well ttyl
from a 949 phone number, Monday, September 17, 10:24 PM

This is sweet. It's nice to think that there's some mensch out there who's like, "You know who I like? Leila. Really it's a pity we've fallen out of touch. I think I'll just send her a text message, nothing too significant, no big gesture, just a nice note to let her know I'm thinking of her."

Sometimes my friends do this for me. Like send me postcards for no good reason, or facebook wall posts. Mostly it makes me feel guilty.

Of course, maybe this 949 person has some insidious intention, like really he has a crush on Leila and he has "not talk to u in a long time" because she is avoiding him. So this text is him trying to play it cool, as in, "Oh heeeey, long time, no see, I was just flippin' through my contacts list and, boom! There you were! Random! So, how's skool?"
from a 408 phone number, Tuesday, September 18, 7:16 PM

By now you've all heard my little rant against texts like this once, but SERIOUSLY. Was this really worth the ten cents it took to send it? It's true, Leila didn't text you back, 408 guy, because she didn't receive your text-- but it could have EQUALLY WELL been that she elected not to text you back because she had NOTHING TO SAY IN RESPONSE.

"hey." Sheesh. Could there BE less of a conversation starter?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Albert already decorated for my birthday. He said he doesnt have a sister to help him decorate. He did it nice!
from a 916 phone number, Wednesday, September 12, 1:02 AM

One thing I like about texting is that you can nearly always tell when someone uses predictive texting and when someone spells things out. The errors are different, for one. The abbreviations, too-- in predictive texting, it takes considerably more effort to type "bcuz" than "because." If this same text were written by a person who did not use predictive texting, it would look something like the following:

Albert alredy dedorated 4 my bday. he sed he doesnt hav a sister 2 helq him decorate. he did it nice!

Of course, both versions are equally easy to read. It's six of one, half-dozen of another, really.
If u can will u please take your granny to the toilet around 5 or 6 pm thank you mom. Let me know. Text me. We are suppose to be shopping but at movies.
from a 916 phone number, Saturday, September 15, 7:17 PM

I called this woman back, obviously. I mean, while I am on occasion heartless, I don't really want someone's grandmother to die from a bladder infection just because I couldn't get my act together to call a wayward text messager.

It impresses me how consequential the messages are that people will text to one another. I don't know why this impresses me; I, too, often use texting to convey important information. But I like to think that if a senior citizen's health were at stake, I would actually place a phone call.

No. I just thought it over. I probably wouldn't bother.