Can u sub for me tonite at navy 6:30-8
from a 410 phone number, Thursday, October 6, 2:44 PM EST

Presumably this is an Old Navy shift? I think if you are in the actual navy you can’t just ask someone to sub for you on your naval ship at war for an hour and a half.

This is Bs & Cs weather!
from a 616 phone number, Thursday, October 6, 5:21 PM EST

It’s true, in weather like this I don’t want to stay inside and study and get As. I want to go apple picking and frolic through leaves and get Bs and Cs!

Avoid him
The b3@$t
from a 662 phone number, Thursday, October 6, 11:42 AM EST

Wat u doing
The b3@$t
from a 662 phone number, Thursday, October 6, 12:14 PM EST

Hey wat u doing
The b3@$t
from a 662 phone number, Thursday, October 6, 1:20 PM EST

Still at wall greens
The b3@$t
from a 662 phone number, Thursday, October 6, 5:52 PM EST

Do you think someone else termed 662 “The Beast,” or is that a name that he gave to himself? It’s kind of self-aggrandizing to nickname yourself “The Beast.”

Hey u r hot
from a 704 phone number, Wednesday, October 5, 6:57 PM EST

This is the text message equivalent of a construction worker catcalling at you as you walk home from work.

do u mind txting me the top notch words
:]Lmfao[;
from an 845 phone number, Wednesday, October 5, 6:56 PM EST

Sure, well, there’s obviously antidisestablishmentarianism. That’s pretty top-notch. I’m into the word efficacious. Oh, onomatopoeia, that is a top notch word. Is this helping you any?

Ok so when are we hangin out hoe
from a 781 phone number, Tuesday, October 4, 5:46 PM EST

When will texters learn? “Hoe” is a gardening implement. “Ho” is a prostitute. You’re trying to call Leila a prostitute, not an object similar to a rake, right? Work on this.

Lol.. I’m at best buy and they need to hurry
from an 808 phone number, Friday, September 30, 11:46 PM EST

Clearly 808 has never been to a Best Buy before if she thinks it’s actually possible that the staff there might “hurry.”

What events are u swimming
from an 803 phone number, Wednesday, September 28, 5:24 PM EST

Me, personally? Well, the doggy paddle 30 yards, of course. Sidestroke 15 yards is one of my specialties, as is elementary backstroke 15. I’m kind of a competitor. No big deal.

Donut forget well wednesday money
from a 585 phone number, Saturday, September 24, 3:49 PM EST

I love that somewhere there is a phone that auto-corrects “don’t” with “donut.” Going forward, every time I’m about to say “don’t,” I’m just going to eat a donut instead.