Friday, June 6, 2008

Wala ako load. just send me texts...
from a 423 phone number, Thursday, June 5, 10:07 PM

Do you think this is another language, or do you think maybe it is one of those simple codes where you use one letter in place of another? Like if W = P, A = E, and L = T, then the first word means "Pete." That's not really what it means, though, because I just made that up.
chew why are you such a nerd. and a dork
from a 415 phone number, Thursday, June 5, 6:34 PM

Potentially this girl. She is the only Leila Chew I could find on Facebook or MySpace. I wonder if 415 is the other girl in her profile pic? It's more fun if we pretend she is.
Piss off you bloody arse. I'm watching Snatch without you. LAME!
from a 650 phone number, Wednesday, June 4, 11:14 PM

This one is for all you British readers out there, who read my blog without any understanding of what these texts mean. Phew, at last, here is one you can relate to.
FWD: Fwd:FW: 7pp90% of people marry their 7-12 grade sweethearts becuz u opened this u will b told sumthin 2nite. if u dnt 4wrd 2 10ppl u wil lose the luv
from a 706 phone number, Friday, June 6, 4:05 PM

Since I didn't have a 7-12 grade sweetheart, does that mean I have a 90% chance of dying a spinster?

Also: "lose the luv"? What does that mean? And, if I'm dying a spinster, is there really any luv there for me to lose?

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

fuck fuck fuck. dude, leila, they got a pic of my kissing steve. i am so fucking screwed now. wth should i do?? what if mike sees?
from a 415 phone number, Wednesday, June 4, 11:10 PM


Dear readers, I hope you all take away an important lesson here; namely: In this, the era of digital cameras, texting, and blogs, try not to cheat on your boyfriend. Secrets these days are so hard to keep... particularly when I'm putting them up on the Internet.
Why are you so mad at me
from a 425 phone number, Wednesday, June 4, 7:43 PM

I wonder if 425 will take my failure to respond as indication that Leila is so mad at him that she's not speaking to him. I hope not. Then again, maybe Leila IS so mad at 425 that she's refusing to speak to him, and I'm just helping her out here.
you have txting now
june 7,08

from a 951 phone number, Tuesday, June 3, 11:40 AM

Um, I have always had texting, actually. Maybe YOU have texting now?

And by the way, it's only June 3. As my mother tells me: Don't wish your life away.
Hi hon, how are you? sorry i didn' call you back i was so busy this weekend. talk to you soon, love.
from a 770 phone number, Tuesday, June 3, 11:11 AM

So sweet! And sent at 11:11, no less (a very lucky time).

Monday, June 2, 2008

FWD: FWD:FWD: FWD:Fwd: Be 100% honest... Who do u think I make a cute couple wit?(Reply) & keep this going and c how many names u get.
from a 706 phone number, Monday, June 2, 4:33 PM

This seems like an exercise in futility. Knowing who has a crush on you, or whom you have a crush on, is useful. But knowing that Leila thinks you would make a cute couple with, say, Jared is purely epistemological if you have no interested in Jared and he has no interest in you.

Furthermore, why would you NOT be 100% honest here? What would ever possess Leila to lie, like, "Um... Timothy! I think you and Timothy would make a SUPER-cute couple!" I am constantly stymied by text forwards.
Were u rilly hert
from a 631 phone number, Sunday, June 1, 2:21 PM

This is a level of phonetic spelling rarely achieved by anyone other than kindergartners at a Montessori school. Writing "rilly" saves you only one letter, so that's pretty lazy. And writing "hert" saves you zero, so that's just dumb.
Hey yr like realy cool and i love you yr freakhghhiig
from an 818 phone number, Saturday, May 31, 8:32 PM

Wait! Dammit! My ego had almost been boosted, but then this text message degenerated into a string of random incomprehensible babbling. You may love me, 818, but sadly that doesn't mean much if you can't end that sentence with an actual word.
all i have to say is: once again aslan saves another disastrous afternoon
from a 415 phone number, Friday, May 30, 10:26 AM

Other than the fact that 10:26 AM is not the afternoon, this is a near-on perfect text message. 415, can we be friends?
Heyy leila! Its me avia. Wats up?
from an 845 phone number, Thursday, May 29, 9:12 PM

Sorry, did you say "Avia"? As in "YoHomiezItsAvia"?

Just checking.
I cannot believe she said that! i didnt make out with her i swear to god!! AHHHHHHHHH!
from a 585 phone number, Thursday, May 29, 6:13 PM

i think she just does it for attention..whaat a biittchhhuhh!
from a 585 phone number, Thursday, May 29, 6:21 PM

Love it! By the way, claiming that someone made out with someone else when he did not is usually a losing proposition. As long as 585 is around to say, "No, I did not do that," it's pretty hard for the rumor to gain any credence.

Rumor mills are a lot more boring when you're an adult. I rarely make false claims that anyone made out with anyone else. It just doesn't seem worth it.