Thursday, May 31, 2012

Gonna go out on a limb here and say that Leila sounds like a bit of a fuckup.

To all of you who are in your last days of school: hooray! What are your summer plans?

Trick question: it's tie dye! Therefore it is all the colors of the rainbow.

"You guys will probably have a lot in common. You know, because you all have spouses."

Here's a hint: her phone number starts with "971."

Th joke is, he's not actually a captain. He's actually a first lieutenant.

Aww this is sweet. I really should have helped this person find a just-right birthday gift for Mona.

Okay, fine. You win the "who loves whom more?" contest. I only love you up until the moment of death, and after that probably not, because that would really depend on whether or not there is an afterlife, as well as whether said afterlife acknowledges the concept of "love." So, yes, you win.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

This brings me sadness, too. What has happened to John?

Okay, this party sounds legit. I am going to buy the hell out of a new J. Crew bikini, and then we are going to sit in lounge chairs and talk about our "true feelings" that we were never able to share during four years of high school.

CRAZY SHIT went down last night! For one, I cooked pasta! Also brushed my teeth AND used Listerine!

"Despite your highly acrimonious divorce, Daddy has agreed to drop your children off at your house one day out of the year, and that is on your birthday. It's just like joint custody. So, you'd better be home now."
Just keep saying "hey" every day or so. Eventually Leila is bound to reply. How could she not?