Tuesday, December 29, 2009

can u add me on myspace
from a 908 phone number, Tuesday, December 29, 8:30 PM

If you were ever wondering, "Who the heck still uses myspace?" the answer is: 908.
hey
-i'm not short, i'm fun-sized!

from a 423 phone number, Tuesday, December 29, 8:19 PM

This is political correctness gone awry. No, 423, you're not fun-sized. You're just short. It's okay; I'm not rosy-cheeked. I just turn bright red. None of us look perfect. It's fine.
heyy u there?
from a 774 phone number, Tuesday, December 29, 7:13 PM

r any of u people here!!!!! seriously!
from a 774 phone number, Tuesday, December 29, 7:14 PM

Just as soon as I get rid of MaYa, I become subjected to 774 chick. There is no rest for the weary.
how was it? all ok? hving a good time? lvu
ho ho ho happy holidays.
prema!

from a 740 phone number, Monday, December 28, 8:40 PM

Now that someone has suggested that Prema's Leila might be pregnant, I have a totally new perspective on this woman's texts.
Party pooper
from a 540 phone number, Monday, December 28, 4:41 PM

U have to rate me on hotness
from a 540 phone number, Monday, December 28, 6:01 PM

Do I? Do I have to?

Monday, December 28, 2009

this is gonna sound terrible, but would u do what we did last night with someone while we were together? cause even if we didnt kiss u know we did stuff
from a 203 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 10:26 PM

I love this text. This is amazing. Obviously, Leila is cheating on her boyfriend with 203-- well, maybe not quite cheating, since they didn't kiss, but they did do stuff. And 203 thinks this is great, only now it has occurred to him that if Leila would sort-of cheat on her boyfriend with him, then she might also someday sort-of cheat on him with someone else. That is the problem with cheating, folks!

So 203 is worried. And he wants to know if Leila would ever treat him as poorly as she's treating her boyfriend. And he wants to ask. But how? Can he sit down with her and have a conversation about it? No, too forward. Can he call her and ask her? Absolutely not-- how awkward. I know! (203 thinks.) I will TEXT her! That is the perfect way to get at the root of her feelings! There's no way she can lie or dodge the question in a 160-character text message!

I make this point all the time, but now I will make it again: The things people are willing to say in text messages!
U wanna stay the night tonite and feed babies???
from a 270 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 5:53 PM

Kayla said all her work clothes and shoes are locked in the apartment , she won't be in uniform.
from a 270 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 5:54 PM

The three question marks makes feeding babies sound really awesome, a la Tom Sawyer's fence-painting. But ultimately, no, 270, I'm going to pass on the baby-feeding. Sorry!
heyy gurl lol how was ur sleep ova
from a 774 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 12:26 PM

wuts ur cell phone number
from a 774 phone number, Sunday, December 24, 9:12 PM

u here?
from a 774 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 9:19 PM

keep texting me because my moms watching a scary show and i dont want to c it so keep texting me
from a 774 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 10:44 PM

heyy gurl
from a 774 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 10:48 PM

so wuts up and wut do u want to talk about?
from a 774 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 10:49 PM

i have to go to bed sorry bye!
from a 774 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 11:01 PM

774, please don't apologize for having to go to bed. Really, I have never been happier to see someone turn off her phone for the night.
I got u 20 dollars
from a 626 phone number, Saturday, December 26, 7:13 M

Gambling winnings?
how far along r u
ho ho ho happy holidays.
prema!

from a 740 phone number, Saturday, December 26, 5:33 PM

How far along is Leila in what? Maybe they are both reading the same book and Prema wants to know how far Leila had read?

Also, the ho ho ho thing? Getting a little creepy.
Im so sorry thats never happened to me before who would have thought hot sauce does that
from an 804 phone number, Saturday, December 26, 3:46 PM

hahaha who would have thought hot sauce does what? Love this text.
I love.my. phone. And u:-) :-) :-)
from an 847 phone number, Saturday, December 26, 12:38 AM

:-)
from an 847 phone number, Saturday, December 26, 12:53 AM

I bet Leila gave 847 a new cell phone for Christmas. That's a sweet gift. It's a pity 847 can't figure out how to use it.
RE: Fwd: MERRY CHRISTMAS. May the reason for the season be in your hearts today and always. I love you
from a 425 phone number, Friday, December 25, 11:33 AM

can u give me her #? and merry christmas
from a 425 phone number, Friday, December 25, 12:43 PM

hi what are u doing right now?
from a 425 phone number, Friday, December 25, 3:32 PM

Hi
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Friday, December 25, 4:20 PM

yes! the cosmos gave me a stoner roomie! REJOICE!!!11!11!
from a 425 phone number, Sunday, December 27, 10:32 PM

Guys. Here is what you have to understand here. This weekend I received five text messages from the 425 area code. AND NONE OF THEM ARE FROM THE SAME PHONE NUMBER. More to the point, only one of them is from MaYa! (I know, we thought MaYa had disappeared forever-- but, surprise! She has a slow learning curve.)

What is going on in Washington state?

At first I thought maybe these were all from MaYa, just using different phones. Like maybe her thought process was, "Clearly, texting Leila from my phone is not working. I know-- I'll try texting from Grandma's phone!" But look at the content: MaYa might say "hi what are u doing right now," but I doubt she'd forward on a chain text. Her messages tend to be boring, yes, but at least she always writes them herself. And she certainly wouldn't thank the cosmos for a stoner roommate. MaYa is a child. She doesn't know what stoners are.

So this means that multiple different people from Washington-- not a very populous state, I would like to add-- were texting Leila this weekend. The question is: Were they all texting the same Leila?
Wat r u doing tonite...and wat r u doing tomorrow
;) b3k@ ;)

from an 808 phone number, Thursday, December 24, 7:32 PM

Wat size r u s m l...
;) b3k@ ;)

from an 808 phone number, Thursday, December 24, 10:38 PM

Any linguist who worries that semi-colons are falling out of favor need look only to Becca's signature line to feel reassured.
in steam, shower, ceragem now. don racing around 4 xmas, & he gave me the usual remedies 4 repair, nothing will stop US!
from a 310 phone number, Thursday, December 24, 1:04 PM

Ceragem International, Inc. is the largest provider of high quality "Thermal Massagers" in North America, in case you were unaware. (I was unaware.) Otherwise, not really sure what's going on here. "The usual remedies for repair"?
what up bday girl! sorry i didnt know . my mom put my name on the flowers
from a 301 phone number, Wednesday, December 23, 6:57 PM

Look, if your mom has already put your name on a bouquet of birthday flowers to Leila, you might as well just claim credit. You're not morally obligated to be like, "Hey, Leila, I know it seems like I remembered to buy you a birthday present-- BUT ACTUALLY I DIDN'T."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Scooby stole the roasted turkey breast off the counter while I was at a Christmas dinner &he ate the whole thing! Not sick at all.Hope you r out&about.S
from a 303 phone number, Thursday, December 24, 2:27 PM

303 must be a very good pet owner, since I think many people's first reactions would not be, "Fortunately, Scooby is not sick." They would be, "FUCK YOU, dog, for eating all my fucking food!"

Though this text also reminds me to say-- merry Christmas! I hope that you all enjoy your holiday and that it is not ruined by your dogs eating your groceries.
I found the article w your dad in the ny times online. I'M SORRY I CONFUSED ISLAM AND ISREAL i.m a dumb ass now i know.
from a 510 phone number, Thursday, December 24, 12:45 AM

haha.

I assume 510 and Leila once had come long argument in which 510 kept saying, like, "Leila, your dad's homeland was established in 1948! Your dad is fluent in Hebrew! He is! Stop arguing with me!" And then 510 read that NYT article and was like, "Oops, sorry, Leila. Your dad is Islamic, not Israeli. I take it all back."

Speaking of the NY Times online, did you all see that time an NYT blog linked to this blog? This happened a few weeks ago, but I don't think I wrote about it at the time. God love the NYT.
where you at BITCH
i am the besttt!!!

from a 419 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 6:22 PM

I'm finding 419 a little too self-congratulatory today.
There is a wind warning out
from a 928 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 3:31 PM

928 is central and northern Arizona, apparently. Can someone in that neighborhood confirm or deny this text? I've heard of winter storm warnings, but wind warnings are not something we get, here on the East Coast.
I had a dream that you would be quiet
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:18 AM

are you thar
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:21 AM

Hi
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:29 AM

Hi
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:34 AM

Did you get my text
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:37 AM

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 22, 12:42 AM

The MaYa messages have been going on for nearly two months now-- here are the very first ones, if you want to relive the glory. I know some of you have been hoping I never respond to her, just so we can see how the whole MaYa thing ends. But here's the thing: It was never going to end. This was just going to go on forever, and it was never going to get any clearer or more fulfilling.

So I called MaYa back. The six boring texts in 25 minutes just made me crack. I dialed her number, and I was all raging, "I am going to put this girl in her place! I am going to ask her why the hell she has been texting Leila for TWO MONTHS even though she should know by now that it's NOT WORKING! I am going to..."

Only here's the thing, and we all could have seen this one coming: MaYa is a child. She really doesn't know any better. And I don't have it in me to be mean to a child.

I called her and the first time she sent me to voicemail (VOICEMAIL, MaYa??? After all we have shared-- VOICEMAIL?), but then I called again and she answered. I started out strong and kind of annoyed with a, "Hey, MaYa, this is Leila. I've been receiving all your texts that you've been sending to your friend Leila."

She just said, "Okay."

I said, "Did you know Leila wasn't receiving your texts?"

MaYa said, "Yes."

I said, "But you kept texting her anyway?"

MaYa said, "Yes."

And this was when I realized I was a stranger, calling up a child and bullying her. That's not cool. Don't do that. So I didn't ask her what the hell she was thinking. I just explained to her that she needed to pull up Leila's name from her contact list, and MaYa said "okay" and "yes" a few more times, and then I wished her good luck and hung up.

We may never understand why MaYa kept addressing text messages this way for the entirety of November and December, 2009. It will just be an unsolved mystery.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

hey..i screwed up, i meant we get paid new years eve. don’t know why i said x-mas eve..we just paid u ansd got paid last Thursday
from a 520 phone number, Monday, December 21, 8:25 PM

Right, because often people get paid on the 31st of the month, but rarely do they get paid on the 25th. What do I know, though. I have no idea what kind of job Leila works.
And i told him, u gata lick it b4 u stick it.
from a 718 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 11:12 PM

Sage words of wisdom that many people could stand to hear repeated more often.
how r u feeling?
ho ho ho happy holidays.
prema!

from a 740 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 2:18 PM

Uh, aren’t you Prema to most, Mom to 3? What happened to your kids, lady?
are yu goin to church this morning
from a 757 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 11:13 AM

No. But I did spend Sunday morning listening to Mariah Carey’s Christmas album, which is religious, kind of, in its own way.
I been sending the video you send me, everybody were cracking up…
from a 267 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 10:36 AM

Ooh, can you send it to me, 267? I love to laugh.
ur sexy biffle hey sexy biffle do you still want me to come over?
m<6

from a 571 phone number, Sunday, December 20, 10:19 AM

I didn’t want you to come over, but, now that you’ve called me sexy, I guess you have talked me into it.
Tuesday nite?
from a 270 phone number, Saturday, December 19, 11:20 PM

Will they lket me and u switch bout for a min . Jeffery is in the family room? Ask cuz I would like to talk to kayla
from a 270 phone number, Monday, December 21, 5:31 AM

Can u get summer something to snack on? Please. Ill pay u back
from a 270 phone number, Monday, December 21, 6:22 AM

This middle text confuses and interests me most. Who might not let Leila and 270 switch places so that 270 can talk to Kayla? Who even wields that sort of power, that they can be like, “No, 270, you may not come into the family room”? Plus, who’s Jeffery? Texts involving drama between the sender and recipient make sense to me, but once you start pulling in Jeffery and Kayla and Summer and “them,” I just get lost.
opps sorry didnt meen to send that again. and yeah tried to talk to shaun and didnt work out. so im not going to worry about it anymore
frm a 530 phone number, Saturday, December 19, 12:22 AM

Theories: What didn’t work out with Shaun that 530 is now not going to worry about anymore?
Hi hi hi wig hi hi hi hi hi
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Friday, December 18, 11:03 PM

I will never understand this girl and I have given up trying.
Hello
Testing my tex

from a 605 phone number, Friday, December 18, 7:45 PM

U have exam next wk
from a 605 phone number, Friday, December 18, 8:59 PM

Sory I took your car to put gas
from a 605 phone number, Monday, December 21, 8:05 AM

Hey, 605, go for it. Anytime you want to put gas in my car, that is totally cool with me. But as for the “testing my tex” bit—you may want to keep working on that part.
don’t forget business offf ice.
from a 912 phone number, Friday, December 18, 4:50 PM

At first I thought 912 was encouraging Leila to pursue business ventures off ice, as opposed to her usual focus of on-ice business… but it now occurs to me that 912 may have meant “business office.”

Friday, December 18, 2009

Enjoyed talking to you! Please call again soon so we can continue. U coming down here? I love you more.....
from a 505 phone number, Tuesday, December 15, 4:32 PM

Oh and this is emily txting from kaitlyn s fone
I love lulu

from an 805 phone number, Tuesday, December 15, 6:17 PM

I wanted to be the first to say i love you
from a 503 phone number, Thursday. December 17, 9:36 AM

Lots of people loving lots of Leilas recently. Must be the holiday spirit.
I want both of my girls to put their trust in God not man. If tou both have read Luke chapter 5 vs 1~10 u will understand. I love you both so much.
from a 575 phone number, Thursday, December 17, 6:53 AM

This doesn't make me think of the Bible. It makes me think of David Bowie.

In case you were wondering, here's Luke chapter 5 vs 1~10. Take away from this, you know, whatever seems relevant.

5:1 Now Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, and the crowd was pressing around him to hear the word of God. 2 He saw two boats by the lake, but the fishermen had gotten out of them and were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, and asked him to put out a little way from the shore. Then Jesus sat down and taught the crowds from the boat. 4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and lower your nets for a catch.” 5 Simon answered, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing! But at your word I will lower the nets.” 6 When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets started to tear. 7 So they motioned to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both boats, so that they were about to sink. 8 But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” 9 For Peter and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, Zebedee’s sons, who were Simon’s business partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching people.” 11 So when they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him.
hey... i heard you know about mona vie. would you be interested to come check it out? <310. 03. 09<3
from a 253 phone number, Thursday, December 17, 3:04 AM

Apparently Monavie is an acai berry juice blend, so I'm not sure what there is to "come check out," especially not at 3:04 AM, unless "mona vie" is really code for something else.
idnt know about us anymore if ur already lieing thats a big prb idnt know if im going to stay wit u i got alout to
from a 312 phone number, Wednesday, December 16, 9:02 PM

WINNER: best text of the week. I think all our relationships would be a lot more straightforward if we would just text our significant others to say "I don't know about us anymore."

I just ignored it when I got this text, but I'm now realizing I really should have written back. As far as 312 is concerned, he tried to break up with Leila, and she just never replied. Okay, now I feel a little bad.
hey its sam wut is up playa jk
from a 541 phone number, Wednesday, December 16, 6:18 PM

Is Sam "just kidding" about calling Leila a playa because actually she is reasonably prudish, or is he "just kidding" about wanting to know wut is up?
What u want for xmas
from a 251 phone number, Wednesday, December 16, 1:26 PM

251 and MaYa should just text back and forth and leave me out of it.
8.012. IHTFP. :(
from a 214 phone number, Tuesday, December 15, 10:12 PM

Just guessing here: I Hate This Fucking Problem? Like if 8.012 were a problem at the end of chapter 8 in a textbook?
What time are u going to be here
from a 270 phone number, Tuesday, December 15, 5:25 PM

FWD: FW:|After careful consideration, I have decided to renew your friendship contract for 2010. I kinda like your dumb ass so don't fuck up.
from a 270 phone number, Thursday, December 17, 4:36 PM

Sissy what's wrong?
from a 270 phone number, Thursday, December 17, 11:17 PM

"Sissy, what's wrong"? I don't know, maybe that you sent her a lame text forward? Could that be it?
Good night and i am not going to sleep with you
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 15, 12:29 AM

I should hope MaYa is not going to sleep with Leila! Since everything we know about MaYa so far indicates that she is roughly 12 years old.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

aye ur party is on thursday night?
from a 650 phone number, Monday, December 14, 1:17 PM

aye send me a pic of u please... :)
from a 650 phone number, Wednesday, December 16, 1:26 AM

white zin?
from a 650 phone number, Wednesday, December 16, 3:09 PM

I googled "Leila Aye," and came up with an intriguing bebo profile from a guy who seemed to say something like, "leile aye I couldn't live without you." But when I clicked on the link to see if this guy really was connected to these text messages, his bebo page was so weighed down with Slayer videos and werewolf games that it crashed my Internet. So he may or may not have anything to do with this Leila. But I still hate him.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Hope youre alright babe
from a 949 phone number, Sunday, December 13, 2:38 AM

Dang it i ipened my phone resend
from a 949 phone number, Sunday, December 13, 3:56 PM

Sooo ive been getting those weird texts again...
from a 949 phone number, Sunday, December 13, 5:07 PM

Seriously, guy? Do not even TALK to me about getting weird texts.
hey its same umm i think one of ur friends called me yesterday
from a 541 phone number, Sunday, December 13, 3:29 AM

Which friend, though? This seems like useless information if Leila doesn't know which friend.
Leila
from a 540 phone number, Saturday, December 12, 4:59 PM

Yes? I'm right here...
ill text u later cez tay crying ok bye
from a 915 phone number, Saturday, December 12, 4:07 PM

Oh, dear. I hope Tay stopped crying soon!
What do u want me to do with ur candy that was sent to u
from a 270 phone number, Friday, December 11, 8:52 PM

A very subtle way of asking, "Can I eat your candy?"
Fuego putthro
from a 913 phone number, Friday, December 11, 12:50 PM

"Fire..." something that looks like a misspelled word and I am not fluent enough in Spanish (?) to parse it.

The first word is definitely "fire," though.
Hi Wut Do you wont from santa
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Thursday, December 10, 8:52 PM

We've already been over this. Maybe MaYa keeps asking because she is waiting for Leila to text her back to ask, "Wut Do YOU wont from santa, MaYa?"
thank goodness your my friend
from an 808 phone number, Thursday, December 10, 8:37 PM

i dont want to get u involved i am just mad ok please forgive me
from an 808 phone number, Thursday, December 10, 8:44 PM

Intense friendship drama here. Sounds like high school to me. I would hope Leila forgives 808, since 808 is so thankful that Leila is her friend.

Okay, maybe people do use the word "thankful" on days other than Thanksgiving, after all. Guess I kind of negated that point.
ur not thankful?
from a 312 phone number, Wednesday, December 9, 6:08 PM

This is kind of weird-- I feel like people don't often use the word "thankful" on days other than Thanksgiving.
do you know someone named anne?
from a 505 phone number, Wednesday, December 9, 1:46 PM

Yes. But I think many people know people named Anne, so I'm not sure why you're asking.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Ignorethis
from a 505 phone number, Wednesday, December 9, 11:10 PM

Right, guys. Ignorethis. Just pretend like you never read this blog, mmkay?
Hi Im tired what do you think santa will bring you
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, December 8, 10:08 PM

I know I hate on MaYa a lot, but sometimes I get texts like this and I feel kind of fondly toward her.
I'm sorry I'm not feeling good. Wish I was
from a 270 phone number, Tuesday, December 8, 8:09 PM

i am ok honey. dr. just thinks i slept on my arm wrong. have fun doig good.
from a 415 phone number, Wednesday, December 9, 12:26 PM

Lots of aches and pains out there in the world of Leilas' friends today. Must be flu season. And sleep-on-your-arm-wrong season.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

U gonna be out later
from a 540 phone number, Tuesday, December 8, 3:35 PM

Can u come back outside i be there at the hill in two min
from a 540 phone number, Tuesday, December 8, 5:38 PM

When I got this first text, I thought 540 meant like out out-- you know, like out partying. But the second text made me realize she just meant "outside." I don't know what happens in this social scene outside, or why you would want to make sure beforehand that Leila will be there. I guess everyone has different afterschool activities.
Did you I'm me? I think I saw it but I had already clicked turnoff
from a 562 phone number, Tuesday, December 8, 2:44 PM

If you think the difference between "your" and "you're" is complicated, don't even try the difference between "I'm" and "instant message."
I have Marriott's 20% disc if you include my name in the bill. Let me know..also they will need the acct.#.
from a 702 phone number, Monday, December 7, 10:47 PM

I have Marriott's 20% disc if you include my name in the bill. Let me know..also they will need the Verizon acct. #.
from a 702 phone number, Tuesday, December 8, 4:04 PM

This is almost the exact same text message sent twice, nearly a full day apart. The only difference between the first and the second version is the inclusion of the word "Verizon." It's like 702 wondered, "Why hasn't Leila let me know yet? Wait, I bet it's because I didn't specify that I meant the Verizon acct. #! I will fix that right away!" What a shock that Leila still hasn't replied, huh?

Monday, December 7, 2009

leila amoo jan nobari will pick you and katie up at three tirty calll me important for time
from a 781 phone number, Monday, December 7, 12:35 PM

Apparently "amoo" means "uncle" (why this is in Urban Dictionary is beyond me-- it's Farsi, guys, not street slang). So I guess this means that Uncle Jan Nobari will pick Leila and Katie up. If Leila ever gets her act together to call 781, which, face it, she won't.
Hailey-tell the girls to smile big. The other girls e not doing that. Show lots of spirit too. Some of the other teams r not doing that.
from a 904 phone number, Monday, December 7, 10:44 AM

Cheerleading competition?
hey wat up leila ps it is me leila sending u this from auntys
from an 808 phone number, Sunday, December 6, 8:31 PM

Meta.
Last year I spent 3 to 4 days looking for you hoping to find you and make it look like a coincidental meeting. I thought you would want to know.
from a 626 phone number, Sunday, December 6, 4:31 PM

I love this text message! This text message is perfect and I wouldn't change anything about it. 626, you were right: I would want to know.
This is Stacey ... testing to see if you get this.
from a 310 phone number, Sunday, December 6, 3:07 PM

I assume this isn't from my friend Emily, even though she dressed up as Stacey McGill for Halloween this year. Because then she would have addressed her text to C-L-A-U-D-I-A, not to L-E-I-L-A. Yes, we're friends and babysitters from the 00s who dressed up as friends and babysitters from the 80s. So what.
Sis . I can't come miranda just called I gotta go, gotta meet jen at north marshall to get kids.
from a 270 phone number, Saturday, December 5, 10:43 PM

Did u get my last message
from a 270 phone number, Saturday, December 5, 10:46 PM

Nope. She did not get your last message.
328 8th ave. N Auburn, WA 98001
from a 206 phone number, Saturday, December 5, 4:26 PM

2900 nutley st fairfax
from a 716 phone number, Sunday, December 6, 12:33 PM

According to google, the first one is just a home address. The second one appears to be the location of a park and ride facility. Ah, addresses! What fun.
do i pick u up or???
Prema to most , mom to 3

from a 740 phone number, Friday, December 4, 4:15 PM

If we judged exclusively from this woman's text messages, we would conclude that she is a mom to 3 but that her ENTIRE LIFE revolves around those three kids. I guess she must have a daughter named Leila, since the only thing she ever texts me is like, "When should I pick you up?" or "Am I picking you up?"
my grandmother was leila.
from a 609 phone number, Friday, December 4, 10:41 AM

That's such a weird coincidence, that your grandmother was named Leila, and this girl you're trying to text is named Leila, and I am named Leila... That's a surprising number of Leilas implicated in this message!
hi
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Thursday, December 3, 10:47 PM

I do not now
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Monday, December 7, 1:06 AM

I am going to start a spin-off blog. And it's going to be called The MaYa texts. And it is going to be the most boring blog in the world.

The next time this girl texts me, I am going to call her back. I swear. I'm going to do it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

do i have you on yr knees?
from a 301 phone number, Thursday, December 3, 5:40 PM

What is this, textsex? For when even cybersex is a little too immediate?
Im 12 and what is this?
from an 847 phone number, Thursday, December 3, 3:58 PM

"I'm 12, okay? Practically an adult. So you can't pull the wool over my eyes. What is this?"

Unfortunately, I also don't know what this is.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

As an aside, I should mention that the Leila Texts has been named one of PC Magazine's favorite blogs of 2009. An enormous compliment, especially as that places this blog in the same company of Boing Boing and Buzzfeed. And PC Mag's list doesn't even include Gawker, implying (at least to me) that the Leila Texts are probably way more socially relevant than Gawker could ever dream of.

Thanks, PC Magazine people!
Are you going? I got sextractor running.
from a 203 phone number, Wednesday, December 2, 3:00 PM

Either 203 is very horny, or he has named his car "Sextractor," and I can't decide which is funnier.
Leila I love u and I'm not trying to be ugly, but before u try to set kayla up with another man , he needs to have a place to live, or u have one 4 her
from a 270 phone number, Wednesday, December 2, 1:31 PM

Cuz I can't handle her drama here anymore and I WON'T! I'm not mad at u so don't take this wrong. I just can't have her back here!!!!
from a 270 phone number, Wednesday, December 2, 1:32 PM

I'm not exaggerating when I say that messages like this are what we live for, here at the Leila Texts. Leila and 270 conspiring to set Kayla up with a man-- provided he has a place for her to move into. That is my number-one criterion in guys, too.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

hey sexy
from a 614 phone number, Monday, November 30, 1:18 AM

I consider late on Sunday night to be an inopportune time for booty texts, but what do I know; I work at 9 AM on Mondays.
-MaYa-
from a 425 phone number, Sunday, November 29, 1:41 AM

Thank you
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Sunday, November 29, 1:43 AM

Hi
-MaYa-

from a 4256 phone number, Sunday, November 29, 6:09 PM

Every time I hear from MaYa, I think her texts cannot get any more boring, yet then they DO! Like the first text she sent here which was just her NAME! I should really write back and let her know that the JIG IS UP.
how long do u guys plan to bowl?
Prema to most, mom to 3

from a 740 phone number, Saturday, November 28, 8:03 PM

From this lady. Thanks to comments, we now know that Prema is a common name in India. Even knowing that, I still find this kind of a weird sig line.
u should stop @ wells fargo @ safeway 2 sign a bank paper. see Mehdi. from claude
from a 415 phone number, Saturday, November 28, 5:52 PM

This seems kind of sketchy and encoded. Not least because banks aren't open at 5:52 PM on Saturdays.
Hey Leila! I miss you already! Is Bryce going to the party tonight?Yasmine
from a 406 phone number, Saturday, November 28, 3:27 PM

I don't know who Bryce or Yasmine is, but I do admire the impeccable capitalization and punctuation in this text!
is the movie over yet?
from a 402 phone number, Saturday, November 28, 12:51 AM

plz say yes ur home. i want to stop worrying bout u (only cuz i lov u) n go 2 sleep
from a 402 phone number, Saturday, November 28, 1:13 AM

What do we think is going on here? Clingy boyfriend? Neurotic mother?

Other important question: When someone texts that they "lov u," is that real love? Is it more real than "luv"? Does it count as "the L word"?
hey i may be running to best buy and ann cant come out still havent
from a 518 phone number, Friday, November 27, 6:41 PM

still havent heard from lisa but how about i call u in a little while
from a 518 phone number, Friday, November 27, 6:43 PM

Some things we know:

1) 518 may be running to Best Buy
2) Ann can't come out
3) Lisa can maybe come out, but 518 hasn't heard from her yet
4) 518 will call Leila in a little while, like after she has gone to Best Buy, or after Lisa calls

What we don't know:

1) Where are they going out to?
2) Will it be fun there?
3) Am I invited?
It's snowing!
from an 860 phone number, Friday, November 27, 4:27 PM

Heading to kansas city from st louis...listening to a great gospel radio station:)
from an 860 phone number, Sunday, November 29, 10:29 AM

Dinner=shrimp and oyster gumbo...and catfish and crawfish etoufee :)
from an 860 phone number, Tuesday, December 1, 9:41 PM

I can't believe I missed snow! I guess I can go without the great gospel radio station and the shrimp and oyster gumbo, though. I think this Intended Leila and I don't have that much in common.
Also forgot pickles look 4 Them xMas Eve
from a 218 phone number, Friday, November 27, 11:29 SM

Is "find the pickles" a common Christmas Eve game? I have never played before.
werlein Can go px in pm
from an 847 phone number, Thursday, November 26, 9:09 PM

No idea. It is from this person, and I didn't understand what she meant in her last two texts, either, so I guess this is just par for the course.
Boys It is 9 o clock right now
from a 503 phone number, Thursday, November 26, 12:51 AM

Man, that is discipline! Your kids not coming home by curfew? Set them straight with a fiercely worded, minimally punctuated text message!
mom were r the yams
from a 562 phone number, Wednesday, November 25, 1:18 PM

Lemmi! I missed our connection either standby tonite or fl. tomorrow am.
from a 912 phone number, Wednesday, November 25, 5:44 PM

hey, leila... plane landed at 6 and it's been a while. I tried to call. Are you still picking me up?
from a 713 phone number, Wednesday, November 25, 9:08 PM

Happy Thanksgiving Day:.
from a 718 phone number, Thursday, November 26, 8:18 AM

Here is a sampling of what Thanksgiving was like this year for four different friends of Leilas. Missing yams, travel hassles, texts sent at 8:18 in the morning... Can you now understand why I spent last week in a foreign country?
Hey where r u and wats 4 din
Beastmode777

from an 843 phone number, Tuesday, November 24, 7:50 PM

I had always thought the Mark of the Beast was 666, not 777? No?
Two souls but with a single thought two hearts that beat as one ^^
from a 770 phone number, Thursday, November 19, 9:19 PM

All right team, we are back, and we start out with a quote that Google attributes alternately to Keats, Von Munch-Bellinghausen, and others, but which I personally think sounds like lyrics from a Stacey Q song.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I'm going out of the country tomorrow and won't be back for a week. That means NO LEILA TEXTS. Until after THANKSGIVING. I know it's hard, but I think you can manage. Use this Thanksgiving as an opportunity to connect with your family. And if that doesn't work out for you, there are two and a half years of Leila Text archives to keep you busy.

See you all in December!
thouh u may not hear it often. you re loved and appreicated hapi bday
from a 714 phone number, Wednesday, November 18, 7:42 PM

BURN. This feels like an underhanded compliment to me. "You're loved and appreciated... though probably no one ever tells you that..."
are you at foothill? if you are here, you can met me at lab?
from a 408 phone number, Wednesday, November 18, 1:56 PM

I hope Leila meets 408 at the lab, and then he sweeps in and says dramatically, "You may wonder why I asked you to meet me here," and then he reveals some super-secret and life-changing scientific discovery.
leila JUST TEXT ME
from a 408 phone number, Tuesday, November 17, 6:56 PM

NO.
Happy Birthday Baby left u msg @ 836 the best minute in my life.
from a 562 phone number, Tuesday, November 17, 12:04 PM

Maybe this is from Leila's mom, and 8:36 was the time when Leila was born? My mom is very into calling me at the moment when I was born.
werlein Paula me llamo anoche dijo que nadie no le llamo a ella ayer pues no podia ver a todas nosotras!
from an 847 phone number, Monday, November 16, 11:08 AM

werlein How many mints? i have 8 boxes u may have. cost 699 each. nice price
from an 847 phone number, Wednesday, November 18, 8:25 PM

Ahem. Allow me.

"Paula called me last night and said that nobody called her yesterday so she cannot see all of us!"

Make sense now?

As for the Wednesday text: No idea.
We should chhill tommRow
from an 802 phone number, Sunday, November 15, 1:25 AM

Should we, are you sure? Is that really our moral obligation?
I have to go early to see mom. I should be home by 11 30 12 00. I will call u in the morning. Xoxo
from a 301 phone number, Saturday, November 14, 9:54 PM

Where does Mom live, and why isn't Leila going to see her, too? Irresponsible daughter.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Hol.a
from a 949 phone number, Saturday, November 14, 7:28 PM

Well hello there was the movie scary
from a 949 phone number, Saturday, November 14, 9:26 PM

949 just wants to chat. "Hola. Well hello there. I was just texting to... you know... hey."

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Hey sara is not mad at me
Babe no babe

from a 425 phone number, Friday, November 13, 8:40 PM

I'm glad to hear that. But is Sara mad at Leila?
did u find the field ok. we looked for u. Bill got lost. Nan xo
from a 207 phone number, Friday, November 13, 8:18 PM

I'm just picturing Nan, Bill, Leila, and maybe others wandering around some vast outdoor arena, unable to find huge fields, or each other, or their home. Trapped outside for days, with only their cell phones linking them to safety. Seriously, what is going on here?
are you almost here
from a 915 phone number, Thursday, November 12, 10:01 PM

what do you want for dinner!
from a 915 phone number, Friday, November 13, 7:31 PM

I'm easy. Bread would be great. Water, if you have it. Don't panic.
FWD: Salam Ghada. Alhamdulilah we're doing well. Just sleep deprived. :-) address is 10797 garden ridge ct., davie, fl 33328
from a 937 phone number, Thursday, November 12, 2:25 PM

Apparently, this is the address for a doctor. Not sure what the words at the beginning mean, though a variation on "Leila" appears to be in there...
still in our dog park. More kids than I have ever seen here. Dad will call or text when ready to leave.
from a 323 phone number, Wednesday, November 11, 5:49 PM

Why are there so many kids there on a Wednesday? Shouldn't they be doing homework? Why, in my day...
what's your menu choice for your birthday & when do you want to have it?
from a 562 phone number, Wednesday, November 11, 2:23 PM

My menu choice is chocolate. And I want to have it on my birthday. And EVERY DAY!
Are your girls coming home for your dads party
from a 219 phone number, Tuesday, November 10, 2:24 PM

Courtney is pregnant
Shelli

from a 219 phone number, Wednesday, November 11, 7:53 AM

Lots o' family drama going on here. I think once you and your friends start having kids, the content of your texts changes dramatically.
Hi We are on a seceret mishin so we can not see echuther but we talk to echuther
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Monday, November 9, 10:14 PM

This is the longest text I have ever received from MaYa, and I have to say, it is so much more engaging than her usual messages! There's actually something to WORK with here!
I was txtn her like 10 mins ago but then I just txt her bout she didnt txt u lik u tld me
from a 917 phone number, Monday, November 9, 7:59 PM

Maybe she didn't text Leila like Leila told 917 because 917's messages are COMPLETELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE and she didn't even understand that she was supposed to respond?
leila bring me my ipod! pleaseeeee
from a 425 phone number, Monday, November 9, 10:37 AM

Never lend out your iPod. It only ends in situations like this.
whats yr plan? we will b gone till abt 230.
Prema to most, mom to 3

from a 740 phone number, Sunday, November 8, 10:26 AM

r u awake? txt me what u need from store i will drop it off to u
Prema to most, mom to 3

from a 740 phone number, Friday, November 13, 11:10 AM

I do not get this woman's sig line. She has three kids and... her nickname is Prema? What kind of nickname is that?
Leilach
from a 301 phone number, Saturday, November 7, 12:12 PM

When in the course of human events. Four score and sevenyears ago:-) :-)
from a 301 phone number, Saturday, November 7, 5:28 PM

301 seems perhaps to be conflating two different speeches... Or, more likely, she's giving examples of classic opening lines.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

FWD: Im home r u coming over? I haue to work tomorro and julie is taking sats
from a 774 phone number, Friday, November 6, 9:19 PM

Good luck on the SATs, Julie! You can do it!

Monday, November 9, 2009

^0^ FWD: (2/2) ppl in 53 mins some 1 will say i love u lflip2volleybal
from a 919 phone number, Friday, November 6, 8:58 PM

^0^ hey gurly what r u doing
VoLLeYbALL LOVeR! <3

from a 919 phone number, Friday, November 6, 9:02 PM

919 hasn't quite yet mastered the consistency of sig lines, but one thing remains clear throughout the various iterations: She really loves volleyball.
25 to 20 us :) makell had another good serving run
from an 801 phone number, Friday, November 6, 4:44 PM

This is obviously about a sports match, and Makell is clearly an athlete on "our" team. But what team is that? The most common Makell to come up on Google (at least with a sports affiliation) is this guy. Except he is a high school football player in Maryland, so why would some kids in Salt Lake City be texting about him? So then I googled "Makell Utah" and came up with this girl, and I cannot even tell from this webpage what sport she plays, but it appears to be soccer, which does not involve "serving runs" so far as I know.

I love when the Leila Texts give me key pieces of athletic knowledge that I can then naturally work into conversation and come off as more well-informed than I actually am. But this one is not helping.
mi amigo no me creia "L@ Tr0ch@" "L.T."
from an 860 phone number, Wednesday, November 4, 11:40 AM

This person appears to be named La Trocha, which means "The Trail"-- very common nickname among Spanish-speakers, The Trail. The rest of it means "my friend did not believe me," but on what, and why, remains unclear. Perhaps The Trail is known as a habitual liar.
we over on mins by 20 mins only have one more day so you know what that mean.
from a 205 phone number, Tuesday, November 3, 9:44 PM

No, actually; I have no earthly idea what that mean. Enlighten me.
Happy early birthday machky and i hope you have the greatest birthday ever44'":=
from an 850 phone number, Tuesday, November 3, 7:49 PM

No idea what the emoticon on the end there signifies, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was supposed to look like, I don't know, birthday cake and balloons.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Screw you, sexy fucking bitch
GaNgtsA yO!

from a 571 phone number, Monday, November 2, 9:54 PM

I think this guy is confused, in that he is both complimenting ("sexy") and criticizing ("fucking bitch") Leila, and also he has misspelled the word "gangsta."
hi Wut are you doing
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Monday, November 2, 8:09 PM

Hi We are going to dizney on ice
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Friday, November 6, 8:20 PM

MaYa, I am starting to be so over you, with your uninteresting texts and your interpretive spelling all the time.
hi aunt can u plz email me aunt mae's new address?
from a 440 phone number, Sunday, November 1, 5:21 PM

440 obviously has a closer relationship with Aunt Mae and Aunt Leila than I have with any of my aunts. It would generally not occur to me to text or to email them.
can you and bridget give me a call please.
from 301 phone number, Sunday, November 1, 4:22 PM

I guess I could, but that sounds ominous...
ack! daniel just told me! i will hopefully be ready. maybe345
from a 425 phone number, Saturday, October 31, 5:03 PM

carpool again? ill get another pm parking pass again too
from a 425 phone number, Monday, November 2, 11:21 AM

I cannot understand why, but this first text was the only Leila Text I received on Halloween. Isn't Halloween like one of the biggest texting days of the year? I received like 80 texts over the course of the evening from my actual friends, all trying to make plans and find one another. Are all other Leila just better planners than me or something?

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I LOVE YOU MOMMY
from a 915 phone number, Friday, October 30, 5:55 PM

So sweet!
hey, sorry. i had a girlscout meeting. Whats up?
from a 973 phone number, Friday, October 30, 5:24 PM

I hope this was a successful meeting, in which 973 served God and her country, helped people at all times, and lived by the Girl Scout Law.
Anser leila
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Thursday, October 29, 8:27 PM

Hi
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Thursday, October 29, 9:57 PM

Hi i am playing LPS
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Friday, October 30, 7:18 PM

Hi wut are you doing
-MaYa-

from a 425 phone number, Friday, October 30, 7:21 PM

How can one girl send so many text messages without a single one of them being interesting??
Are you girls walking tomarow night or what? Hah, I'm a texting junkie now!
from a 208 phone number, Tuesday, October 29, 12:04 AM

Oh, I don't think you're really a texting junkie, 208. Trust me, I have seen texting junkies in action. They text Leila ten times an hour. That is not you. Not yet.
i put the movie in your purse, please return today
Charley

from a 601 phone number, Wednesday, October 28, 7:36 AM

Yeah, or else there will be overdue fines! And then Leila and Charley will have a FIGHT!
hey, wut don't u like?...lol...i need more sentences!
from a 781 phone number, Tuesday, October 27, 3:39 PM

This sounds to me like 781 had to interview Leila in French class today, and now her homework is to write up some French sentences about what Leila likes and does not like. Only they spent all of class dicking around (as you do, when your assignment i to work in pairs), so now 781 has to text Leila to find out what the heck she should include in her homework.

That is probably the most parsimonious explanation.
got your voicemail. stuck in a classroom. i will bring leila's fins to hood. traffic will suck driving home in the rain...
from a 301 phone number, Tuesday, October 27, 3:25 PM

It confuses me when Leila Texters refer to Leila in the third person. Why not just say "I will bring your fins to hood"? For that matter, why does Leila have fins in the first place?
Need to get your truck done before you wreck what was just done
from a 410 phone number, Tuesday, October 27, 9:19 AM

410 really doesn't have much faith in Leila's driving skills, does he?
i loooooooooooove you guys, i have a tournament a soccer tournament
from a 423 phone number, Monday, October 26, 6:13 PM

"A tournament? What kind of tournament? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Oh, wait-- hold up-- she has qualified this statement! A SOCCER tournament! Okay, phew, the world makes sense again."
FWD: 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2 or 6.3
from a 443 phone number, Monday, October 26, 2:07 PM

These are obviously options for things. But what? They're a little low to be gymnastics scores. They're way too low to be temperatures. And why are 5.3 to 6.0 being discounted out of hand? Thoughts?
What is a charter school
from a 978 phone number, Sunday, October 25, 10:18 PM

Isn't this what wikipedia is for?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

gotta bulk up
from an 814 phone number, Sunday, October 25, 5:17 PM

Maybe you should talk to Chunky-Man. I bet he could help you bulk up.
what r u wearing?
" chunky-man "

from a 713 phone number, Sunday, October 25, 2:17 AM

At 2:13 AM, there is only one thing Chunky-Man could mean by this text, and it's not, "What are you wearing when we volunteer at the soup kitchen tomorrow?"

Also: "Chunky-Man"? Eww.
Yes to hellraiser. You're special. THIS is my first text!
from a 208 phone number, Sunday, October 25, 12:45 AM

Sorry you wasted your first text on me, 208. Awkward.
Omg leila.... The pianist we're listening to did the pride and prejudice sountrack!!! You should be here! :( he's incredible...
from a 512 phone number, Saturday, October 24, 10:21 PM

In my day, I have met many Pride and Prejudice devotees, but I don't think any of them have been obsessed with the film or TV series because of its soundtrack. Is that really the best part? I always thought it had something to do with the pretty dresses, or the fact the the protagonist snags a rich guy who's kind of a dick to her.
U r a butt so suck urself jk lol
from a 425 phone number, Saturday, October 24, 1:16 PM

"I just said some kind of horrible things to you, but then I immediately mentioned that I am "just kidding" and even "laughing out loud," so you can't possibly take offense." That makes sense, right?
Just wanted to let you know that dad was admitted to the hospitak this morning call me sue
from a 218 phone number, Thursday, October 22, 1:11 PM

Because I am a very busy (read: horrible) person, I didn't tell Sue that Leila didn't get her text message until the following morning. I hope Sue didn't think that Leila failed to reply because she just cavalierly didn't care about their dad. I'm sure she cares.
heyhey did u go 2 mock trail yesterday
DiGiorgio #18

from a 315 phone number, Wednesday, October 21, 7:43 AM

Ah, a mock trial kid. This was never me. I was a debate kid. Which is... um... cooler?
by any chance are my keys in the girls bag
from a 562 phone number, Monday, October 19, 10:28 PM

r u on vacation
from a 562 phone number, Saturday, October 24, 1:19 PM

No, I am not on vacation, and, no, your keys are not in the girls' bag. You have simply lost them. And Leila.
FWD:Are we playing maj? i can play
from an 803 phone number, Monday, October 19, 8:47 PM

Because, see, this is what happens when we let grandmas have cell phones: I start receiving text messages about mah jong.
My grandma took my phone away. Why arent you pickin up?
from a 631 phone number, Sunday, October 18, 11:03 PM

What, did you steal your grandma's phone to text Leila?
make sure u wear ur besti necklace tomorrow 2 school! :) :) Andrew will b so jealous!!
from a 973 phone number, Sunday, October 18, 7:35 PM

| 13 + -4 | box inbetween | 7 |
from a 973 phone number, Monday, October 19, 5:03 PM

I'm guessing that Leila and 973 are in maybe seventh grade? Because I think that's roughly when I learned about absolute values. Also, seventh grade is right around the time when a best friend necklace can totally destroy someone else. Poor Andrew.
hey...cheeks...it's mommy using destiny's phone...r u having fun?
( :De$t~Le@h; )

from an 805 phone number, Sunday, October 18, 2:03 AM

There will come a time-- perhaps even in our lifetime-- when the semicolon's only purpose will be as a the eyes in a winking smily face.
anda corre y corre Leila anda durmiendose erik anda tose y tose y junior tambien yo dumiendome no a cer nqda .FamiliaJaime.
from a 712 phone number, Saturday, October 17, 6:32 PM

This text message at least has spaces between the words. But that still does not really help me.

walk run and run Leila walk sleeping erik walk cough and cough and junior too I am sleeping not to be nothing
.FamilyJaime.


WHAT.
You left your monkey.
from a 310 phone number, Saturday, October 17, 3:10 PM

I guess 310 really means "money." But I HOPE she means "monkey." I would like to believe that somewhere out there is a Leila with a pet monkey. I take comfort from that.
hey, r u there? hello?! i wanna know wut u know! lol...
from a 781 phone number, Saturday, October 17, 2:26 PM

I want to know wut Leila knows, too! 'Fess up, Leila.
We are blessed!!!
from an 813 phone number, Friday, October 16, 9:44 PM

Did something in particular happen to make you feel this way, 813, or is this just your standard way of being?
This is Leila's favrit project! She and Sarah r workin sooo hard! Get some more poke players! luv u!
from a 916 phone number, Friday, October 16, 7:21 PM

I wonder if Sarah sent this? To herself and to Leila? Maybe they just really like talking about themselves in the third person?
gdw wat tp
Sarahs bank

from an 843 phone number, Friday, October 16, 4:14 PM

Hi sup
***Redneck***

from an 843 phone number, Tuesday, October 20, 7:47 PM

No idea.
Leilatedioelmandadolapaty?contamesi?
from a 310 phone number, Friday, October 16, 3:50 PM

As previously mentioned in this blog, I am not exactly the world's foremost expert in languages. And this is even harder when Leila Texters don't include spaces between their words. Here's what I think this one is:

"Leila te dio el mandado la paty? contame si?"

Which would, to translate further, probably be:

"Leila, I gave you the something the something? Something me, yes?"

Oh, screw it.
I tried but I couldn't get you anything sorry. I have beer you can drink though.
from a 334 phone number, Thursday, October 15, 8:31 PM

Beer?! I don't want beer, bitch. I told you Malibu!
im in my friends car
from a 562 phone number, Thursday, October 15, 6:07 PM

mom when u get to the gym come in i have a suprize
from a 562 phone number, Thursday, October 5, 11:56 PM

562 is California, so, even though my phone thinks that this girl was at the gym at midnight, she was actually only there at 9pm. Which is a totally reasonable time for your mom to pick up up.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

hiii ok so i think my phone charger haha of course
from a 206 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 8:45 PM

You think your phone charger... what? You seem amused by it, whatever you mean.
Hey baby hope your having a good time cant wait for the game tonight go gators
from a 904 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 2:32 PM

There are a number of reasons why I am not the right Leila for this guy and why he is not the right boyfriend for me, starting with the use of the word "your" and going through to the "go gators" and with the fact that he can't text message thrown in for good measure.
Stop texsing dad
from a 951 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 1:08 AM

Yeah, stop texting Dad. He is old and is very bad at this new-fangled communication device.
I cannot believe that Chloe wrote that about me. Am I lucky or what?
from a 562 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 12:09 AM

What? WHAT DID CHLOE WRITE ABOUT YOU??? Don't just leave us HANGING, 562!
are you cold yes or no
from a 423 phone number, Friday, October 9, 9:50 PM

i yope i can see u tumaro i miss u very much i wish u could of spint the night with me or rode with us i love u with all my
from a 423 phone number, Sunday, October 11, 11:34 PM

hert
from a 423 phone number, Sunday, October 11, 11:38 PM

Sexy Leila Texts!
Heyn can u make sure the door is unlocked. Im comming home tonight
from a 240 phone number, Thursday, October 8, 10:39 PM

This text reads as though it's being slurred by some wasted guy who, at 10:39 at night, is like, "Bleeekdhfbvh I'm gonna go to Leila'ssss." Leila: make sure the door is locked.
Just sitting here. I feel like the girl in the movie lake house.
from an 801 phone number, Thursday, October 8, 10:04 PM

I have never seen the movie Lake House, but I already feel like this text is hilarious.
watch the 5 pm news and u might see someone you recognize on king 5
from a 425 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 7:6 PM

Oh my God, did I receive this text from a FAMOUS TELEVISION PERSONALITY?
R U at the dr. How are u feeling? L. A.
from a 478 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 11:40 AM

I think 478 is still pretty new at the whole texting abbrevs thing, which is why she bothered to capitalize "R" and "U" and why she forgot to abbrev her second "are" entirely.
Heyy. Did you ask?
from a 508 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 7:04 AM

So what are you doing this weekend?
from a 508 phone number, Wednesday, October 7, 4:58 PM

Heyy did you ask your mom about saturday?
from a 508 phone number, Thursday, October 8, 7:38 AM

Heyy! would you want to get ready at My house tomorrow?
from a 508 phone number, Friday, October 9, 3:27 PM

Leila! Can jess bring me home after the dance?
from a 508 phone number, Saturday, October 10, 2:53 PM

I'm relieved to see that Leila did, ultimately, ask her mother if she could go to the dance on Saturday, and that her mother did, ultimately, say yes.

Also, this is one of the most coherent series of texts I've ever received. It tells a story. When this sort of thing happens, is that best part about my job. (And by "job," I mean, "receiving text messages," which is actually not my job.)
what r u doing
from a 423 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 2:46 PM

i love
from a 423 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 2:51 PM

u
rom a 423 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 2:52 PM

That really diminishes the power of a love-text, when it gets sent one word too early. Awk.
i love you Leila!..we found her!..im sorry..i didnt mean to yell..@u...
Chelsie

from a 618 phone number, Monday, October 5, 9:05 AM

i love you....im sooo sorryy...i was just really tired...i wasnt upset with you...
:0
Chelsie

from a 618 phone number, Tuesday, October 6, 8:34 AM

I texted Chelsie back because I was concerned that she wouldn't hear back from Leila and would believe that Leila was refusing to forgive her. That could be a relationship-destroying move on my part, and I try, when possible, not to destroy relationships. Meanwhile, whenever Heddle reads this blog post, she will be concerned about the excess of ellipses. She really hates excess ellipses.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I applied 4 a job in a mental house... They said i need 24 hrs of experience with a retard... U wanna chill 2moro? I got crayons n stuff
from a 770 phone number, Sunday, October 4, 9:37 PM

Sometimes people are incredibly insensitive and I don't really understand why my namesakes are friends with them.
i found ur phone
from a 310 phone number, Saturday, October 3, 12:02 PM

But if 310 has Leila's phone, then how will Leila get this text message?
hey leila it is me erin i am on haleys phone
from an 859 phone number, Friday, October 2, 8:16 PM

Okay, great, Erin. Now, why are you telling Leila this? Does she need this information for something?
i just wanted to let you know that i love you so very much! thanks for loving me back
from an 815 phone number, Friday, October 2, 1:54 PM

Aww! This may be kind of boring, but still, it is my favorite genre of text.
Send this message to ppl at jcs to help me!!!!!
from a 561 phone number, Friday, October 2, 11:38 AM

Journal of Cell Science? Joint Chiefs of Staff? Good luck getting help from those layabouts!
Call me. ps bday today. xox m
from an 847 phone number, Friday, October 2, 9:55 AM

Happy birthday! To someone!
Hey girl-dont know where ur purse is but um good. Gonna be home tmrw.
from a 650 phone number, Friday, October 2, 1:02 AM

"I guess it doesn't help you any to know that I'm good, considering that your purse is missing... but, you know, I'm glad to let you live vicariously through me!"
HELLO?!
from a 631 phone number, Thursday, Octover 1, 5:01 PM

You can use as many interrobangs as you want, 631; Leila is still not going to respond to you.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

sorry, we have a baby getting sick, i will meet you at church
from a 601 phone number, Wednesday, September 30, 6:13 PM

Oh, no! Feel better, baby!
polo
cruzer30

from a 203 phone number, Tuesday, September 29, 3:34 PM

No idea. All I can tell you is that 203 is Connecticut. Now you take it away.
r u home?
Prema to most, mom to 3

from a 740 phone number, Monday, September 28, 3:26 PM

Is that really 740's sig line? "Prema to most, mom to 3"? Way to use like ALL your allotted characters on a sig line. No wonder you have to abbreviate the words "are" and "you" just to fit them in.
a.k.a all time bff hey whatz up lei
~Cali Girl~

from a 609 phone number, Monday, September 28, 3:00 PM

I wonder how this Intended Leila feels about being called Lei. Speaking as a Leila, I'm not so into it. Unless it's being said by my mom, or my godmother, or my old roommate Jo. From most other people's lips, it sounds awkward to me.
if you leave today definetly wear a sweatshirt or even a jacket...its soooo cold
from a 952 phone number, Monday, September 28, 12:54 PM

Actually, Monday in Boston was quite mild. But 952 is Minnesota, which is probably colder. And tonight it went down to like 50 degrees! My jacket wasn't even warm enough! So 952 makes a good point about the changing of the seasons etc.
Dines What happened with you and ari?
from a 716 phone number, Saturday, September 26, 8:44 PM

Yeah, Intended Leila, what did happen with you and Ari?
CALL ME
from a 425 phone number, Saturday, September 26, 7:16 PM

Come out-side
from a 425 phone number, Monday, September 28, 6:16 PM

Come out-side PLEASE I FEEL LIKE A LONER!!!!
from a 425 phone number, Monday, September 28, 6:19 PM

Bye
from a 425 phone number, Monday, September 28, 6:22 PM

FWD: FWD: FWD: FW: From: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: In 22 minutes someone will say "WANNA GO OUT?" "I LOVE YOU" or " I MISS U BABE" but you have to forward to 9 ppl
from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, September 29, 7:06 PM

I do not find 425's use of caps endearing, and it does not particularly make me want to call her or come outside. A request gets you so much farther than a demand ever will, my dear.
R u coming here? i am goimg 2 tqpader joe 4 mb choc. home b4 4 xox
from an 847 phone number, Saturday, September 26, 3:02 PM

Some of you aren't so good at pidgin English, so allow me to translate:

Are you coming here? I am going to Trader Joe's for mb (?) chocolate. Home before 4pm. xox

"mb chocolate"? Any ideas? Max Brenner chocolate, maybe?
the hills with kristin starts the 29th yay
from a 978 phone number, Friday, September 25, 1:00 PM

Sometimes I claim that the Leila Texts provide me my main source of conversational topics, but this may actually be true. 978 is referring to a TV show. Without this text, I never would have known that a new season of the Hills was premiering, or that Kristin is now the leading lady. Now that I know, I intend to drop this into conversation as often as possible. Thanks, 978!
Heyy. What did your mom say!? And are you going to shannons saturday?
from a 508 phone number, Thursday, September 24, 7:10 PM

Heyy if you go to courtneys bring 7 of the 9 dollars you owe me from mini golf! I forgot to bring some.
from a 508 phone number, Friday, September 25, 5:20 PM

Leila! can you ask jess if i can use her glasses! I forgot mine at home.
from a 508 phone number, Monday, September 28, 6:31 AM

Heyy! Did dylan say anything to you!?
from a 508 phone number, Tuesday, September 29, 5:42 PM

Heyy! Text shawn and ask him if crystal asked him to bvt homecoming!
from a 508 phone number, Tuesday, September 28, 8:28 PM

A few things we have learned about 508 and her Leila:

1. They have a very happening social life. (Between Shannon and Courtney and Jess and Dylan and Shawn and Crystal, I cannot keep all these kids straight!)

2. BVT is a school in Upton, MA, so 508 and Leila must live around there.

A few things we still don't know about 508 and Leila:

1. What did Leila's mom say!?

2. Did Dylan say anything to Leila!?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Heyy GOOD LUCK ON BBALL HOPEY
from a 646 phone number, Wednesday, September 23, 5:39 PM

Thanks! Though it would take a whole lot more than good luck to inspire me to play a bball game!
Im in ur driveway
from a 631 phone number, Wednesday, September 23, 7:28 AM

Is it just me, or does anyone else really want this text to be a version of im in ur blank, blanking ur blank?
call me after work need advice and moral support please
from a 915 phone number, Tuesday, September 22, 12:59 PM

Whoa this sounds like a big deal! I wonder what's wrong? I wanted to call and "offer moral support" and get all the good gossip... but that would have been really weird, so I didn't.
ur dentist appt has been rescheduled for another day
from a 402 phone number, Tuesday, September 22, 11:15 AM

Is this how dentist's receptionists are now alerting patients to scheduling changes? Ladies, that is some next-level laziness.
Hows the floor?
from a 678 phone number, Monday, September 21, 4:00 PM

I was hoping 678 meant "the dancefloor" so I could text back and be like, "It's bumpin'!" But I don't really think that's what 678 meant, at 4pm on a Monday. Also, "bumpin'" is not a very cool thing for me to say.
hey, could u email me(or whateva) the list of verbs we're supposed 2 conjugate(sp?). I think i left the list @ my grandmothers when i was there...thanks
from a 781 phone number, Monday, September 21, 3:51 PM

781 actually spelled "conjugate" right. Never doubt yourself.
hair dresser FWD: Eid mubarak to you and your family may this day bring you lots of barakat hapiness prosperity and sucess from ghesani family
from a 770 phone number, Sunday, September 20, 5:09 PM

This text was sent during Rosh Hashana, and "barakat" could be a transliteration for the Hebrew word for "blessings," so I'm willing to say this is a "happy new year" text. Only what's this "eid mubarak"? Any fluent Hebrew speakers with a penchant for transliteration out there?
Duling FWD: I can see her she can call office on Monday I will prob start with scan
from a 724 phone number, Saturday, September 19, 7:39 PM

I think this Leila is a doctor on the basis of 1) The first Leila Duling I find on google is a doctor, and 2) Don't doctors use phrases like "she can call office on Monday" and "I will prob start with scan"? Those sound doctorial.
i made spaghetti if you guys want some
from a 937 phone number, Saturday, September 19, 2:16 PM

Yes! I always want spaghetti.
Hold on i have to eat im going to talk to u later on
from a 757 phone number, Saturday, September 19, 1:09 PM

Hey where u going
from a 757 phone number, Saturday, September 19, 8:59 PM

I am going to bed, hopefully, once I finish typing up all these texts. Where u going, 757?
Do have any paper plates you could bring over this eve. I am fresh out.
from a 208 phone number, Friday, September 18, 9:02 AM

I and I am not feeling to good. Do you have paper plates.
from a 208 phone number, Friday, September 18, 10:46 AM

Jeez, 208, you already asked me once. You don't have to ask again, an hour and forty-four minutes later. And you don't need to add in that you're not feeling "to good." If I had paper plates, I'd lend them to you, even if you were feeling healthy. But I don't. Okay?
We identified the properties of math. dont worry it wont b on the quiz tomorrow
from a 973 phone number, Thursday, September 17, 4:17 PM

sorry but i have gymnastics tonight. but we will c each other over the weekend
from a 973 phone number, Friday, September 18, 3:57 PM

what is the studyisland assignment?
from a 973 phone number, Saturday, September 19, 8:33 AM

I relate to 973 because I, too, when in high school, did gymnastics and thought a lot about what would be on the next math quiz. But this study island thing has got to go.
marie i sure hope your not mad at me..your my best friend..id hate to ruin our friendship of spooning in our sleep cuz i fucked upi luhchew l
Clubkid

from a 775 phone number, Thursday, September 17, 12:00 AM

marie FWD: Ma'am i am very attracted to you physically. Very very

what does that mean?

from a 775 phone number, Friday, September 18, 1:21 AM

marie FWD: Haha yeah...but your pretty and smart and fun and you keep me on my toes...other people are just people
from a 775 phone number, Saturday, September 19, 7:20 PM

marie im for sure moving my mom found a 2 bedroom house in sandy about 10 minutes from nancys
Clubkid

from a 775 phone number, Sunday, September 20, 1:24 PM

Based on what we already know about Clubkid and Leila Marie, I'd guess that they are indeed best friends, and that these middle two texts (the ones that start with "FWD:") were sent to Clubkid from some guy. A guy who's really into her. Because "other people are just people" is a totally sweet thing to say, and, in answer to Clubkid's question of "what does it mean when he says 'i am very attracted to you physically'"-- uh, it means he's very attracted to you, Clubkid. It's a good thing.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Yessssssssssssss

that was amazinggggggg

i no longer hate beyonce!!

from a 516 phone number, Sunday, September 13, 11:15 PM

It was only because of this text message that I even realized the VMAs were occurring.
homeslice! any chance ur free 4 din/drinks tmrw evening? larie
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, September 13, 10:34 PM

It's possible this is the only time to date that the word "homeslice" has appeared on The Leila Texts blog.
we can find fest deaf. we are cranbury and fern rod
from a 516 phone number, Sunday, September 13, 12:36 PM

A google search for "cranbury" + "fern rod" turned up nothing, so I give you. Your thoughts?
marie you awake
Clubkid

from a 775 phone number, Sunday, September 13, 5:02 AM

I guess being awake at 5:02 AM is a good indicator that you truly are a Clubkid. Deserved nickname.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

did u do ur bio poem yet? Also did u try 2 go on study island? My username and password 4 last year wont work on it this year.
from a 973 phone number, Saturday, September 12, 11:43 AM

I love when schools try to make something incredibly dull sound incredibly exciting by naming it like "study island." It's like how, at my office, if we want to check status of orders, we have to log into a website called "Oasis." The homepage of Oasis pictures an idyllic oceanfront palm tree, but what "Oasis" actually stands for is Order And Shipping Information Services.
where are you in the city
from a 610 phone number, Friday, September 11, 10:37 PM

i am going to be in. the ghetto w philly soon
from a 610 phone number, Friday, September 11, 10:38 PM

610 is Pennsylvania, near Philadelphia, so I find it perplexing that this person has a friend named Philly in the city of Philly. It's like if my parents had named me Boston. Maybe this is a nickname.
hapby birthday! do you have lunch plans today?
from a 309 phone number, Friday, September 11, 8:40 AM

If Leila didn't have lunch plans, that would be kind of sad, since it was her birthday.
yo come to the kegger. .3206 woolen way by timothys. . bring whoever
from a 302 phone number, Thursday, September 10, 10:11 PM

Oh my God, this text is so AWESOME! I have always dreamt of receiving a text like this, only, you know, having it be actually addressed to me. I don't think anyone has ever invited me to a kegger. Or at least they didn't call it a "kegger."
lets just text
from a 973 phone number, Thursday, September 10m 4:32 PM

This is the technological equivalent of "let's just cuddle."
marie lets kick it
Clubkid

from a 775 phone number, Tuesday, September 8, 6:56 PM

marie answr your phone
Clubkid

from a 775 phone number, Tuesday, September 8, 8:39 PM

marie aghhh shoot me
Clubkid

from a 775 phone number, Thursday, September 10, 1:39 AM

Do you think my "let's kick it," Clubkid means, like, "let's go nightclubbing"?

(Nightclubbing, we're nightclubbing, we're what's happening.)
Im gonna break out my mocassins at school!
from a 508 phone number, Tuesday, September 8, 5:06 PM

I love the sheer, unadulturated excitement of a teen girl talking about shoes.
From Morgan... FWD: I should have some $ on wed or thurs talk to you soon
from a 303 phone number, Tuesday, September 8, 12:09 PM

Why does 303 have to be the intermediary here? Dude, Morgan-- Leila wants her $ NOW.
We started episode three a few minutes ago
from a 334 phone number, Monday, September 7, 8:55 PM

So HURRY UP, Leila, or you'll miss the whole episode and will be totally lost when you show up for episode four!
Hey who was that
from a 7572 phone number, Sunday, September 6, 9:45 PM

Hey
from a 757 phone number, Sunday, September 6, 9:53 PM

Hey u done if u r call me
from a 757 phone number, Sunday, September 6, 10:09 PM

In the interest of saving characters, I should note that you don't have to open every text message with the word "hey." Sometimes you can just get right to the point. And with those extra three characters, you might even have space to include punctuation.
what colar candles do you want for the tables
from a 423 phone number, Sunday, September 6, 3:35 PM

Something to complement the tablecloth. Barring that, an off-white will always do. I know you weren't trying to ask me, 423, but aren't you glad you did?
Sorry, dear Leila Text afficianados, for the lack of updates over the past week. I have been very preoccupied because I just SOLD MY FIRST NOVEL. It's called Wayward Girls and it will be published by Simon & Schuster in fall of 2010. My novel has almost nothing to do with text messaging, except that in one scene one of the characters sends a text. Still. I thought you might want to know, anyway.

Other than that update, life remains the same, and texts of congratulations intended for me come interspersed with texts asking other Leilas where they left their bio textbooks, or whose turn it is to pick up the kids from soccer. So let's get down to business.

Are you with your dad this weekend coming up?
from a 508 phone number, Sunday, September 6, 11:26 AM

I just hope this isn't sent by Leila's mother. I like for parents, at the very least, to know their own joint custody schedule.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

get ur ass over here
from an 815 phone number, Saturday, September 5, 9:17 PM

I respond to requests. Not commands.
hey do u want dohnuts or cheese danish? -fia wants cheese danish.
from a 919 phone number, Saturday, September 5, 8:17 AM

Fia has no taste. I want donuts, please. I had a donut at 2 AM last night, and every bite of it was brilliant.
hey could you get me the name of that lab again please?
from a 915 phone number, Friday, September 4, 10:32 PM

Is this a homework request? Then my answer is, absolutely not. I will not get you the name of that lab at 10:32 on the Friday night of a long weekend. Let's readdress this question on Monday afternoon. For now, why don't you go get wasted or watch a movie, like normal students?
Can u please get me yummy ice cream when u lids come home
from a 703 phone number, Friday, September 4, 6:03 PM

I mant kids and i am praying
from a 703 phone number, Friday, September 4, 6:03 PM

I kind of hope she meant "paying," as in "I am paying for the ice cream," not "I am praying that you kids get me yummy ice cream." I mean, I often seriously hope for yummy ice cream. But praying for it seems like overkill.
we have a rez @ Mc & Schnick 4 7pm. How ya doin,?
from a 713 phone number, Friday, September 4, 5:48 PM

Well, I hope Leila likes seafood.
Can we leave our french textbook home
from a 973 phone number, Friday, September 4, 3:56 PM

I hope so. That shit is heavy.
marie eeeeppp help help help save me kidnapp me
Cubkid

from a 775 phone number, Friday, September 4, 2:58 AM

marie well ima try to get a hold of brad so....
Cubkid

from a 775 phone number, Friday, September 4, 4:27 PM

marie say no
Cubkid

from a 775 phone number, Friday, September 4, 8:28 PM

marie ugh here it goes im talking to jimmy im scarded hell be mad at me
Clubkid

from a 775 phone number, Saturday, September 5, 4:32 PM

What I don't understand is that the first three texts from this number are signed "Cubkid" (like a fan of the Cubs, maybe?), but the last one is signed "Clubkid." Is this last one a typo? Or is 775 a Cubkid on weekdays and a Clubkid on weekends?
hey leila do you think you fit me in tomorrow sometime between 930 am and 2pm i have work at 230?
~Steph~3

from a 408 phone number, Thursday, September 3, 10:11 PM

Theories? We think this Leila is a... hair dresser?