Saturday, February 23, 2008

You ladies still going out later?
from a 970 phone number, Saturday, February 9, 9:44 PM

Obvi. 'Cause we're ladies, riiiiight? Holla!
Hey leila its me your favorite fabulouse sister umm mommy just sent a pacage for u but idk what it is love u avia
from an 845 phone number, Saturday, February 9, 11:28 AM

Avia does seem like a pretty fabulouse sister. I wonder what was in the package. Candy? My mom often sends me candy. And sometimes stuffed animals.
Well found out last night matt has a game so we may have logistical probs
from an 865 phone number, Friday, February 8, 10:30 AM

J would like to see a movie tho
from an 865 phone number, Friday, February 8, 11:13 AM

This comes from the same guy who was asking about buying Abercrombie shorts for k. I assume 865 is a dude, and Leila is his wife, and k, Matt, and J (referred to in the Abercrombie message as 'Jess') are their children. This explanation isn't necessarily true, but I consider it the most parsimonious. Occam's Razor, etc.
is anyone taking mackenzie to disney on ice tell her to see her my space
from a 916 phone number, Thursday, February 7, 12:27 AM

Whoa, what's on Mackenzie's MySpace? Some posting about Disney on ice? If Mackenzie is young enough to need to be taken to Disney on ice, isn't she also too young to have a MySpace account? I mean, there are internet pedophiles out there. Don't you ever read the newspaper?
FWD: Fwd:FWD: FWD: FWD: ----> sHoOt tHiiS aRrOw tO 14 hEaRtS u TrUlY cArE bOuT ( iiNcLuDiNg Me!) In tHe NeXt 14 MiNuTeS nD u WiiLl hAvE tHe PeRfEcT feb 14
from an 818 phone number, Thursday, February 7, 3:40 AM

This was very hard to type up.
cell hey i may get my car on thurs
from a 703 phone number, Tuesday, February 5, 11:51 AM

Ohhhh man I am totally jeal. I want to get a car! (And then I want to get someone else to pay for gas, insurance, and parking.)
hey hey hey
from a 503 phone number, Monday, February 4, 10:21 PM

This is basically just a boring "hey" text, which I receive at least two of every week, only 503 has exerted a lazy attempt to spice it up by repeating the same boring word three times. You are not fooling anyone, 503.
Does k need a pair of short kakhi shorts from Abercrombie...size 16 son big in waist for Jess...only 10 dollars
from an 865 phone number, Monday, February 4, 12:51 PM

Does k need a pair of $10 Abercrombie shorts? Hell yes she does! Abercrombie usually costs mad bucks. If you spy a deal, my god, grab it while you can!

Friday, February 22, 2008

FWD: FWD: FWD: ...Give this rose ))>-%-- to everyone u care bout. C if u get a dozen before Valentines Day .
from an 805 phone number, Sunday, February 3, 11:45 PM

Sorry, another Valentines Day-related text that I failed to post at the appropriate time. (I was busy.) Now that I have the chance to comment, I just want to say: ))>-%-- actually looks more like a rose than I originally thought. (The petals are to the left-hand side-- see it? Kind of?) It's like when you use your calculator to write 80085 (aka BOOBS), only way more complex.
I need baby food jars . ask jane to save for me.
from a 972 phone number, Sunday, February 3, 1:20 PM

Middle school science class rears its ugly head yet again.
these refs suck
from a 408 phone number, Sunday, February 10, 12:02 AM

Now, this is from a different 408 phone number from all the texts that I just posted-- the ones that started with "Wright"-- but I imagine this text is directed to the same Leila. I mean, how many Leilas who care about sports can there be in the greater San Jose area?

So that's kind of cool, getting texts from different people that are intended for the same person. It seems like I could somehow triangulate in on this Leila's identity, if I heard from enough of her different friends and family members.

But not if they all just talk about sporting events. That doesn't really tell me all that much about this Leila.
wright Hi sweetie
Just wanted to say hi Hope you r feeling
better. We r all still jealous! Love Mom The boys say hi.

from a 408 phone number, Sunday, February 3, 2:15 AM

Wright On R way to your house hope its a good
game. How R you feeling?

from a 408 phone number, Sunday, February 3, 4:47 PM

Wright Shit I sent the message be4 i was done
talk to you soon
Love Mom

from a 408 phone number, Sunday, February 3, 4:50 PM

Wright Wow what a game U WOULD OF BEEN

from a 408 phone number, Sunday, February 3, 11:05 PM

These texts confuse me. They're all from Leila's mother, but I don't know why they all start with the word "Wright." Leila appears to be feeling sort of sick ("How R you feeling," "Hope you r feeling better," etc). Leila's mother went to see a sports game in the evening, but Leila did not come (perhaps because she was feeling sick?). The sports game was very impressive, not least because of Angie's involvement. Maybe Angie is Leila's sister? Hard to say. And what sort of fun can Leila have tonight, given how sick she had been feeling? This one is a particularly tricky puzzle, I'm finding.
So what's Tyler getting u for Valentine's Day.
from an 860 phone number, Saturday, February 2, 11:18 PM

Sorry, I failed to post this right when I received it (when it was obviously more timely). But I take issue with this question on a number of levels. First of all, if Tyler is getting Leila a Valentines Day present, it should be a surprise. She shouldn't know ahead of time, and certainly shouldn't be telling all her friends.

Moreover, I have to remind you that Valentines Day = kind of a lame holiday. Even if you have a significant other, Valentines Day is not like your birthday or your anniversary or anything. All holidays are made-up, but Valentines Day more so than most. Which isn't to say you shouldn't celebrate it-- by all means, celebrate it. All I'm saying is, it is not important enough a holiday for it to be a topic of textual conversation between you and your friends 12 days prior to the actual holiday. Please discuss something more pertinent. Thank you.
Trevors band tonite @ 9 @ obama hq. 3rd & colo. - laura
from a 970 phone number, Saturday, February 2, 8:35 PM

You know, I think this may be the first even remotely political Leila Text that I've received. Which is kind of surprising, given that it's an election year. I have no idea if most Leila Texters are Democrats or Republicans, Clinton or Obama supporters, interventionist or isolationist...
so its ture
from a 917 phone number, Saturday, February 2, 2:59 PM

So what's true? That I get text messages for strangers? Yes, that is true.
Dear sister. The fact that u can not acknowledge that I have a life outside of scottdale shows me u really don't know me.
Bro. Zed's babyboy

from a 678 phone number, Saturday, February 2, 5:00 AM

That would be Scottdale, Georgia, if you were curious. Which is, by the way, in EST, so I have to wonder what Bro. Zed's babyboy was doing up at 5 AM. I also have to wonder what kind of a name "Bro. Zed's babyboy" is. It sort of undermines the power of the "u really don't know me" claim.
It is a Boy! Hans robert
from a 320 phone number, Sunday, February 10, 10:49 AM

Awww congratulations!
cell ORIGINAL MSG: Do as itsays: tonite the 1 u love will suddenly want u, miss u, n fall 4 u more. If u dnt send to 10 u will loose them
from a 480 phone number, Sunday, February 10, 11:21 PM

Honestly, there's nothing all that ORIGINAL about this MSG.

Also, I hate to say this, but I find it hard to take these sorts of threats seriously when they're misspelled ("u will loose them"). Sorry.
Leila sheryn will pick u up after school do not take the bus i will see u in the parking lot i will have your things call me as soon as u get this message
from a 201 phone number, Monday, February 11, 12:20 PM

I did call this person back as soon as I got this message. I left a voicemail that was like, "Um, this seems very complicated... I'm worried Leila might accidentally get on the bus instead of waiting for Sheryn... Please re-send your text message." Goodness, I hope Leila got home from school okay!
my dad upgraded my txting so now i can go insane how was tutoring
from a 904 phone number, Monday, February 11, 5:48 PM

Right, because there's nothing so insane as sending a whole lot of text messages. Wild party girl!
FWD: FWD: FWD:*Love is crazy* This is so freaky! Send this to 10 people then exit out and hold
from a 516 phone number, Tuesday, February 12, 5:06 PM

Well, love is crazy, 516 girl, so you got at least that part right. As for the rest of this...
9.025 on beam... tucked dismount..same as fall Jamie waited a good 3 sec between jumps still got credit...9.3 she needed that. Thought they were overly
from an 865 phone number, Saturday, February 16, 7:06 PM

9.150 on floor 9.7 start value
from an 865 phone number, Saturday, February 16, 7:38 PM

8.975 bars...double casted once tay 8.3
from an 865 phone number, Saturday, February 16, 8:45 PM

Thanks to eight years of gymnastics training, I understand exactly what these text messages mean. Basically, Jamie is pretty talented. She didn't connect two of her jumps in her beam routine, which can lower the overall value of the routine (e.g. two jumps that are B moves can count as a C if they are connected, and depending on what level you're at, you're required to include a certain number of C elements in your routine). She also casted twice, instead of once, during her bars routine, and that's the sort of hesitation you get points off for. However, if she's doing a floor routine with a start value of 9.7, she must be pretty good. My routines never had start values above, like, 9.0.

DOESN'T THIS FASCINATE YOU? Like I said, I spent eight years of my life in discussions like this one. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT.
How is ryan?
from a 917 phone number, Sunday, February 17, 8:35 PM

Uh, hot, duh. Like I'd know anyone who wasn't.
hey enjoying ur break
from a 408 phone number, Sunday, February 17, 10:36 PM

It was school vacation week this past week. I learnt this from the fact that I was not once woken up by the dulcet tones of children screaming in the school playground next door to my apartment. Also, from the number of school vacation-related texts that I got. This is Example A.
leila its me emily this is my new cell
from a 703 phone number, Monday, February 18, 2:20 PM

Oh, right, I forgot how popular this sort of Leila Text is: "Messages from People with new Cell Phones Who Don't Know How to Use Them Yet."
Hi Dani, it's Stephanie. Can u clean late tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday? My husband is sick. Thanks,
from a 203 phone number, Monday, February 18, 2:45 PM

"Messages to Your House Cleaner" continues to be one of the most popular types of Leila Texts, perhaps tied with "Messages Telling Your Friend How Much You Hate Her," but still coming in well behind "Pointless Messages That Just Say 'Hi.'"
i cant believe u got ur ears peirced without me
from a 703 phone number, Monday, February 18, 2:57 PM

did u rely get ur ears peirced
from a 703 phone number, Monday, February 18. 4:50 PM

I love the transition here from sheer outrage ("i cant believe...") to desperate hope-against-hope ("did you rely..."). But did Leila or didn't she? There's the real question.
hey its yafit omg alex was sitting on a bench and she was like its pizza sauce and it was blood and then she is like thats me and we were like eww it leak
from an 818 phone number, Tuesday, February 19, 7:43 PM

from an 818 phone number, Tuesday, February 19, 7:44 PM

Yafit, let me get this straight: Are you spreading the rumor that Alex had her period, and somehow her tampon was insufficient, and therefore she was leaking menstrual blood everywhere but trying to pass it off as pizza sauce? Regardless of the veracity of this story, you really shouldn't go around texting everyone about it. Do you want to destroy Alex's self-esteem forever?

I guess, probably, yeah. That is, as I recall, what middle school was all about.
what u doing this weekend? Verizon got unlimited now
from a 206 phone number, Friday, February 22, 6:40 PM

Well, 206, I am so glad you asked about my weekend plans. Tonight, I am sitting in my pajamas, eating chocolate chips. Tomorrow I intend to do the same, though perhaps at some point I'll get dressed. Fascinating, no?