R u going to tiesto tonight
from a 978 phone number, Monday, September 19, 7:25 PM EST

Apparently Tiesto is a band. I guess they were playing a gig near where Leila lives. But I don't know, because I didn't go.

Hey wat r u doin tt rocks that field
from a 323 phone number, Saturday, September 17, 2:27 PM EST

Baseball, maybe? Is TT a baseball player? If so, does he "rock that field"?

Wheres the parts for ur vacuum?
from a 508 phone number, Saturday, September 17, 1:09 PM EST

Translation: "You asked me to housesit for you, and I accidentally spilled the entire contents of your spice rack onto your living room drag. But I don't really want to tell you that. Where's the parts for your vacuum?"

Tell mom to call meeee OBAMAWINFREY
from a 724 phone number, Sunday, September 18, 10:44 AM EST

When President Obama married Oprah Winfrey, they joined their names to be OBAMAWINFREY. It was really an all-star marriage.

Come to chesznut!
from a 401 phone number, Friday, September 16, 11:23 PM EST

Were going to eliZa to smoke jifc you want to come
from a 401 phone number, Friday, September 16, 11:42 PM EST

I just spent a lot of time researching what "jifc" means (weed? PCP?), but ultimately concluded that it's just a typo on "if." "We're going to Eliza to smoke if you want to come." I guess that is a less exciting translation than PCP.

Hey can u call me?????????
from a 281 phone number, Friday, September 16, 7:12 PM EST

This seemed very important and desperate, due to the number of question marks. So I texted back my standard, "Sorry, this came to me instead of Leila, text her again by pulling her name out of your contacts list," etc. 281's response:

Wut?who is this?call me
from a 281 phone number, Friday, September 16, 7:55 PM EST

Honestly? I did you the courtesy of telling you that Leila didn't receive your text-- which, by the way, I do not do for everybody-- and now you want me to CALL you, too? Like I have nothing else to do at 7:55 on a Friday evening?

Wine at Sonia’s at 7 tonight
from a 301 phone number, Thursday, September 15, 2:58 PM EST

Kelly is coming.
from a 301 phone number, Thursday, September 15, 2:58 PM EST

301's thought process here was definitely: "Shit, Leila's not going to come for wine if it's just me and Sonia! Quick, I need to text her again so she knows that Kelly will also be there. That is the only thin that could possibly convince Leila to come. That and the free wine."

You know who wheres beanies and skinny jeans..evan johnson hes a junior.
from a 774 phone number, Wednesday, September 14, 5:53 PM EST

Evan fucking JOHNSON?! The junior? He's HOT. It must be the, um, beanies and skinny jeans. I am INTO that look!

My friend lost both twins today :(
from a 678 phone number, Monday, September 19, 8:16 PM EST

That is so sad. I hope these are not human twins.

Labrador retriever. that’s da dog im getting
from a 917 phone number, Monday, September 19, 8:47 PM EST



Adorable.

i txtd jon but he didn’t respond u want me to drop em off to u?
*lil*ash*
from a 518 phone number, Sunday, September 11, 10:15 PM EST

stuck in traffic but ill be thr in 10
*lil*ash*
from a 518 phone number, Monday, September 12, 6:20 PM EST

hey whats the name of that falafal place?
*lil*ash*
from a 518 phone number, Wednesday, September 14, 6:17 PM EST

hey sorry i got way to drunk too fast last night and blackd out. just turned my phone on what r u up to?
*LiL*aSh*
from a 518 phone number, Tuesday, September 20, 10:47 PM EST

Lil Ash seemed like a normal adult for the first week and a half of these text messages, until it turned out that she’s the kind of woman to get blackout drunk on a Monday night and then casually tell her friends about it. That was a little jarring for me. I just hope she’s in college.

I hate my self
from a 951 phone number, Sunday, September 18, 1:19 PM EST

Hey sorry playing pool with curtis and his dad at his house I will be home later. Sorry love And I forgot we are going to the ice house Saturday nite
from a 951 phone number, Wednesday, September 21, 12:38 AM EST

Texts that say “I hate my self” sound like a cry for help to me. But I cannot help 951, because I don’t know him. Hopefully his Intended Leila can help him. Or Curtis.

r u going to middle school to sell tickets t icsaschool
from a 330 phone number, Wednesday, September 21, 12:48 PM EST

Do I have to? The middle schoolers always make fun of us when we go there to sell tickets to our lame band concert. Then the eighth graders give me noogies.

Im sitting in the rain now how luck m i
:]Lmfao[;
from an 845 phone number, Wednesday, September 21, 7:13 PM EST

But at least you are laughing your ass off in the rain. That’s worth something, right?

Im sitting in the rain now how luck m i
:]Lmfao[;
from an 845 phone number, Wednesday, September 21, 7:13 PM EST

But at least you are laughing your ass off in the rain. That’s worth something, right?

were taking pictures at 530 at the river walk, and then eating at bens chop house at 630 :)
from a 334 phone number, Saturday, September 24, 9:56 AM EST

Ben’s Chophouse is “the place for the best price cut steaks and the freshest seafood in town.” In this instance, “town” refers to Columbus, Georgia. I hope this information will be useful to you the next time you are hankering some steak in Georgia.