Saturday, August 23, 2008

Im at macys wish u were here. Lots of new dresses and im stuck in one in the 2nd fl dressing rm send help haha
from a 508 phone number, Friday, August 22, 9:08 PM

I HATE getting stuck in dresses in dressing rooms. The rooms so small and cramped, and then when I get stuck in a dress I start to panic, which only makes it harder to work myself out of it, and I have to do deep breathing exercises, and if some store employee raps on the door and perkily asks if I "need any help in there," I sometimes accidentally rip the dress... It's bad news. How 508 can be in a calm enough state of mind to send text messages and write "haha" is beyond me.
Want tm gm tm dinner w makees!.?
from a 201 phone number, Wednesday, August 20, 11:37 AM

Since 201 has proven himself incapable of hitting the number 6 key the correct number of times, it's impossible to make out what "makees" is supposed to mean. Maybe "oakees." Maybe "nakees." Maybe even "obleer."
Julie went 2 tours @ winman 2day. guess who was a tour guide? lolz!
from a 401 phone number, Thursday, August 21, 10:03 PM

Probably Winman Jr. High, in Warwick, Rhode Island. That's what the area code implies, anyway. I guess Julie is a soon-to-be student there, getting a tour. I can't really guess who was a tour guide, though.
i dont like her
from a 914 phone number, Wednesday, August 20, 12:05 AM

What did she ever do to you?
FWD: "KARMA" If u luv Jesus N ur glad he woke u up 2day send this to 10 ppl(EVEN ME) and watch in 60 sEc. Melissa Melissa Melissa
from a 719 phone number, Tuesday, August 19, 9:51 PM

See, this is more the creative sort of forward that I was hoping for. I wonder what would happen in 60 seconds. I hope something religious.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hey!Ur not answering ur evite2my BIG summer Bash this sat@7!10657 N. Coronado circle. Flip flops & grass skirts! We need ur bartending skills!Mads
from a 559 phone number, Monday, August 18, 10:34 PM

Here is a map to the party, if you're in the Fresno area and want to go. Saturday at 7, I hear. Just show up and pretend your name is Leila. Don't forget your grass skirt.
Fwd:Fwd:FWD: Fwd:Fwd:Fwd: Msg: Ifucanreadthisitmeansthatwewillalwaysbefriendendthistoallthefriendsudontwanttoloseandseewhathappensintenminutes.
from a 719 phone number, Monday, August 18, 12:32 PM

Fwd: --Fwd:FWD:FW:Forward this to ten of your best friends then look at your wallpaper. Don't get mad it's funny.
from a 719 phone number, Monday, August 18, 12:41 PM

I am so bored of seeing both these forwards. I guess that's the point of chains, though: that they are wholly unoriginal.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Hi! i hope u will get this message.i just wanna check if your number works :) give me a sign when u get it.take care! Dorota
from a 310 phone number, Sunday, August 17, 8:38 PM

Poor Dorota. Hopes so often do not come true.
Cant wait for u to get back so we can play tennis Venus n Serena won the gold lol
Praise the lord

from a 908 phone number, Sunday, August 17, 3:55 PM

I can't tell if this is a sort of joking "praise the lord," as in, "Oh, thank goodness, Venus and Serena won the gold; what WOULD we have done otherwise"-- or if this is a serious, "I never send a text message, no matter how light-hearted, without praising the lord in the process" sort of statement. You know? What makes me suspicious is that "praise the lord" comes on a separate line, as though it is a thought entirely unconnected to the tennis commentary.

Maybe 908 should hang out with that Leila Texter who once told me that, when Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of me.
Brad wants to know...will you hook up with him?
from a 914 phone number, Saturday, August 16, 10:14 PM

PS- he said he'd pay me 50 bux if you agreed to, so please do it! lol no pun intended...luv ya! oh & call me l8r to discuss th curtains.
from a 914 phone number, Saturday, August 16, 10:22 PM

These are best text messages I have received this week, bar none. Just to clarify: Brad is willing to pay 914 $50 if she gets Leila to hook up with him, essentially as though Leila gives KISSES for MONEY and 914 is her PIMP. AMAZING.

Also, how legendary a kisser must Leila be if her kisses are worth $50? I've never put a price on mine, but I'd venture that they come in under the $50 mark.
where are you we are here
from an 804 phone number, Saturday, August 16, 9:12 PM

Wherever you are, 804, I wish I were there, too, as currently I'm on a BoltBus somewhere between Boston and NYC (but far too close to Boston). Yes, there is WiFi, which means I can update this blog; however, there is also traffic. How is there not a carpool or bus lane on the Mass Pike? Shouldn't the government want to encourage group transport, especially as we near an oil crisis?

Okay. Whoa. A little too much of a soapbox, there. Maybe 804 didn't need all that detail about my whereabouts.
FWd:FWD: Fwd:Fwd:Fwd: Msg:
Ifucanreadhisitmeansthatwewillalwaysbefriendsendthistoallthefriendsudontwanttoloseandseewhathappensintenminutes. *Brittany*

from a 719 phone number, Saturday, August 16, 7:31 PM

I don't really understand the connection between being able to read that text and always being friends. Is being able to read words without spaces between them *Brittany*'s main criterion for picking friends? If so, why? Also, I don't buy this "seewhathappensintenminutes" crap. It looks like it was taken out of context from that popular forward about how your cell phone wallpaper will change if you forward this text to fifteen people and blah blah.

Complaints aside, props to *Brittany* for signing her name. Most text forwards are so impersonal. This sig line makes it clear that *Brittany* really cares.
Hi leila its becky i got a phone now
from an 818 phone number, Saturday, August 16, 3:02 PM

I wonder if this is Becky's first phone ever? At what age do American kids get their first phones, nowadays? My boss's daughter has a cell phone and she is only 11; however, she does not have texting. NOR SHOULD SHE, in my opinion. The fewer 11-year-olds with texting, the fewer appalling text forwards I receive. For example, the one I am about to post. Stay tuned.
poole hey this concert is great wish ypu were here
drinking vino eating cheese and grooving to the stones.......memories

from a 702 phone number, Friday, August 15, 11:17 PM

The only Leila Poole I can find is this one, but she lives in the UK, so this text was probably not directed to her. Also, the Stones do not appear to be touring this summer, so this must be some sort of "cover band" concert. Finally, why do I hate it so much when Americans talk about "drinking vino"? Why do I find that turn of phrase more pretentious than all my pretensions?
FWD: FWD: Someone asked me what i love about life i smiled and said the person reading this! Make it a great day!
from a 724 phone number, Friday, August 15, 8:35 PM

People very rarely ask me what I love about life. Maybe they are just not all that interested.