Saturday, November 12, 2011

Hi its romey
from an 828 phone number, Friday, November 11, 11:14 PM EST

"I'm the Mary and you're the Rhoda."
Morning, dear. Good luck today. You'll be spectacular. As for me, I shall be sleeping, because who the fuck wakes up at 0630 on a Saturday? Love you lots.
from an 813 phone number, Saturday, November 12, 6:25 AM EST

Dear 813,


Leila, who just woke up an hour ago
Y mi tia yuyu como segui???!
from a 571 phone number, Saturday, November 12, 9:42 AM EST

"And my aunt Yuyu like something???!"

Four years of high school Spanish, and it's like I'm fluent.
Yu workin? Wanna go 4 dress 3 in price of 11?
from a 703 phone number, Saturday, November 12, 10:58 AM EST

I am working, it's true, but I do want to go for a dress sale... however, I'm not sure I want to buy three dresses in price of eleven dresses. Mostly because I am not sure what that means.
I just saw a Camaro
from a 949 phone number, Saturday, November 12, 11:31 AM EST

Okay, but was it bitchin'?
Cheese monkeys!!
from a 908 phone number, Friday, November 11, 7:43 PM EST

A Chip Kidd novel. Also-- thank you Urban Dictionary listing with two thumbs up and eight thumbs down--"One who wears Christmas sweaters during Christmas."

Let's just assume she was referring to the Chip Kidd novel.
Are you a god?
from a 603 phone number, Thursday, November 10, 2:22 PM EST

Thanks to this text, I have had Vertical Horizon stuck in my head for the past day and a half.

P.S. Had not watched this music video since high school. V. powerful stuff.
Why did ur brother or brother get mad at u
from a 408 phone number, Friday, November 11, 10:07 PM EST

Sometimes people will send me fake Leila Texts, I guess hoping to see their words posted on this blog, and occasionally I am fooled, but not very often. And that is because fake Leila Texts make too much sense. Real text messages are like this one: mostly nonsensical, but ultimately, somehow, meaningful.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Ants game tonight is @ vets not cabrillo @ 7
from a 562 phone number, Thursday, November 10, 11:53 AM EST

Cabrillo is a college in California, which is also where the 562 area code is. Vets is presumably... also a college in California? Like a veterinary school, maybe? Ants are, like, a sports team? Why would you name your sports team "the Ants"? That just doesn't sound very threatening.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

As you are probably aware, today has been a crazy day for the Leila Texts. Gizmodo wrote a post about this blog, which is awesome, but which also means I have received roughly one million text messages over the past three hours.

One reason why I am able to receive Leila Texts in the first place is that I have a dumbphone. I love my dumbphone, for without it I would have no blog, but I will say that it is WAY TOO DUMB to artfully handle the number of texts that have been coming in.

I tried to text back everyone who wrote to say, "Hey, I like your blog," but I know for sure there are some people who I missed, and there may also be some people who I texted back like four times in a row to say, "Thanks!" If you fall into either of those categories: sorry about that. Try me again on a day when this blog hasn't been featured on a Gawker Media site and I'll be more on my game.

To those of you who wrote me "real" Leila Texts that said things like "whatever you put in my uncles drink made him shit all day long," and, "lets try havin buttsex again," and "y didnt u tell me where you buried the dog"... yeah. I've been doing this for close to five years. I am for sure still foolable, but I'm not that foolable.

Finally, not to be all mercenary, but I'd hardly be an American if I didn't take this opportunity to tell you how to spend your money. I blog about text messages for fun. I write humorous young adult novels for a living. If you wanted to read one of my books, or give a copy to your 15-year-old niece, I would think that's a very good idea.

Okay, announcements over. Enjoy!
Omg I'm still trip
from a 760 phone number, Wednesday, November 9, 1:48 AM EST

from a 760 phone number, Wednesday, November 9, 1:48 AM EST

Good nite
from a 760 phone number, Wednesday, November 9, 1:49 AM EST

Unclear whether 760 means this literally-- like, "Oh my God, I can't believe that LSD I took at noon today is STILL affecting me"-- or figuratively-- like, "Even though it's been ten hours since Mr. Hunter told us we have a science test tomorrow, I'm still tripping about that news."
Yes to 35338
from an 832 phone number, Tuesday, November 8, 11:21 PM EST

Over the course of a few minutes, I received roughly fifteen text messages from 832 that all looked like this. Some just said "YES." Some just said "35338." I deleted most of them because they seemed super-boring.

Eventually I got annoyed and called 832. "Hi," I said. "You keep texting me. Please stop." He didn't really say anything except "Oh." So I hung up.

Then I felt bad about being so harsh on the phone, so I sent a follow-up text that said the following:

Sorry, i get a lot of weird texts... Good luck reaching whomever youre trying to text!
from me, Tuesday, November 8, 11:23 PM EST

Then today I googled 35338:

"If you are texting the number 35338 then you would be texting to Mobile Hookup which is a dating text chat line."

I'm now trying to decide which is most embarrassing: being the sort of person who texts a paid hookup text chat line; getting called out on it by a random girl; or having your antics posted on the Internet.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

R u doing holiday camp at chagrin?
from a 330 phone number, Tuesday, November 8, 4:36 PM EST

I assume "holiday camp" is camp that lasts the week between Christmas and New Years, or over Thanksgiving break, or something. Still unclear on where Chagrin is, though my knee-jerk response is that it doesn't sound like that fun of a place.
heyy i get 2 ride at my neighborsz tday:)
from a 330 phone number, Monday, November 7, 12:47 PM EST

We should all be so lucky as to have neighbors who own ponies. Or motocross bikes.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Y is logan grounded,wat did he do?
from a 704 phone number, Friday, November 4, 4:09 PM ESTM

Is ur power out

from an 845 phone number, Friday, November 4, 7:52 PM EST

No! Was yours? I know a lot of power went out last weekend on the east coast, because of the Halloweekend snowstorm (see this text message, for example). But why would your power go out this weekend, too?
Shut the tv. Idont want my electric to go up. Mom
from a 505 phone number, Saturday, November 5, 12:57 AM EST

I hate to tell you this, mom, but this is usually not a terribly persuasive argument when approaching your five year old. You may want to just tell him to shut off the TV because it will rot his mind or because he's grounded or something.
from a 951 phone number, Sunday, November 6, 1:04 AM EST

YES = one of my favorite songs of all time. Thank you for texting me about it, 951.
Hi Robin and Marcy are coming over to take Andrew and staying for lunch. IF YOU WANT COME OVER AND HAVE LUNCH. I understand if you cannot. Love u mum
from a 770 phone number, Sunday, November 6, 8:26 AM EST

Possibly the most forceful lunch invitation I have received this month.
Good nite MWSW!
See you tomorrow.
Nugs, Mom

from an 810 phone number, Sunday, November 6, 9:24 PM EST

"MWSW" stands for Ministry of Women and Social Welfare. In Nepal. Thank you, Acronym Finder, and thank you, Leila's mom.
Lady this my work cell.bring car charger 4 phone.txt me ur arrival time
from an 808 phone number, Friday, November 4, 3:48 PM EST

We shud go concert 2moro!even if i sick lady!war is name of concert?
from an 808 phone number, Friday, November 4, 4:07 PM EST

I feel like if you're that sick, and you don't have know the name of the concert you would be going to see, it might be okay to skip it. I mean, if you were going to see like your favorite band, that would be a different story. In that case I would tell you to just go and bring a barf bag in your purse.
R u going on the prozdor trip?
from a 973 phone number, Friday, November 4, 6:20 AM EST

Prozdor is a Jewish high school outside of Boston. I know this because I grew up outside of Boston, and pretty much everyone I knew went to Prozdor after their bar or bat mitzvahs. I did not, which is why I don't know where Prozdor goes on trips. Maybe an amusement park. Maybe by skipping Prozdor, I actually missed out on years of amusement park trips.
Damn I fell back to sleep now wide awake eating leftovers gross where r u at its a yucky day
from an 859 phone number, Thursday, November 3, 7:47 PM EST

I'm a big believer in naps, so I don't have that much sympathy for 859. Oh, no. You got in some extra sleep so now you're not tired. Damn.
Mitzi said to tell u to enter the contest on fbook, the winner gets a free shirt....its on "say it in stitches"
from a 256 phone number, Thursday, November 3, 7:27 PM EST

Say It in Stitches is "a full service, high-volume contract embroidery company." It's not really clear to me what kind of free shirt the winner might get. Presumably one that is embroidered with some sort of thing.
Who eats the american cheese?
I <3 my family!

from a 412 phone number, Tuesday, November 1, 5:32 PM EST

If u guys r gonna watch a movie u need to get it started ~ its almost 930
I <3 my family!

from a 412 phone number, Saturday, November 5, 8:24 PM EST

I shall tell you who eats the American cheese: children. And people who have somehow never tasted real cheese. I know it is upsetting, but all we can do is pity them.