Tuesday, February 3, 2009

FWD: SQUEEZE!!
You've just got a VALENTINE hug!
If u get back
3 ur CUTE!
6 ur LOVED!
9 ur HOT!
0 ur a JERK!

i want one back!

from a 425 phone number, Tuesday, February 3, 12:43 PM

Currently, I am a JERK, but I'll keep you posted in case this changes.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Ihate this!
from an 814 phone number, Sunday, February 1, 9:59 PM

What do you hate? Is this another Super Bowl reference? Is it paranoid of me to assume that everyone other than me was watching the Super Bowl last night?
FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Fwd: This is the mobile wave of the terrible towl! Keep it going the whole game! Send to everyone you know
from an 814 phone number, Sunday, February 1, 9:32 PM

The Super Bowl. Which I did not watch. And still don't know who won. Since NO ONE TEXTED TO TELL ME. Come on, Leila Texters, what do you expect me to do, look this stuff up on the Internet?
why'd you have to go?
$Nico$

from a 603 phone number, Sunday, February 1, 8:54 PM

This text really jarred me because I was actually hanging out with my friend Nico (whom I don't see very often) the night before. I know this text isn't from him because a) he knew why I left, b) this is not his number, and c) he is not the sort of person to sign his name $Nico$. But still. This is a weird coincidence. It's weird enough that both I and this other Leila have friends named Nico.
She will be loved that is depressing
from a 425 phone number, Sunday, February 1, 4:23 PM

I always thought it was supposed to be an uplifting song, as in, "Don't worry if she's not loved today; someday, I promise, she will be loved." Though I guess if you view it as "She will be loved, always future tense, but never now," then that is depressing. Wow. I feel bad now. Though I don't think that's quite what Maroon 5 intended.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Hey lulie
\~?Snappola!~/

from a 909 phone number, Sunday, February 1, 11:15 AM

Again, make your message longer or make your sig line shorter.
hey do you want to start working out w/greg and janet again? i miss being that strong.
from a 510 phone number, Sunday, February 1, 10:40 AM

Hell no I do not want to start working out w/greg and janet! Yesterday I ran/walked 8.2 miles for the annual Idiotarod, and now I have shin splits, sore arm muscles, and a bump on my head. If I don't work out for another year, I won't complain. What a poorly timed text.
gharagozlou I had the time of my life. it was incredible. i love him
from a 617 phone number, Saturday, January 31, 11:34 PM

Thanks to facebook, I now know that this Leila will graduate from BB&N in 2011. It makes me sad/jealous to think that this 16-year-old prep school girl's friends are having these incredible dating careers, obviously far superior to mine and to most of my friends'.
FWD: Fwd:Fwd:From: Msg: Fwd: Why do men like to be on the bottom during sex? ....Because they only know how to fuck up! :)
from a 651 phone number, Saturday, January 31, 2:16 PM

I have already addressed this issue. Eventually, I guess if I do this for long enough, every text I receive will be a repeat of something I've seen before, and, at that point, my work here will be complete.
grr i am alissa and i think ur an aweful person comparable to sarah palin =)
from a 310 phone number, Friday, January 30, 9:42 PM

Sarah Palin references are already a little past their prime. With any luck, kids a mere ten years from today will have no idea what this means.
hello
ChEeKy MoNkEy!

from a 909 phone number, Friday, January 30, 7:37 PM

As a general rule, your sig line should not be longer than your actual message.
I am so glad you floated with me? Float on!
from a 914 phone number, Friday, January 30, 6:46 PM

And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on okay
And we'll all float on all right
Already we'll all float on
Now don't you worry
We'll all float on all right
Already we'll all float on

(No, but seriously, what is this text about? Is this about drugs? I usually assume things that I don't understand are about drugs.)
are you going skating tonight mariah let me know I am at the dance right now
from a 609 phone number, Friday, January 30, 5:20 PM

I wonder what sort of dance starts before 5:20 PM. I feel like even middle school dances don't start until at least 7. What, are you just supposed to leave school at 3:30 and immediately head to the dance? Don't you need time to paint your nails or something?
Hi layla! I am in calif nd mosh has party @ shlomos. So sorry.. I am cured. Your soup did wonders!
from a 970 phone number, Friday. January 30, 10:21 AM

Come on, 970, you must know it's spelled L-E-I-L-A, not L-A-Y-L-A, since you just had to type it in order to send it to me in the first place. Also, a group of friends names Leila, Mosh (short, perhaps, for Moishe?), and Shlomo is really remarkably Jewish, even by my standards.
hey..sorry that i didnt text you back last night me and matt got in a huge fight..looks like he wont be gettin any anytime soon
from a 828 phone number, Wednesday, January 28, 4:38 PM

I guess the take-home lesson here is, Men, if you want to get laid, don't get into fights with your girlfriends. It's very Lysistratan, isn't it?
FWD: It. So bring your dad or uncle dont send a punk that i took care of years ago. So go get a life and get some respect. Shaheed ya mehdi!
from a 313 phone number, Wednesday, January 28, 1:50 PM

These really sound like song lyrics to me, but google turns up nothing. Wouldn't this make a great rap song, though? Any composers out there, you're welcome to use this. I don't need any credit.