Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Door open
from an 865 phone number, Tuesday, March 18, 8:39 PM

Oh, I don't know, probably 865 and Leila are house robbers. Leila stands watch while 865 jimmies open the door, and then once he's gotten it open, he texts her to let her know it's time to come running in with a sack so they can loot the place. I'm not sure if that's exactly it, but I'm sure it's something along those lines.
My internet/computer is being wat retarded :/ good luck studying we'll talk more later babycakes! *muah!*
from a 714 phone number, Tuesday, March 18, 1:44 AM

Yet another exciting emoticon! :/ That wrestler who may or may not have been from Massachusetts could sure learn a thing or two from this text.

Meanwhile, what I notice about this text is that it was typed out on a keyboard, rather than via predictive texting or via the 'tap' method. Can you tell how we know? (The answer is the word 'wat'. You see why?)
Fwd: FWD: Tears may dry, Years may fly, but my love for my girl will never die. Send this to all ur girls! Incuding me.
from a 415 phone number, Monday, March 17, 7:28 PM

This MIGHT be a sort of sweet poem to send to your girlfriend-- and by "sweet," I probably mean "retarded"-- but it loses any redeeming qualities when it's forwarded to "all ur girls." "My love for my girl will never die, and by 'my girl,' I mean everyone in my contacts list with two X chromosomes"? No, I'm sorry, you get only ONE GIRL. That's the rules.
im gonna call somebody hahahahaha
from a 310 phone number, Sunday, March 16, 11:01 PM

I hope you're as good at that as you are at texting somebody hahahahaha
i'm warming up...opening at 220lbs :] it's cold in rhode island :P hope you're having a good day!<3

from a 732 phone number, Sunday, March 16, 10:53 AM

So I guess this guy is a wrestler, and he was at a competition this past Sunday. By MASSmonster, I think he might mean that he's from Massachusetts (which would make sense geographically, since he's competing in Rhode Island). But he could also mean that he is a monster of mass, which would be true, since 220 pounds is an awful lot of mass to carry around.

What I like most about 732's text is that he ends every sentence with a different emoticon. There's the somewhat square smile :], the stuck-out tongue :P, and of course the classic heart <3. 571 speeds through a number of different emotions and facial expressions at astonishing speed.
what u doin? i will call u at lunch luv ya givshayla a kiss for me and tell her daddy loves hers
from a 571 phone number, Sunday, March 16, 10:31 AM

mmm cheesecake factory
from a 571 phone number, Sunday, March 16, 7:20 PM

night night luv ya
from a 571 phone number, Sunday, March 16, 10:26 PM

we're loading on the plane
from a 571 phone number, Monday, March 17, 9:30 AM

Ah, the continuing adventures of 571, a man who left on a trip on Friday morning and returned home on Monday morning. A man with a daughter named Shayla and a wife named Leila. A man who loves, among other things, drinking whiskey at 8:30 AM and eating at the Cheesecake Factory. I feel like we are so close, 571 guy. I have only one question: If you forgot your cell phone charger while on this trip (as you told me on Friday), then how the hell did you manage to send SO MANY texts?