Saturday, November 10, 2007

cell FWD: Fate determines who walks into ur life. U decide who stays & who walks out. Send to friends u never want 2 lose.
from a 480 phone number, Saturday, November 3, 1:43 AM

You know, when I was in high school, I, too, was very into quotations and aphorisms. So I relate to this girl. However, I like to believe that my chosen quotations were more substantive, since I tended to take them from Oscar Wilde and Blaise Pascal and Dorothy Parker, whereas 480 seems to have gotten hers from The Big Book O' Illogical Schmaltz.
SHAWTY U A 10! send dis to da 10 prettiest girls/ Hottest guys you know. If u get 1-2 ur ok 3-4 ur hot 4 or more ur f
from a 360 phone number, Friday, November 9, 9:23 PM

I really want to know what happens if you get 4 or more. "ur f." F what? Is that short for "fucking gorgeous"? I hope so.

I got this text message only once, which I guess makes me just "ok," but that's still better than any of you lot reading this blog, because I doubt you've ever gotten any.

Also: I was previously unaware that "shawty" was the new cool way of saying "shorty" (as in "go shorty, it's your birthday, we gonna party like it's your birthday"), but I have now duly taken note.
I want 2 come 2 the dark side 2morrow
from a 201 phone number, Friday, November 9, 3:28 PM

My hope is that this person is not kidding. My hope is that 201 lives in a town where Leila has formed a coven of evil witches, and 201 has been refusing to join, despite Leila's encouragements that 201 would make "a very powerful witch." But today something momentous happened, making 201 realize that she cannot make it on her own, she is too weak, and her only option for self-preservation or success is 2 come 2 the dark side. And Leila, had she received this text, would have responded to 201, "you are making the right choice," and then would have sat alone and cackled to herself, "One more for my coven! I am winning them over, one by one! This town will be ours!"
good luck woman! we'l b thinking of u!
from a 619 phone number, Friday, November 9, 10:35 AM

Aw. That's sweet. I regret that Leila didn't receive this text. I think it could have really boosted her confidence as she went into... whatever she was going into.
Hey baby
from an 814 phone number, Wednesday, November 7, 8:54 PM

Slightly more intriguing than a "hi" text message, as there's potential for romance in this text... but still, for lord's sake, say something significant! Words are a precious commodity!
Do u have those movies i am being charged for? How long have you had them.
from a 916 phone number, Wednesday, November 7, 7:21 PM

Contentious! This is totally the sort of text you send to your roommate whom you hate, or some irresponsible "friend" who's always taking your stuff. If Leila were 916's actual friend, then 916 would have called Leila to say, "Can you return my videos?" But at the point where it's a text message, that's basically like, "I can't even TALK to you, just return my shit so I don't have to keep paying money for YOUR POOR JUDGMENT."
R u tryin to wirk there o
from a 540 phone number, Tuesday, November 6, 9:17 PM

You recall from a few weeks ago my analysis of how you can tell when someone is using predictive texting and when they are using letter-by-letter texting. Well, this text is interesting because it's easy to tell that they sent it from their computer. The giveaway is the word "wirk." This can't have been an abbreviation-- "wirk" and "work" both have four digits. And, on a phone, the "i" key and the "o" key aren't near each other. However, they are next to one another on a computer keyboard.

A typo of "work" in predictive texting would be "world" (if you accidentally hit the "3" key at the end of typing "work") or "york" (if you accidentally hit the "next word" button). A typo of "work" in letter-by-letter texting would be "wnrk" or "worj," if you hit one letter key too many times, or not enough. But "wirk" comes only from a computer keyboard.

Or, potentially, from someone who has no fucking clue how to spell "work."
Whats good erything ok going good i hope
from a 540 phone number, Tuesday, November 6, 8:42 PM

This seems like overkill, doesn't it? "Whats good"? "erything ok"? "going good i hope"? Dude, you can just say, "Are you ok?" or, "hope you're doing well." Leila's a smart girl (I assume). She'll understand you the first time through.
FWD: Hey i want 2 have a movie night or some sort of gathering!
from a 201 phone number, Monday, November 5, 9:01 PM

As usual, my most exciting invitations come from people who were actually trying to invite a different Leila (not me).
r u goin 2 ski skool???
from a 206 phone number, Friday, November 2, 9:11 PM

No, though I wish I were, because my skiing could really use some work. However, I do want to throw out there that even if I were going to ski skool, I don't know that I would have made that decision by November 2. You know? It hasn't even snowed yet. I haven't taken out my winter coat. It seems early in the season to making such important decisions.
When are you guys getting ready?
from an 814 phone number, Friday, November 2, 4:23 PM

Never. I am never ready.