Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Mummy says hi and
from a 718 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:29 PM

from a 718 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:30 PM

from a 718 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:30 PM

But does Mummy say, "718 girl, I pay your cell phone bills, and you just spent 30 cents on texts when you could have spent only 10"?

Also, dear readers, I'm going to level with you here: I mostly just update this blog whenever my cell phone inbox is overflowing and I need to record these texts some place so that I can free up enough space to receive actual texts from my actual friends. Yes, they are few and far between, but sometimes I really do get text messages directed to me. It's crazy, I know.
O too cool for m now?
from a 978 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:27 PM

Probably. I am really very cool, you know.
wat r u doing
from a 415 phone number, Tuesday, December 11, 9:08 PM

NO. Do you know who this is from? SYDNEY, VERONICA'S FRIEND. I'm not... I can't even address this. Sydney, sweetie, check your voicemail. I think I explained matters there more clearly than I could ever hope to do in print.

Do u know if jula made ur team? That would be cool
from a 310 phone number, Monday, December 10, 9:11 PM

No, 310, I don't know. I feel like I've explained this very clearly in the past: I use the Leila Texts as a source of sports knowledge. I don't have any sports knowledge to offer. Please send me statements, not questions. What good would a Magic 8 ball be if it asked only questions?
hey its t]ler wuzup

from a 706b phone number, Saturday, December 8, 9:48 PM

My phone won't let me use predictive typing to write "shit," so I think substituting in "shrimp" is a good second-best option. Nice thinking, t]ler.

My phone also won't let me type "damn." Instead, the options it gives me are "econ," "famo," "fann," "dann," "damo," and "ebon"-- NONE OF WHICH ARE ACTUALLY WORDS, UNLIKE "DAMN," WHICH IS-- so, t]ler, if you can come up with any clever names for shellfish that sound like the word "damn," please let me know.
R U going tonight to Mac?
from a 949 phone number, Saturday, December 8, 3:17 PM

Potential explanations here...
949 and Leila are going to the MAC cosmetics store?
They're going to the Apple computer store?
They're eating at McDomalds?

Please, aforementioned companies, feel free to send me promotional materials any time now.
Omg r u kiddin me? U say u never wanna se or talk to me again. Wow grow up. Now u kno how i feel when ur all over marc ok. Ya much no a best friend!
from a 203 phone number, Friday, December 7, 2 :19 PM

And u say thats just who u r. Well u can change that cuz if i can than so can u. So grow up and dont cal me a bitch when i do so much for u.
from a 203 phone number, Friday, December 7, 2:21 PM

There's nothing like being told to "grow up" by a girl who breaks up with her best friend over text messaging. 203 is obviously a paragon of maturity, and if she says to grow up, well, then Leila should probably grow the hell up, shouldn't she?

I called this girl back, anyway, because I thought I could provide a little wisdom that comes from having lived through middle school. I ended up leaving her a message, in which I first explained how to text her ex-best friend Leila (instead of me), and then went on to say the following:

"This text you tried to send Leila is pretty passive-aggressive. It's generally better to carry on these sorts of conversations over the phone, or better yet in person. If you can't say these things to her in person, then they probably shouldn't be said. More to the point, you know Leila is just going to forward this text to all your friends. And then you'll come off looking bad. It's always better not to have these things in writing. Okay, good luck!"

I don't know if 203 took my advice to heart or not. I haven't yet gotten any thank-you texts, so I guess not. But 203 girl, if you're out there and want to thank me but just don't know how: You always know how to reach me.
Happy sister day! You may or may not have my blood but you have my heart. Aww.
from an 858 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 10:45 PM

Dude, 858 girl, chill the hell out. You already texted this message to me. Twice. If I didn't respond, it's because the feeling is obviously not reciprocated. You think I don't have enough on my plate, what with Veronica's friend's latent potential crush on Leila? Now I also have to deal with your hourly declarations of sisterly affection for your Leila? Seriously, girls.
hey this is veronicas friend
from a 415 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 9:34 PM

from a 415 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 10:03 PM

i juss finished dance
from a 415 phone number, Thursday, December 6, 10:04 PM

In case you haven't been following the evolution of these "hi its veronicas friend sydney" texts, I urge you to read back to the 415 texts of November 27, 28, and 30.

Well, okay, to be honest, there hasn't been much evolution. Veronica's friend is saying approximately the same things that she was saying to Leila a week ago. This dance thing is new-- who knew Sydney danced?-- but otherwise it's just more of the same blah blah "hey" blah blah "its me veronicas friend" blah etc.

I finally called this girl back, immediately after I received her two in-a-row text messages. I had to leave a message-- perhaps her parents have taught her not to answer phone calls from strangers? I explained how to text Leila without reaching me by accident. So, God willing, I will never again hear from Sydney. So we'll never find out if she does turn out to be bi, or if she and Leila do ever hook up. Never-ending suspense!