do you want to come to my bday party 2morrow?
from an 808 phone number, Friday, December 19, 10:54 PM

It seems like 808 doesn't really want Leila there. I feel like if you really want someone at your party, you give them more than 24 hours' notice. It sounds to me like 808 doesn't have enough people coming so she's scrounging to fill in the space by inviting Leila at the last minute. Leila, be proud. Say no.

Hi this is brittanys girlfriend just thought id say hi elizy the baby said hi
from a 928 phone number, Friday, December 19, 1:53 PM

Wow, everyone's saying hi today! Brittany's girlfriend... babies... everyone!

Awake are you?
from an 828 phone number, Friday, December 19, 10:33 AM

Maintaining this blog requires a great deal of research:

me: who
s that dude in star wars
who phrases things backward
like, "jedi, are you?"
instead of, "are you a jedi?"
siffert: i'm not gonna lie, i have no idea what you meant by that
siffert: i could've laughed politely... but i'm pretty curious

you may wanna go to the door in 5 or so mins so people know im commin...
from an 804 phone number, Friday, December 19, 8:50 AM

But why spoil the surprise? I'm hoping that when 804 shows up, at 9 AM, it'll be like a big Christmas homecoming and everyone will be stunned and thrilled to see him there. Ideally he will be just returning from a stint in the army.

HE FONED OUT
from a 626 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 10:01 PM

Whatcha doing?You're the best!
from a 626 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 11:51 PM

WHAT DID HE FONE OUT? You're leaving out all the best parts of this story.

FWD: - Place of Ima is beautifully decorated. hm bound now. love you. tang
from a 949 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 9:09 PM

Intriguing use of the phrase "homebound" (or "hm bound," as it were). That's not something you hear often, but I like it. Also, do we think "Ima" here is being used as the Hebrew for mother? (See I know languages after all.)

Hi Leila , can you give me phone number the bartender with ponitail from yesterday? Thanks.
from a 718 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 6:13 PM

718, I admire your "go get 'em" attitude, but aren't you concerned that if the bartender with the ponitail didn't ask you for your number, it may be because he doesn't really want it?

Dear Santa, I don't want much this year but, I do want the person reading this text to be in my life forever
from a 951 phone number, Thursday, December 18, 12:15 AM

This reminds me of the Christmas wish-list hanging on the refrigerator of the child I was babysitting for earlier this week, which included a cat, a remote control car, a water pistol (which he promised not to shoot during the winter), a smaller wallet, the love of his family, and Pokemon.

Santa has a busy week ahead of him.

Did you still want your tamale and smoke i can sneak over 4 a min
from a 949 phone number, Tuesday, December 16, 5:59 PM

I think it's weird when people use "smoke" as a noun. As in, "Want to go grab a smoke?" Also, do we think tamales and cigarettes have complementary flavors? I don't smoke cigarettes, and I don't honestly know if I've ever eaten a tamale.

Mission accomplished, the text went well, I'm in!
from a 202 phone number, Tuesday, December 16, 10:48 AM

I'm hoping that 202 has a crush on some guy so for her first "move" she sent him a text message, and it "went well"-- maybe he responded to her in some encouraging way?-- so when she says "I'm in!" she means that she and her crush are going to go out on a date.

Currently accepting alternate explanations, if you've got any.

MORE PIX PLZ.
from a 626 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 12L49 PM

Yeah. You're hot. Send more hot pix.

now did u get it
from a 646 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 12:21 PM

If your question is if Leila received your text message now that you have sent it a second time, the answer is still "no."

hi im busy
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Saturday, December 13 8:54 PM

hi
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, December 14, 2:41 AM

Aaaaaaand it's NOT the last we heard from Oz3baA sh3rIFf, after all! Time to cry tears of relief/annoyance! Jesus, Oz3baA sh3rIFf, can't you take a hint? I might as well just change the name of this blog to The Oz3baA sh3rIF Texts and get it over with.

Do u need a ride?
Thursday, December 11, 6:44 PM

Yes! As always, I would love a ride anywhere if that means I don't need to take public transit. These texts from suburbia make me nostalgic for my car.

I am going to addisons til 530
from a 646 phone number, Thursday, December 11, 3:02 PM

Could be a friend's name. Could be a restaurant. Could be a store. Could be anywhere, really. "Addison's."

How d> friend party on friday in noho r u dwn. elsie's friends b day.booze ,dj, and moo....starts @10.
from an 818 number, Wednesday, December 10, 6:00 PM

I am always down for a party, friend, especially one involving booze and DJs. Not quite sure about moo. I looked it up on Urban Dictionary, but I can't imagine that 818 is asking Leila to come to Elsie's friend's party because there will be female breeders there.