Saturday, March 21, 2009

can u come 2 my house tomorrow @ 10 to 12 o,clock. u can come in ur pj's
from a 973 phone number, Saturday, March 21, 12:30 PM

No, I cannot. If I'm going to stay in my PJs, I'm going to stay in bed. And if I'm going to go to your house, I'm going to at least throw on a pair of jeans... but, let's get real, I won't be at your house from 10 to 12 tomorrow. I will be asleep.
happy nourooz! with lots of love, armita
from a 714 phone number, Saturday, March 21, 2:13 AM

Translation: Happy Spring!
buffa leilaaaa im not getting home till sat nighttt so just make plans ill see u around 10 ish :(
from a 203 phone number, Friday, March 20, 7:02 PM

This chick here. Too bad, I was kind of hoping 203 was calling her "buffa" just to indicate that they are bffs. We do this a lot at my office, call people our "buf-fa-fas." Right, I know, we are trendsetters.
Im doing this purely cuz it is a healthy lifestyle!
from a 719 phone number, Friday, March 20, 1:35 PM

What a cruel world, where 719 has to defend via text her decision to be a freegan.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

in a mtq wats up?
from a 402 phone number, Thursday, March 19, 6:01 PM

This pains me. 402, don't text during a meeting. Whatever's up can, I'm sure, wait an hour or two. If it can't, Leila will call you back.

If there is one thing we take away from this blog, let it be proper texting manners!
I have been on facebook what 2 day maybe 48 hours. I have a date tomorrow and a date on Friday night? I am follow a wise womens advice!
from a 917 phone number. Thursday, March 19, 12:46 AM

I think not for me, but really it could be, since I've been known to give out "dating via facebook" advice. On the other hand, I have been on facebook roughly four years, eleven months, and fifteen days longer than 917 here, and it has never resulted in two dates for me, let alone two dates in two days. So maybe my advice is not all that useful?
FWD: FWD: Around 11 am on sat & 3pm on sun work best 4 me how bout u?
from an 856 phone number, Thursday, March 19, 5:34 PM

11 AM on Saturday is WAY too early for me. I'm cool with 3 PM on Sunday, though. I know 856 doesn't actually care what my weekend schedule is, but I just thought I'd share.
I'm getting my haircut at 6 any suggestions?
from a 440 phone number, Thursday, March 19, 4:48 PM

Something that accentuates your curls. Unless you don't have any curls, in which case, get bangs.

I should be like a professional hair consultant.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

im going to dunks before i come in do you want something?
from a 978 phone number, Wednesday, March 18, 7:17 PM

If "dunks" means "Dunkin Donuts," then I would like a chocolate glazed cruller, please and thank you.
why did u break up wit me
from an 812 phone number, Wednesday, March 18, 5:18 PM

Look, if Leila can answer that question in 160 characters or less, you probably don't want to hear what she has to say. "Because you're ugly" is less than 160 characters. So is "Because you cheated on me." "I still care about you but I fear that we have irreconcilable differences and I don't sense that you're willing to work through them" is more than 160 characters. Text is good for many, many things, but, seriously, it is not good for relationship post-mortems.
Kas voib juba helistada
from an 818 phone number, Tuesday, March 17, 10:02 AM

I think this is, for once, not Tagalog. Other ideas/translations?

Monday, March 16, 2009

FWD: U told me to stay away from u. Remember?

from a 313 phone number, Sunday, March 15, 6:39 PM

Look, Cheryl. Maybe Leila told you to stay away from her in the vain hope that you would try to win her back. Have you never watched Say Anything, Cheryl? Show up outside Leila's house with a goddamn boombox. In the rain.
Come back already, Ley. I miss you. You would have stopped me from going on my date. It sucked, btw and I had to drive to Bezerkly for it. =( Love ya. <3
from a 650 phone number, Sunday, March 15, 4:03 PM

When I got this text, I thought that it might have been for me, since I was, indeed, out of town at the time, and it was possible that one of my friends missed me. Even more promisingly, some of my friends went on dates this weekend (or at least Becca did). But, alas, I live nowhere near "Bezerkly" (NICE name, by the way). So, not me. Alas.
you have a 69 in penis yes very big haha

from a 334 phone number, Saturday, March 14, 10:12 PM

So, look, I am no "sexpert," and perhaps this will reveal my sexual ignorance, but still I'm going to go ahead and say: I have no idea what this text message means. It strikes me as simultaneously graphic and nonsensical, like it was written by a 12-year-old who speaks English as a second language who once read half an article in an upside-down issue of Cosmo.
U ar a looser G3ORG!NA
from a 516 phone number, Saturday, March 14, 11:44 AM

Not, you are a looser, since you cannot correctly spell a single word in that sentence, with the exception of the word "a." Detriments for that. But kudos for the sweet use of l33t, G3ORG!NA.
u two r set with taylor on the 25th 930 cardio circuit again. just pay her directly please! thanks!
from a 970 phone number, Friday, March 13, 2:57 PM

Is text message really the most responsible way to confirm personal training reservations?
hey shane is going skatting tonight
from a 609 phone number, Friday, March 13, 2:50 PM

hey nia is NOT going skating tonight so its going to be and you k see you at 7:30 k bye bff
from a 609 phone number, Friday, March 13, 6:24 PM

I have this fantasy of a high school world in which all drama is played out on the public ice skating rink. Too young to get into bars, too restless to hang around their homes, these teenagers descend on the local skating rink every Friday at 7:30 PM, where the boys skate around and crash into each other, trying to impress the girls, who giggle and skate arm in arm and try to master twirls, all to the tunes of the newest Lil' Wayne single. During the slow songs, these boys and girls skate hand in hand. And when the rink closes at 10pm, they get hot cocoa in the dark and gossip about who skated with whom. Does this happen? It happens in my mind. And, hopefully, it happens in the 609 area code.
Are you coming to Into the Woods? We really want you to be here! <3
from an 814 phone number, Thursday, March 12, 7:27 PM

Really dedicated use of punctuation here. Look at that capitalization! It's only a pity that you can't italicize titles in text. Dear readers: if your texting service allowed for italics, would you use it?
hay call reece needs to talk to allen as soon as class gets out so call me
from a 408 phone number. Wednesday, March 11, 11:23 PM

How does Reece's desperate need to talk to Allen at all involve Leila and 408? Why can't Reece just call Allen directly?