cara boat dive cancelled. wanna go from shore anyway?
from an 831 phone number, Friday, November 28, 7:09 PM

Cara is her last name, FYI. I determined this because I just found a Leila Cara on facebook from the 831 area code (which is, by the way, Santa Cruz, which explains why her friend is talking about boat dives and shores in November). I don't know what a "boat dive"is, exactly, though. Something that occurs in the ocean, probably.

esmiali bob loves cheese
from a 678 phone number, Friday, November 28, 9:35 AM

Well, sure-- who DOESN'T love cheese?

!espero que hoy fue un buen thanksgiving con comida, familia, y amigos! doy gracias para ti! con mucho amor, liss
from a 917 phone number, Thursday, November 27, 10:22 PM

"I hope that today was a good Thanksgiving with food, family, and friends! I give thanks for you! With much love, Liss."

SEE? I'm not as horrible at translating as you all had thought, now, am I? (Though I still cannot do Tagalog.)

loved ur video. we all cried
from a 609 phone number, Thursday, November 27, 8:11 PM

I'm just picturing a family sitting around after a Thanksgiving meal, watching Leila's video and crying together. It sounds like a great family bonding event. And not at all like my family's holiday celebrations.

I am at gagas will be there at five thirty
from a 510 phone number, Thursday, November 27, 8:06 PM

Do you think 510 is coming from her grandmother's house, or from Lady Gaga's house? That's the thing about the Leila Texts: One can never say for sure.

FWD: R u bored?, LOL WE CAN GO2 MOVIE/CONCERT SUMTIME :-]
from a 904 phone number, Thursday, November 27, 7:22 PM

Do you mean sumtime today? Because it is Thanksgiving, so there's not much in the way of concerts. If you means sumtime in the future, that's cool, but Leila may not be bored by then. There may be better ways to sell the benefits of your company than merely touting that it's a potential relief from boredom. Just a thought.

Happy T-Day!!!!
from a 214 phone number, Thursday, November 27, 3:30 PM

Yes, happy T-Day to you all. And I'd like to note: Thanksgiving is a popular day for misdirected text messages. It's felt like every time I sat down to eat a bite of turkey, my phone was buzzing again!

hoy sagutin mo telopono
from an 818 phone number, Thursday, November 27, 2:21 PM

You't think by now I'd be fluent in tagalog, but I'm not. Based on previous texts, though, I imagine this translates to something like, "Hey answer the phone." See, I do pay attention to your comments.

Chris wants to know he brought christopher a size 12 suit do u thgnk it will fit him
from a 215 phone number, Wednesday, November 26, 12:05 PM

I know what a size 12 means in women's sizing, but I have no idea when it comes to men's suits. If Christopher fits into a size 12 suit, would that mean he was really fat or really skinny or neither or what? All you dudes out there: Enlighten me.

im so bored
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Tuesday, November 25, 8:27 PM

Maybe you should try jazzing up your text sig line a little more. Maybe that'd be a good way to pass the time.

FWD: It's almost Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for having u in my life. Send this to everybody u r thankful for... i hope i get this back from you
from a 281 phone number, Tuesday, November 25, 6:11 PM

Happy Thanksgiving, Leila Texters! I hope you all have much to be thankful for.

hi mama! did u sign up at boulevard yet? carol said she may open another class on tus
from an 818 phone number, Tuesday, November 25, 5:54 PM

I wonder what kind of classes Boulevard offers. 818 is SoCal, if any of you Internet detectives out there want to look into this.

Good morning hot tamale....sorry 2 b buggin but i c mold on mi weede's is that ok or shold i open it & let is breath!
from an 818 phone number, Monday, November 24, 1:45 PM

Sorry, is this actually a text asking Leila how to preserve your marijuana? Is there some alternate meaning of "weede's" that I'm missing>

yoyoyo whaz up home slice
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, November 23, 6:34 PM

waz up my young hizzle friend?
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Monday, November 24, 10:13 PM

According to Urban Dictionary, "hizzle" means "house." But "waz up my young house friend" sounds like a 55-year-old trying to get down the "kid lingo" and failing utterly.

I found out who likes me and i will only tell if u txt back so txt back plz
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 10:34 PM

hey hey hey yalls just watched bolt
Oz3baA sh3rIFf
from a 703 phone number, Sunday, November 23, 11:48 AM

Nope, sorry, not worth it. If you found out who likes ME, maybe I would be curious enough to text you back. But just to hear who likes YOU? I'm far too self-absorbed for that.

Also, I'm pretty adept at reading l337, but I can't make sense out of this sig line. Ozebaa Sheriff? Is that a name? A type of law-enforcement official?

hey havent seen ya in 4evea
from an 859 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 10:36 PM

Have you ever considered that perhaps you haven't seen Leila in 4evea because she has not been receiving your text messages? Think it over.

i am going to see twighlight tonight!
from a 323 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 7:58PM

I hope you pre-purchased tickets, 323, because that shit has been as sold-out as an alt-rock band that formerly had 'cred' but now opens for Nickelback in stadiums in Jersey.

Caj killed us walking back now
from a 510 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 7:07 PM

Potentially the first Leila Text from a ghost.

FWD: R we nuts?
Roni
from a 609 phone number, Saturday, November 22, 12:30 PM

I don't know, Roni. Is it nuts to live your dreams? Then, yes, we r nuts, but, hell, I'd be nuts any day.

what the hell are you doing. leila
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 9:18 PM

This sounded pretty angry, and I figured maybe I could stave off some of the anger by replying. So I sent my standard Leila Text reply, which I don't send to everything, just the ones that I think especially demand an answer, and then only when I have the time. My standard reply, in case you were wondeirng, is something like, "Sorry your text came to me instead of Leila. Please text her again by pulling her name out of your contacts list. Do not type it in."

A few minutes after I sent this explanatory text, I received this response:

who is this and sorry for the messege
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 10:11 PM

I was like, cool, problem solved, it's kind of this person to apologize. I didn't text back-- why would I? What more do 763 and I have to say to each other?

Loads, apparently.

WHO IS this. you dont have to say but what did the meseege say please tell me it can be personal.
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 10:45 PM

"What did the meseege say"? Uh, what do you THINK it said? Check your outbox and see what you tried to text to Leila earlier. That's what it said.

This was a dumb question, and I was out with my friend Becca, and I don't like being spoken to in capital letters by strangers. I still didn't reply. A few minutes later...

is this a person of computer.
from a 763 phone number, Thursday, November 20, 10:52 PM

A computer? Kid, what is your concept of how technology works?

Finally, I found a lull in Becca and my conversation and called 763. (Which, frankly, is what 763 should have done herself. When text messages are not getting the response you want, CALLING is an excellent back-up. Not to sound retro or anything.)

763 sounded very, very slow. I reiterated what I had said in my text message, like thirty seconds passed, and then 763 said, "Oh."

I was like, "Yeah, so, are we done here?"

Another thirty second passed because 763 asked me, "What did the text say?"

For Christ's sake. "It asked Leila what she was doing. No big deal." I left out the "hell" part of 763's original text. I don't know why. I guess I thought that was the "personal" part.

763 said, "Oh."

I said, "I'm hanging up now."

I hung up. Becca said, "I can't believe I just witnessed the Leila Texts IN ACTION."

Nothing but fun and games when you go out with me on a Thursday evening, as I'm sure this posting demonstrates.