Nevertextjakebaucust
from an 815 phone number, Tuesday, July 14, 1:29 PM

Okay, well, I won't text Jake Baucust. I couldn't possibly, because I don't know how, because I just googled him and nothing came up. Jake Baucust does not exist. And once this blog post is cached, this will be the only thing page that comes up when you google "Jake Baucust." What's the word for that? Google-something. Do you know what I mean?