Come sleep with me please just sleeping, nothing else. I need to hold you.
from a 702 phone number, Friday, April 25, 3:24 AM

I was absolutely fast asleep when I received this text. (I know, I know, I shouldn't leave my phone on while I'm sleeping, but I couldn't help it; I was expecting a phone call this morning.) I woke to the sound of my phone vibrating, looked at the text, was unable to make heads or tails of it, and decided to go to the bathroom.

When I came back to my room, I read the text again, just in case it was important, at which point I decided it probably was. I didn't want some poor 702 lying in bed alone and crying just because I can't get my act together to type a few words in the middle of the night.

So I sent my standard "Your text message didn't reach Leila" yada yada message, only to receive this in response:

This guy i used to date sent that to me and on ur blog u analyze texts and i wanted 2 no wat u thot
from a 702 phone number, Friday, April 25, 3:36 AM

This is an astonishing use of cell phone technology that had never even occurred to me. I mean, it takes some patience, for one. For all 702 knew, I wouldn't get around to posting and commenting on this text for another week.

Furthermore, it assumes that I actually KNOW SOMETHING; i.e. that my commentary on her ex-boyfriend's text message might be in some way helpful or enlightening. I feel rather weighed down with responsibility.

So, okay, 702. You wanted 2 no wat I thot? Here's what I think:

1. A text message like this is always flattering, because it's an ego boost to believe that boys have trouble getting over you.
2. When boys claim in the middle of the night that they just want to sleep with you, "nothing else," they are lying.
3. If you might be interested in getting back together with this boy, then that's a conversation you need to have in daylight hours, looking at this all in a "big picture," "long-term" sort of way.
4. If you're not interested in getting back together with this boy, then you should ignore him or text back, "No," or, "Stop it," or "I've already told you to leave me alone."
5. Under no circumstances should you be like, "Yeah, sure! I'll be right over!"

All that being said, you probably shouldn't listen to me. I make this stuff up as I go along.

I texted as much of that as I could fit into 160 characters back to 702, and here's what she replied:

Yehhh he sounds really desperate too.. Very unattractive lol
from a 702 phone umber, Friday, April 25, 3:43 AM

BOYS, TAKE NOTE: NO ONE LIKES DESPERATION. PLAY IT COOL.

Then I went back to sleep.